Page 7 | What do I fill the hours and days for the rest of my life?

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 2026-10-25T09:56:01+00:00

I'm 48, on ALL the HRT, high ferritin (over 100). Very down in the dumps. Almost empty nester. Bored out of my brain. Term time office job. No spare cash. Live rurally. I don't know what I'm going to fill the hours with for the remaining 30yrs of my life. I don't want to volunteer. I don't go to church and have no interest in doing so after a catholic upbringing. I can't contemplate changing job as I am always knackered and the idea of having to adapt to something new makes me feel incredibly worried and knackered in advance. Also I feel I'm getting too old for that. My memory is abysmal. HRT made no difference to remembering things. I spent much of the school summer holidays lying on the bed avoiding the heat and staring at the ceiling or having naps. House is on the market so zero point in gardening etc. I do all the bare minimum maintenance. I've got no get up and go. At all. I exercise which I love and eat loads of fibre, but I find eating protein exhausting. I don't like exercise classes (hate exercising with other people) so workout at home. I am the cook so always need to be at home in the early evenings and at weekend dinner times. If you became an empty nester what did you do? Where do I even start? How do I pull myself out of such a dip?

MyrtleLion · 25/10/2026 14:38

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 14:26

Hi all, wow, I didn't anticipate so many answers, and also that it would resonate with so many people.

@DidoAndAeneasWereInLove sorry, I wasn't deliberately not replying.

I would never choose to take anti Ds. I would never judge someone else for taking them, but they are absolutely not for me.

I wouldnt ever tell a GP that I am depressed or anxious or whatever. I feel that this reflects poorly on any future healthcare and I wouldn't want to be judged this way. That's something I feel strongly about.

I did have some therapy/counselling after some poor health a few years ago which actually did help me at the time. I'm not sure I fancy going back. Therapy made me feel quite sick and anxious worrying about what to discuss each week. Counselling was much softer and nicer, though I did sometimes feel I was trying to entertain her!

One of the reasons I wrote this is because I know logically it's a terrible waste of life to behave the way I am behaving. So I know I have to kick myself out of the rut.

Regarding my thyroid, there might be something in that, my hair is coming out in handfuls despite my high ferritin (our scale locally is 15-150, so my 110 is really quite good). I might do an econsult about this again. My testosterone levels have dropped though so I trying to be really diligent about making sure I use the gel again. (my test results are from a fortnight ago so accurate).

I'm on 100mcg HRT patch and Mirena. These have worked really well for years. Can't switch to utrogestan, that really DID make me depressed.

I assume my vitamin D is high as I take 4000IU with K2 most days.

I do hours of walking each week, both with and without the dogs, I generally exercise first thing and each day I choose whether to walk/yoga/weights. For the PP asking about YouTube people, I follow growing Ananas, bodyfit by Amy, fitwithmik etc. Yoga I do kassandra.

@MyrtleLion oddly enough I think that's what I've been doing. Normally something comes along in life doesn't it. But I don't think it will this time unless I do something about it. Ive been waiting for too long.

@ChillWith when I was 15, I stared longingly at posters of Jason Donovan and listened to the Lemonheads. Annoyingly they played in my town a few weeks ago, but I would have had to go on my own and it was a work/school night so I couldn't summon the energy. It's a 45min drive. But I'm pretty disappointed in myself as the 16yr old me would have been so excited to see them!

I do go to the theatre sometimes with DD and I go to the odd comedy night with DH. I also have a friend I meet in London once a year for lunch. So I'm not a total hermit.

But the days between all these things happening are long. I especially dread weekends as they are just this yawning bit of time to fill. To those of you with young DC, I promise that I used to be the same as you - parties and drop offs and sports fixtures. And it does quieten down in time!

@HollyBobby thats a good idea about removing dates from CV. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I'll try getting chatGPT to update it for me. And this week I'm on half term so I could try looking at jobs.

I know it can feel like something should have come along by now, but you've spent years being everyone's everything. It will take time to get used to not being that person. Not only are you feeling a little flummoxed about "losing" that role, you are probably grieving it too.

I promise you, your chldren will always want and need you, so your role is changing, not going, but it takes time to get used to it. And if you've spent months feeling guilty about doing nothing, it will take a bit longer to do nothing and not feel guilty.

