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Original poster

£320 for hen night.. I'm not even invited to the wedding

258 replies

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:16

Ok so..

I said I would go to the hen night, figured it'd cost in/around £150 and tbh was quite looking forward to a facial/massage.

But..

£320?

Absolutely not. How do I word the text that I'm not going? I'm definitely not going.

Problem is, the bride and family know I can afford it. I don't even want to go to the wedding either. I literally just don't want to pay £320 for something I'm not overly fussed on.

Help dear MNers

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 20/02/2023 04:03

fatherfintanstack · 20/02/2023 00:26

I'd just be straight up:

'thanks for inviting me to the hen party. Plans look great but I'm afraid it's rather more than I was expecting to spend so i won't be able to join you. I hope you have a wonderful day and wedding though and look forward to catching up soon!'.

That way you're not claiming you can't afford it but telling the truth in a nice way. It is a lot of money and I'm guessing they're not someone extremely close if you're not invited to the wedding so they shouldn't take it personally.

This is perfect. Send this.

redundantsoon · 20/02/2023 04:04

OP, I think your response is fine! I wouldn’t mention a reason.

America12 · 20/02/2023 06:10

Your text sounds fine , I don't think you have to give a reason. Certainly don't lie

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 20/02/2023 06:19

I think @fatherfintanstack response is great, it manages to sound warm and friendly which is important, but is honest so won't potentially backfire, and unlike not giving a reason at all doesn't leave the bride wondering if she's offended you or something.

MichelleScarn · 20/02/2023 06:32

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 20/02/2023 00:44

Wtf? Do people invite others to their hen do but not their wedding? Shocked at this.

Because the other attendees/hens pay for the brides share of costs, and sometimes the bridesmaids too if they are grabby! More attendees more money for the pot!

laundryschmaundry · 20/02/2023 06:36

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/02/2023 03:25

No, it is tacky to mention the cost. Just say you're unable to attend and wish them the best.

It's not tacky, it's honest and it might mean someone else who genuinely can't afford it but would get themselves in debt to go would also speak up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2023 06:37

My dh was invited to a stag but not the wedding about 10 years ago. He wasn’t bothered and went off with the other guys.

TenoringBehind · 20/02/2023 06:46

i would send a text along the lines of the one suggested by @fatherfintanstack but change it to ‘more than I am able to spend’ rather than ‘expecting to spend’, so that she knows you just can’t do it rather than you’d rather not do it.

Nobody (sensible) could take offence at that. You might not be the only one feeling the same.

Doidontimmm · 20/02/2023 06:51

I had a tiny wedding last year and my best friend really wanted to plan me a hen. We did invite people not invited to the wedding but worded it saying appreciate we couldn’t invite them to the wedding but would love their presence at the hen - it was only a meal in town/theatre/drinks and some came for all 3 parts, some just one, whatever they could afford/fancied.

Blessedwithsunshine · 20/02/2023 06:53

It’s rude to expect people to spend so much for a hen night and yet not invite them to the wedding!! Ridiculous to think anyone will be interested.

LolaMoon · 20/02/2023 06:57

fatherfintanstack · 20/02/2023 00:26

I'd just be straight up:

'thanks for inviting me to the hen party. Plans look great but I'm afraid it's rather more than I was expecting to spend so i won't be able to join you. I hope you have a wonderful day and wedding though and look forward to catching up soon!'.

That way you're not claiming you can't afford it but telling the truth in a nice way. It is a lot of money and I'm guessing they're not someone extremely close if you're not invited to the wedding so they shouldn't take it personally.

This is perfect. It really doesnt matter what they think you can afford or not, £320 is a ridiculous amount to spend on a hen do. They have absolutely no idea of your other financial obligations. If you plan an expensive hen do, thats fine and your choice but you are going to have to accept that not everyone will come.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 20/02/2023 06:59

I think it depends on who is arranging the hen or stag. If the bride is arranging it, it's poor to invite people to the hen that has not been invited to the wedding but traditionally, the hen is arranged by a friend of the bride to celebrate her upcoming marriage so anyone that wants to celebrate the marriage, whether they are invited or not, attends.

Pipsquiggle · 20/02/2023 07:10

Would you go if it was cheaper?
If so, say that in the response as others might feel similar. Plans may or may not change but if they did change you should attend.

