Op I can relate to a lot of things you say in your op.
I think there is a significant difference between an “ordinary” empty nest> which direction shall I take now, sort of feeling , and a completely flat, everything is too much effort, when the mere thought of trying anything new is overwhelming and tiring.
I shouldn’t diagnose over the internet and am not qualified to do so, but I think this is clinical depression. Or autistic burnout.
You are in the midst of a very significant transition op moving house and the autistic brain sometimes can’t cope, or enjoy life, or focus on anything else, when something big and stressful is looming!
(Having said that, people with ASD usually have several special interests so what do I know? )
But the reason I mention ASD is that peri menopause can be the first time when it’s impossible to mask or cope any more. And women with autism often feel as if they are “useless at life” in general and lack confidence and experience high levels of anxiety which can be very draining. They can also react badly to extremes of weather! And although every person with autism is different, some tend to favour their own company. It’s maybe worth reading a little about female ASD?
If it’s clinical depression then you need treating op. I hear you loud and clear about how you are then perceived at the doctor or by other health professionals, having raised a mh issue, but I doubt that a short six month, or one year, course of anti-depressants to get you launched back in to life is going to alter their perspectives that radically.
Finally, you say your dh is tired at weekends and I am in a similar position. Don’t underestimate the effects of being in a relationship theoretically where you feel at this stage you should be free to be more selfish and explore your own interests, but at the same time your partner is still living the same life they have for years but is more tired and less able to join you in your potential new life.
This is a disorientating position to be in because on the one hand everything stays the same and on the other hand , for you it is all changing, and you can get stuck between the two, as your old life doesn’t suit you any more, but your new life isn’t there yet!
You are also literally as well as mentally in limbo because your house isn’t selling.
Our brains evolved to keep us safe from being eaten by wolves, so in this modern day, safer world, we may have to ignore what it is telling us sometimes about not trying new things or going out.
It’s the biggest gift you can give to yourself, your dh and your dc, is to think about an interest you have and pursue it and make time for yourself that is guilt free. If you like birds then go on a residential Field Studies Course or the Woodland Trust, join a birdwatchers group, find out where your nearest RSPB centre is and what activities are going on? Try painting birds on the feeding table in watercolours. There are lots of You Tube videos explaining how.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to start putting yourself first once in a while! Or preferably more frequently than that!
If you are too unmotivated to do anything like that and do it consistently, then I think you need to go back to your gp.
For me creating something, whether it’s a garden, a drawing, a sewn item, making a cake, an item of home decoration, a patchwork quilt or a cushion, writing a poem, keeping a diary, or anything along those lines is much more fulfilling than consuming.
One last thought, if you love exercise, maybe you need to try a new sport and a series of visits to a physio who specialises in the menopause and the pelvic floor might help? That needs to be tackled anyway as it doesn’t improve with age on its own.
Edited: just read your update op about your prolapse so please ignore my last paragraph.
Good luck 💐