If you do want to feel a bit more proactive think about the theatre and comedy and maybe take an acting or stand-up class. It doesn't mean you have to actually get up on a stage or become a professional, but it can mean you understand more about techniques and the process. As a result you might enjoy watching it more. At the same time, you might find it absolutely terrific to explore yourself and how you might use acting or comedy to understand what you're feeling.

You're amazing and something will turn up. Just relax, be open to it.

Original poster

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 14:39

@Dorothyperky yes will definitely be less rural.

@BendyAndTired before DC, fun was very early 2000s and revolved around wine and the pub! Not such a healthy occupation now!

@CharlotteStreetW1 yes I do hear that in myself. A stroppy truclulent child! I discussed this with DD, she suggested getting ducks and DS suggeste learning to make bird tabled as I love the bird app 😂

So I did suggest a different location for our dog walk earlier which was nice and we haven't been there in ages.

Apologies if I haven't replied to all of the people who have posted. I read every one of them and appreciated the supportive and the kicks up the backside too.

Tbh, you all say the same thing my mum would say. Just join something or go out for a drink with someone.

I'm going to write a list later of all the suggestions and pick some. I especially like hostage negotiator and learn to climb a climbing wall. I sadly don't have a book in me.

But I might cook some new recipes this week and also I have some photograph albums to fill for the DC which have been sitting there for several years.

Thank you so so much for being so kind.

OP posts:

CarbonAtom · 25/10/2026 14:40

bafta16 · 25/10/2026 12:51

Rather top myself

Show quote history

Ok

Original poster

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 14:40

@MyrtleLion careful, you'll make me cry ☺️

OP posts:

Lighthouse143 · 25/10/2026 14:42

I’m 53 and 54 this year. I’m burnt out after 30 years of teaching and despite going down to 0.8 just over a year ago I’m still exhausted and tired. So much of my identity was my children, worrying about them eg work experience, studying, exams and making their lives as happy as I could eg steam engine, National Trust places, crabbing by the beach, board games and so on- I lost myself. I did rounds of therapy but I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD late at post 50. I’ve had a really hard few years and I’m just being kind to myself. SM is feeding a false narrative of you need to do this or this or this, to be happy.

Can you get your GP to run a panel of bloody tests. Menopause is only one potential reason. Iron, vitamin D, thyroid all of these can potential cause lack of energy and tiredness. Could also be seasonal. For me the summer was too hot, I couldn’t relax and I had a personal trauma to deal with and process.

If you like to read - read. Don’t worry about what you should be doing. I’m currently on holiday and we have plenty of lovely places to visit but actually we are stocking up in Tesco after a nice pub lunch and heading back for a nap!

You could consider talking therapies or life coaching as well. But sometimes accept the season and do a bit of what makes you happy each day.

Original poster

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 14:44

@Lighthouse143 enjoy your nap. I'm writing this from under my duvet too.

OP posts:

Sunshineandrainbow · 25/10/2026 14:46

HollyBobby · 25/10/2026 12:17

OP, this was me four years ago. Here’s what I did:
I literally threw myself out of the front door and joined whatever was going in the village. This was: ladies choir (hated it, stayed until after the Christmas concert and then made my excuses) where even though I discovered I can’t sing very well, I made a couple of new friends who invited me to go church bell ringing. I was terrible at the bells, (and they were kind, but booted me out) but I made more really random friends who I would never have met otherwise. Then I volunteered to join a parish committee. Did that for three years, was interesting and I made more random friends. The upshot of this was that now when I wander down to the village shop, chances are that I will meet someone I know and stop for a chat. Before, I knew hardly anyone and didn’t socialise in the village at all.

I also took a long hard look at my cv and rewrote it. Took out dates of when I was at university and my birthdate and started applying for jobs in a different sector. It took about 12 months and I’ll be honest, I needed that to get the hang of interviews again, but I got a new job, and I feel like a completely different, much happier, person.

Also, batch cook and freeze dinners for seven days. If you are out or can’t be bothered to cook, get one and eat it. Saves hours of mind-numbing mental load mid-week.

