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Original poster

£320 for hen night.. I'm not even invited to the wedding

258 replies

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:16

Ok so..

I said I would go to the hen night, figured it'd cost in/around £150 and tbh was quite looking forward to a facial/massage.

But..

£320?

Absolutely not. How do I word the text that I'm not going? I'm definitely not going.

Problem is, the bride and family know I can afford it. I don't even want to go to the wedding either. I literally just don't want to pay £320 for something I'm not overly fussed on.

Help dear MNers

OP posts:
Maireas · 20/02/2023 07:40

SpringIntoChaos · 20/02/2023 07:21

Why on earth would she offer to pay for bubbly?? She's not even invited to the bloody wedding! 🤣

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Exactly!

Alexandernevermind · 20/02/2023 07:41

No, it is tacky to mention the cost. Just say you're unable to attend and wish them the best. it isn't tacky, it's honesty. The being too embarrassed to mention costs attitude some people have is odd and awkward.

Sadlifter · 20/02/2023 07:44

I don't have a problem with a hen night for a larger group but a small family wedding. I agree it's expensive but as you say you can afford it then why not just go?

Jamieleecurtain · 20/02/2023 07:46

If it’s not far away can you only attend a small part?

I wouldn’t have a problem attending a hen for someone who was having a tiny wedding and depending on what was included I would spend £320 on a weekend away if I thought it would be a lot of fun. But that doesn’t matter here - you don’t want to spend that much on something you’re not fussed about so just say no. You don’t have to give a reason at all.

Catspyjamas17 · 20/02/2023 07:47

I'm just wondering why, if the less expensive and less formal pre-wedding celebrations involving everyone are more fun, why not make the wedding like that and have everyone there? I think some people have odd priorities.

Sandra1984 · 20/02/2023 07:47

“Hiya, would love to do the hen do with you guys but I’m afraid 320 is out of my budget. Love and enjoy the party. Xxx”

RampantIvy · 20/02/2023 07:50

The being too embarrassed to mention costs attitude some people have is odd and awkward.

I agree. In my world people aren't afraid to say if something is too expensive.

Maireas · 20/02/2023 07:50

Catspyjamas17 · 20/02/2023 07:47

I'm just wondering why, if the less expensive and less formal pre-wedding celebrations involving everyone are more fun, why not make the wedding like that and have everyone there? I think some people have odd priorities.

That's a very good point. I do wonder, though, if it's about social media? I think hen nights can be very instagrammable.

AllTheThingsIWantAreHere · 20/02/2023 07:59

Are you close to the bride? Can you mention it in person?

Thighlengthboots · 20/02/2023 08:02

Alexandernevermind · 20/02/2023 07:41

No, it is tacky to mention the cost. Just say you're unable to attend and wish them the best. it isn't tacky, it's honesty. The being too embarrassed to mention costs attitude some people have is odd and awkward.

I agree and its pretty insensitive for people not to realise that not everyone has money to blow on nights out/hen dos

Sadlifter · 20/02/2023 08:08

Thighlengthboots · 20/02/2023 08:02

I agree and its pretty insensitive for people not to realise that not everyone has money to blow on nights out/hen dos

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But the OP can afford it, as she's said.

Honestly? I'd rather spend money having a fun hen night and not have to bother buying a dress for the wedding. I actually couldn't afford 320, but the OP can, so if I was her I'd probably just go and enjoy myself.

Thighlengthboots · 20/02/2023 08:14

Sadlifter · 20/02/2023 08:08

But the OP can afford it, as she's said.

Honestly? I'd rather spend money having a fun hen night and not have to bother buying a dress for the wedding. I actually couldn't afford 320, but the OP can, so if I was her I'd probably just go and enjoy myself.

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I can afford a flashy expensive car but it doesnt mean I consider that a good use of my budget, it would be a waste of money to me and OP has every right to feel the same. Maybe she wants to save in case her circumstances change, maybe she wants to save for future college funds etc. Just because you have the money, doesnt mean you should spend it on whatever other people think you should. I wouldnt spend that amount on a hen do either. Noone is obliged to attend a social event if they dont wish to.

Bigpinktrain · 20/02/2023 08:14

SpringIntoChaos · 20/02/2023 07:21

Why on earth would she offer to pay for bubbly?? She's not even invited to the bloody wedding! 🤣

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If she wants to be friendly and generous 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sadlifter · 20/02/2023 08:19

Bigpinktrain · 20/02/2023 08:14

If she wants to be friendly and generous 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Two personality traits that are in short supply on mumsnet. People would rather tie themselves in indignant mental knots than appear friendly and generous. Although tbh I don't believe that people send these blunt messages in rl.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 20/02/2023 08:23

True.
To be fair I'd I was bowing out of a hen do I wouldn't do it by text at all.
I'd see/call the person have a lovely chat and break the news that way (gentle honesty) so there can be no misreading of the tone etc and it is easier to be diplomatic and gracious that way.

Sandra1984 · 20/02/2023 08:23

I can afford a lot of expensive stuff but I don’t do it because I’m carefully with my money. 320 for a hen do? Nope.

Sandra1984 · 20/02/2023 08:23

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 20/02/2023 08:23

True.
To be fair I'd I was bowing out of a hen do I wouldn't do it by text at all.
I'd see/call the person have a lovely chat and break the news that way (gentle honesty) so there can be no misreading of the tone etc and it is easier to be diplomatic and gracious that way.

This.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 20/02/2023 08:27

I wouldn't go either £320 is a lot for one night and not even invited to the actual wedding itself. I'd make excuses that it's a bit out of your price range and leave it at that.

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:37

Thanks everyone

She knows I can afford it, so reluctant to say about budget..

She's my cousin so my aunt is likely to discuss with my mother

Tempted just to be honest - it's outrageous to expect someone to pay that when they're not even going to the wedding

OP posts:
TuxedoJunction · 20/02/2023 08:40

Out of interest @mrsoodles what would you get for your £320? Do you know if others invited also deem it too much?

Maireas · 20/02/2023 08:41

Why aren't you invited to the wedding if she's your cousin?
Why would your aunt make a fuss?

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:42

One night in a 3* hotel and a mini treatment of choice - mini massage or mini facial

Check in 3pm and check out 10am

Oh and it's a two hour drive away

I was expected to drive, no offer of diesel money mentioned

I'm not even joking when I say I booked a trip to Krakow for less than this one night!

OP posts:
Sadlifter · 20/02/2023 08:43

Yeah that's expensive!

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:44

@Maireas aunt will make a fuss because she will know I'm dropping out because I don't want to go, rather than anything else

Thanks for everyone's suggestions so far 🙂

OP posts:
Maireas · 20/02/2023 08:44

Yes, I like the "mini" detail. It's a rip off.
No way is that £320.