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Original poster

My partner isn't invited to brothers wedding

225 replies

Andy1234567 · 30/01/2016 17:29

Hello, I separated from my ex-wife nearly 5 years ago. My new partner has lived with me for nearly 1 1/2 years. My brother gets married in May this year and I am his best man and best friend, my three children are bridesmaids and page boy.
My brother told me they weren't inviting my partner as my ex wife phoned his btb and said she couldn't go to the wedding if my partner was there. I'm told she cried and cried to her saying she wanted to see her children at the wedding but just couldn't.
Anyway, she regularly meets my partner as she comes unannounced to our house when I have my children over. She also spent two hours at a sporting event stood 20m away without issue.
My partner was devastated at being told she wasn't invited but insists I should go anyway to support my brother.
I feel I cannot attend, I want to support my partner, my future with her and will really struggle to be at the event knowing that I should be with her.

Prior to this my partner and I regularly met with my brother and his btb. We've babysat for them on several occasions and had meals with them.
I can't understand how they could come to this decision. We were very happy to go to wedding irrespective of who else was going. It's their day not ours.
He is my brother and I want to support him but my future doesn't lie in the past. My kids all love my partner and we have a fantastic relationship together.

OP posts:
Blu · 06/02/2016 19:24

AcrossThePond: it may even have been the DDs chatting to exW about what dress DP is going to wear that had brought on this tantrum.

LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 06/02/2016 19:29

Also Andy Just seen that your exW randomly turns up at your house when you have the DC.

You need to stop this happening. Completely not on.

MissBattleaxe · 06/02/2016 20:35

I bet she still fancies you and/or is being possessive.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2016 21:47

Blu, I'm sure either that and the ex called the fiancée to wail about it or the fiancée asked her or told her that DP was going to be invited. Doesn't matter how the ex found out, all that matters is that she should not be allowed to interfere with Andy's brother's wedding.

MissyMaker · 07/02/2016 13:49

It's so great that you have stood your ground and are supporting your DP in this Andy. However gracious she was in saying that you should go regardless, knowing that she has your support in this is so important. You both sound a great strong, supportive couple.

Your exW is manipulative in the extreme. And your SIL-to be is either complicit in this or a complete pushover, as is your brother. They don't want any 'bad feeling'? They should have thought of that before they prioritised your exW's poor hurt feelings above any family loyalty or just ensuring that they do the right thing.

Fishface77 · 11/02/2016 07:57

Hi op, don't know if I'm allowed to post this here if not I understand pls delete but I think you sil to be had a thread in netmums under families and relationships

Sunbeam1112 · 11/02/2016 11:13

Should post this link on from here on there she might realise how unreasonable she is being.

PovertyPain · 11/02/2016 12:00

I just had a look Fishface and I agree that it seems like her. Of course her spin is different and she's trying to make the OP seem unreasonable. If it is her OP, then she's saying that you asked her not to invite your ex as it would make your gf uncomfortable.

ChimpyChops · 11/02/2016 12:22

She has a completely different story. If it is her she says you have asked her to not invite exW in case it hurts your gfs feelings. Nothing about already inviting exW and not your gf. In not sure it is her but certainly a huge coincidence if not.

ChimpyChops · 11/02/2016 12:24

The woman posting is getting married a month later too.

Alisvolatpropiis · 11/02/2016 12:29

Your brother and his fiancée are being very silly here.

Sunbeam1112 · 11/02/2016 13:17

Ask if shes tried to make OP appear aibu. Tbh even if what she said was the casd blood is thicker than water and should respect that he doesn't want his ex present at social gatherings.

Original poster
Andy1234567 · 11/02/2016 14:32

Hello everyone, this can't be my SIL as the name is different and the wedding is in a different month. Also my partner and I would have loved to go to my brothers wedding irrespective who was there. In my experience all I'd say is that the couple getting married send out invites and the person receiving them should decide if they can go or not. There is no question of putting conditions on their attendance, it's unacceptable.
My situation is still the same. I haven't heard from my brother since telling him I couldn't go.
Thanks again, Andy.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 11/02/2016 14:33

Looked at the other. I don't think it's the same as Andy has NOT asked SiL to disinvite/not invite the ex, just that his DP should also be invited or he will not attend. Not the same situation unless the OP 'over on the sparkly side' is twisting the situation to suit herself. Hers is that she is being asked to NOT invited the ex.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/02/2016 14:34

Xpost with you, Andy!

chillycurtains · 11/02/2016 14:37

Situation sucks but I would suck it up for your brother and his soon-to-be wife. I would book my partner something special to do that day - a trip out, day at a spa with a friend that day. If she is saying that she wants you to go and support your brother then she won't mind. This is rude to you but in the grand scheme of life a bit of a one off that doesn't matter too much.

PovertyPain · 11/02/2016 16:59

Situation sucks but I would suck it up for your brother and his soon-to-be wife.

Holy fuck! You have got to be kidding me? OP should put up with his gf being treated like shit, because the EX WIFE is being a nasty fuck? This would never have arisen if the brother hadn't been such a prat. He and his wtb should have told the ex that she would need to suck it up, then there wouldn't have been a problem.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/02/2016 17:44

I agree Poverty. Plus it sets up the dynamic of the ex being able to control any and all future occasions where the DP should or may want to attend.

Never give in to 'blackmail', and that's exactly what this is. "You better play my way (not invite the DP), or I'll take my ball and go straight home!".

Blu · 11/02/2016 19:15

LOL , is there no atrocity that cannot be put right by a day at a Spa?

If a Dp of mine tried to buy me off in such a patronising way I would be furious. The gf is not a toddler!

And this isn't just one day. It is a milestone in family history: at every family gathering for years to come someone will reminisce about the wedding, and Andy's best man speech, and how funny Andy's dd was as flower girl and oops, just remembered, Andy's partner wasn't there, to share in the reminiscing...
As Andy says, his future is with his gf. This wedding is part of the future.

TheTigerIsOut · 11/02/2016 20:15

Day in a spa????? Wtf?

AcrossthePond55 · 11/02/2016 20:17

LOL , is there no atrocity that cannot be put right by a day at a Spa?

No, none. If world leaders would simply treat terrorists to spa days, we'd have world peace! Or not. Hmm

PovertyPain · 11/02/2016 20:21

I have visions of a Spa filled with depressed mothers, neglected wives and angry/hurt girfriends. Grin

TheTigerIsOut · 11/02/2016 20:23

Spreading the bubbles of love? Hmm

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 11/02/2016 20:28

Let's get real, if any posters here were the DP, who's persona non grata at the wedding, then the OP could actually give us the real moon on a stick and we'd still be hurt.

If I were the OP I'd get a really decent wedding gift for DB and his BTB from both of us, be over generous if needs be, but stick to my principles.

TheTigerIsOut · 11/02/2016 20:36

There may be something wrong with me, I can't send gifts, much less so generous ones, when I'm offended.

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