There were times when I despaired and my husband kept my spirits up, but I made the changes. Husband says he can’t see me retiring any time yet because I’m enjoying my job too much. You can do it. Get out of the front door, be brave and start making some changes.

Edited

That's interesting about the CV. Do you also remove dates on jobs?

Is this an age thing? I am proud of my 26 years NHS service but I guess it does show my age! And might hold me back from interviews?

Mightymuscle · 25/10/2026 14:47

Could you volunteer in the school holidays or to avoid the long free time just change jobs. House for sale, are you moving to somewhere with more going on locally? Have you considered all the menopausal meds may be making you depressed, they don't work for everyone. You say you are an empty nester, has the family moved away outwith contact opportunities? Could you afford a motor home to travel about in during the holiday periods. Sites are a good way to have contact with others without having to commit to maintain contact.
Lying on your bed during the hot summer, a lot of people would have liked to be able to do that.

AprillyJill · 25/10/2026 14:48

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 10:26

@Italiangreyhound no, this is something I need to sort out myself.

For some reason, your thread grabbed me and I thought 'this is a serious person grappling a serious problem'. When I got to this comment of yours I was reminded of a conversation Gyles Brandreth had with Anthony Clare (the radio psychiatrist) which he writes about in his '7 Secrets' book.

I wonder if it might have some useful insights for you. The audiobook is not very long. I wasn't a natural fan of the author and came across the slim book when clearing out my late Dad's flat. It gave me some insight into my Dad's positive approach to life and I found it helpful and thought provoking.

Can you take a first step by simply looking to see what is available to you locally or online at a time/cost that is convenient and see if there's anything you could try once experimentally for information gathering purposes?

Best of luck.

www.amazon.co.uk/Secrets-Happiness-Optimists-Journey/dp/B0DKY3LMMT

JacknDiane · 25/10/2026 14:48

Following with interest

collectiveideasneeded · 25/10/2026 14:52

I could've written this. Mine are nearly all grown up, though still at home. They CBA until they need something. DH has always had hobbies to keep him busy. He's they more chilled and therefore favoured parent (so I feel hard done by!). He's currently out of work having always been the breadwinner. No jobs yet. It's very stressful for me as I'm now earning for 6. Not enough, obvs. DH has always put more effort into his hobbies and interests - just like his parents did. No matter how many times I point this out, he changes for a bit and back to the old feeling invisible. I think it's ingrained in him.

I'm also term-time only.

I have few friends (had a long-term health condition which meant I only had energy for work and parenting. I let many friendships go). I also don't rely on friends to download on so feel trapped inside my own head. My friends I do see are long-term old friends who dot all live locally.

I know you asked about you, and all I've done is talk about me, but because it struck me as reassuring to 'see' that someone else (and plenty of others probs) feel the same as us.

There has to be joy again, right? Please let there be joy!

In solidarity 💖

ViciousCurrentBun · 25/10/2026 14:54

I have tried so many things, I was a bit shit at some of them and ok at most of them. But I met lots of people and had a laugh on the way.

Seems like you didn’t even try stuff when younger before children came along. So many people will assume peri menopause but maybe it’s just that your entire mindset and your entire life has just been doing what is expected of nice girls. A bit like that Trainspotting monologue.

Zippidydoodah · 25/10/2026 14:54

GooseCreekandtheRiver · 25/10/2026 10:13

I am the cook so always need to be at home in the early evenings and at weekend dinner times.

Of course you don’t! Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve just given up and pigeonholed yourself.

You could take up sailing and train for a round the world race.

You could do a new degree in a field that always interested you.

You could move to Italy and start farming olives.

Become the world expert in model railways.

Train as a hostage negotiator.

Become a specialist in rare daisies.

Dont throw away what could be another 40 years of unique you-ness just because you think someone might want you to cook dinner!

What a great post! 👏

HorseandHeron · 25/10/2026 14:54

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 10:13

@TallSturdyGirls yes, my life is incredibly small indeed.

I don't really have anyone I could call for a coffee. There were lots of mum friends when DC at primary, but no one that I'd have a glass of wine with.

Yes my parents in 70s and 80s do way more than me!