If you aren't bothered, just keep it short and sweet.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 20/02/2023 07:10

Well it doesn’t matter that you don’t want to go to the wedding since you haven’t been Invited.

how is this even a thread?

FinnRussell · 20/02/2023 07:10

fatherfintanstack · 20/02/2023 00:26

I'd just be straight up:

'thanks for inviting me to the hen party. Plans look great but I'm afraid it's rather more than I was expecting to spend so i won't be able to join you. I hope you have a wonderful day and wedding though and look forward to catching up soon!'.

That way you're not claiming you can't afford it but telling the truth in a nice way. It is a lot of money and I'm guessing they're not someone extremely close if you're not invited to the wedding so they shouldn't take it personally.

Another vote for saying this.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 20/02/2023 07:11

Schnooze · 20/02/2023 00:33

This is fine, but what happens if they ask why?

Show quote history

You don’t need to say why, if someone says no, it’s no.

Felicitythecat · 20/02/2023 07:15

fatherfintanstack · 20/02/2023 00:26

I'd just be straight up:

'thanks for inviting me to the hen party. Plans look great but I'm afraid it's rather more than I was expecting to spend so i won't be able to join you. I hope you have a wonderful day and wedding though and look forward to catching up soon!'.

That way you're not claiming you can't afford it but telling the truth in a nice way. It is a lot of money and I'm guessing they're not someone extremely close if you're not invited to the wedding so they shouldn't take it personally.

A very sensible reply. 🙂

Bigpinktrain · 20/02/2023 07:18

I would slightly sugar coat the truth, but be honest.
If you feel that way inclined you could offer to send £50 to cover the cost of a bottle of bubbly?

SpringIntoChaos · 20/02/2023 07:21

Bigpinktrain · 20/02/2023 07:18

I would slightly sugar coat the truth, but be honest.
If you feel that way inclined you could offer to send £50 to cover the cost of a bottle of bubbly?

Why on earth would she offer to pay for bubbly?? She's not even invited to the bloody wedding! 🤣

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 07:22

Mars27 · 20/02/2023 00:36

I'm genuinely puzzled as to why someone would invite to their hen night people that are not invited to the wedding. I just don't get it. It's like being invited for dinner just to be served the starter and be sent on your way before main course.

I'd be offended and wouldn't attend the hen night tbh

I know someone who was once invited to the ceremony, expected to fuck off for a bit whilst the proper day guests had their sit down meal, and then come back again for the evening.

I'd rather no invite 🤣

RampantIvy · 20/02/2023 07:26

I don't understand why people feel uncomfortable about saying that something is too expensive when it clearly is. It is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

I have been invited to a hen do and wedding. The hen is an afternoon tea in a local stately home at a cost of £24.95.

WinterFoxes · 20/02/2023 07:27

I'd be honest. People should start to speak up about the ridiculous costs friends demand of them these days to ceebrate weddings.

I'd say:

Dear X,

Thank you so much for the hen invitation. I really want to celebrate with you but I just can't justify spending £320 in the current climate. I'd love to get together with you and your close friends for a drink to toast you on your way, and hope you are up for this.

That is what a hen night should be!

MooFroo · 20/02/2023 07:32

Nope wouldn’t spend that much unless it was a best best friend or sister - and even then I would have talked to them about affordability of something like this for the people they were inviting. a friend recently cancelled her plans for an overseas birthday weekend, as the small group she was going to invite all said it was starting to get too expensive and might not be able to go. She just chose to do something much cheaper and closer and had still had lots of fun - which is surely the main thing?

I think more people just need to start pushing back with crazy events and occasions like this, and remind the organiser that everybody else has different commitments and be honest if they can’t afford or don’t want to pay that much! It’s money, time and stress factor too

Maireas · 20/02/2023 07:39

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 07:22

I know someone who was once invited to the ceremony, expected to fuck off for a bit whilst the proper day guests had their sit down meal, and then come back again for the evening.

I'd rather no invite 🤣

Show quote history

That's so rude, isn't it?.There was a thread on here about something similar - they had hours to kill in between the ceremony and the evening do. Awful.

Snoopystick · 20/02/2023 07:40

I’ve been on a hen do where I was the only one not invited to the wedding. There was only 6 of us at the hen and had only really been invited as the best friend of the sister in law to be, although I knew both the groom and bride well. It was bloody awkward, they obviously all wanted to talk about the details of the wedding and I felt like a spare part 😬