I'm in a similar position, in that my life feels very small these days. DC are grown up - one's abroad, the other in London with a very hectic life. My life revolved around them a bit too much.

I am trying to make myself do things, whether I want to or not, just to expand my life. I've joined a local fitness class and a writing group, signed up to do some voluntary work which hasn't happened yet but I am looking forward to it. DH and I try to go into town a few times a month to a film, show, gig, concert or exhibition.

If you enjoy reading, could you join or set up a book club? You don;t have to want to, you just have to be capable of doing it. When we are in such a deep rut we need to coax ourselves out by doing things we know are good for us, despite our lethargy. Easier said than done, as I well know, but I am trying, in the hope that something will click and give me a new lease of life.

orangegato · 25/10/2026 14:55

TallSturdyGirls · 25/10/2026 10:22

Oh Ive been there. It is tough. But you can change it I promise. Think of it as a five year plan, rather than something that's going to happen overnight.

Move somewhere mire interesting ( the house is probably on too high a price so need to drop it). Make the sixteen year old less dependent. Teach them skills my 16 year old gets her self all over the city, cooks, cleans and has a job. All good skills.

Then just go for it. Join loads of things.Do loads of things, speak to people be friendly. Some people will like, you, some people won't.That's fine! Join social things where there are events like team Sports (I am fecking useless at my sport but love it), a choir, running club, go to the extra activities or suggest socials.

Its hard pushing through that feeling of lowness but do it before it embeds.

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Which sport please? I fear I am useless at most and need a recommendation…

mrsconradfisher · 25/10/2026 14:59

I wish you lived near me, I feel exactly the same. Term time job, 2 DC one is 21 and at Uni and the other is 16 and in Y11. Both boys who share hobbies of football and golf with DH but I have nothing. DH worked abroad for most of their childhood so I could have no hobbies or social life as had no childcare, it was just us 3 doing life on our own. Now I have the time to do something I have no energy to do it. It’s really lonely. I do have 1 very good friend but she finds seeing me really hard as her DD died a few years ago and she was exactly the same age as my DS1. We met on their first day of primary school.

I just feel so lost and pointless.

Original poster

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 15:07

@collectiveideasneeded talk away. I've no friend I could say any of this to either. Very very happy for you to talk to me on here ❤️

@mrsconradfisher here's a glass of wine to share 🍷

@Mightymuscle yes I am very aware of the privilege that came with being able to idle in the summer holidays. I don't have to worry about the food shop cost etc

I'm pretty sure my HRT is fine, it's certainly worked until now.

@AprillyJill thats a great recommendation thank you. I will look it up.

OP posts:

orangegato · 25/10/2026 15:07

BreatheAndFocus · 25/10/2026 11:31

You’re only 48! I’m a tiny bit older than you and I don’t have enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to! It might not be the whole answer to your problem, but I assume there’s something off physically. I can’t exactly remember the ferritin range but are you sure yours isn’t at the low end? I think the ideal range goes up to 300+.

Also, have you had your Vitamin D checked? It’s surprisingly easy to be low in Vitamin D in the U.K., and a deficiency, even if still just in range, can cause a lot of tiredness and a feeling like someone’s sucked the energy out of your limbs and brain.

You say you haven’t had any career ambitions and the thing you liked most was being a SAHM. That’s absolutely fine. Some people just don’t care about careers as much as others. But that doesn’t explain why you don’t enjoy doing things. As your children got older, you should have developed some hobbies.

Your lack of get up and go sounds quite extreme. Could you be depressed? Bored with your job? Too tired from your job to do anything? Try to work out the causes after ruling out physical issues.

If you like exercise, why not try something new? I did. I took up a completely new sport recently as a total beginner. I don’t think I’d have done it when I was younger but one of the good things about getting older is caring less what people think. There are loads of sports you could do. You could also join local walking groups.

Try something new, something that you’d never have thought of or something that you’ve always been interested in but never got round to trying. Do an evening class; go away for a day to a new city; learn a language - there are loads of things to do. You like reading, you say, so join a book club - or start one! Volunteer at your local library, sell secondhand books on EBay, write your own book! Watch all the boxsets you never had time to watch when your children were younger but, go to the cinema by yourself, learn a musical instrument.

Make a list of places you want to visit. They could be on your doorstep, eg a walk you’ve never done, or the other side of the world. Research them, think, dream. The whole world is out there.

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Which sport please? I really need some ideas

TwentyProjects · 25/10/2026 15:07

Can you take up walking/hiking, makes me feel great and then happy to relax at home afterwards, loads of trails across the UK

bellhawk · 25/10/2026 15:07

You could be a volunteer usher at the theatre, if you enjoy going to shows. Baking, cooking - try recipe bozes like green chef, gousto, hello fresh to mix it up, try taster classes like reformer pilates, boxing, languages, pottery, painting / life drawing. Your spark is in there, you just need to find it again.

orangegato · 25/10/2026 15:08

mrsconradfisher · 25/10/2026 14:59

I wish you lived near me, I feel exactly the same. Term time job, 2 DC one is 21 and at Uni and the other is 16 and in Y11. Both boys who share hobbies of football and golf with DH but I have nothing. DH worked abroad for most of their childhood so I could have no hobbies or social life as had no childcare, it was just us 3 doing life on our own. Now I have the time to do something I have no energy to do it. It’s really lonely. I do have 1 very good friend but she finds seeing me really hard as her DD died a few years ago and she was exactly the same age as my DS1. We met on their first day of primary school.

I just feel so lost and pointless.

Which region? I’d go for a glass of wine!

Fernsarethebestplants · 25/10/2026 15:15

Zippidydoodah · 25/10/2026 14:54

What a great post! 👏

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Just resign as the cook. Direct them towards ready meals, leave some picky bits, or they can get a takeaway. Or they will start taking it in turns to cook, which could be fun for them.

If you are happy that your main purpose in life is cooking, then keep going. I have a couple of friends who love it, love choosing the ingredients, planning new menus, they just enjoy this. Good for them, but if it's not your thing, why are you spending all your planning, time and energy on this thing?

Your family probably will protest, it's nice to have someone to make you dinners all the time, but ultimately that's your one life and if you don't want to be chief chef and bottlewasher, now is the time to step back. Let them know, get online shopping, they can step forward or heat ready meals or picky bits and then you can live your life less as their assistant and more like your own person.

Fernsarethebestplants · 25/10/2026 15:18

My tip for finding direction is to have a project.

If you like walking, what about walking the coastal path where you live. If you like volunteering with kids, how about starting up a club?

I think you need a goal, something to aim for and accomplish. I do anyway, I hate just drifting along trying to fill time.

Also, looking after your body isn't a project, it's what you have to do to be able to do projects. I often think lives filled with appointments, jogging, shopping and beauty stuff are a bit 'meh' as the thing you are improving is you, and that can get a bit dull once you've hit a reasonable level.

Distraction and a purpose outside yourself (or a longheld dream) is more motivating than becoming 'even fitter' if you are already reasonably fit. That's why people do marathons or Hyrox.

Original poster

Weallwantalltheimpossiblethings · 25/10/2026 15:19

TwentyProjects · 25/10/2026 15:07

Can you take up walking/hiking, makes me feel great and then happy to relax at home afterwards, loads of trails across the UK

I'd actually love this, but I'm slightly incontinent from a prolapse and it's not a good look going behind a tree every half hour for a wee 😂

OP posts:

TheHouseofBamboo · 25/10/2026 15:20

TuneInTuneOut · 25/10/2026 11:01

I took quite a few years off trying to solve this problem. I researched and researched and followed all of the advice. I volunteered, I was physically active, I met lots of new people, I went on yoga and meditation retreats, I spent time outdoors, I went swimming in the sea, I left my career to follow my dreams, I spent weekends doing nothing and just Being...

I just ended up poorer and no happier. I've decided "sod it". Life is hard whatever you do. I'm shattered all of the time whatever I do. I might as well earn a bit more money whilst enduring it. I've returned to my professional job.

This is refreshingly honest.

I have no answers OP but I feel a bit the same.
I'm 68, retired, health up and down, live in a tiny village. DC grown up, DH retired.
I work hard to fill my days. I go to the gym, walk every day, line dancing, pilates.

What I lack is social contact and a purpose.

I hate craft. I joined a sewing group and stuck with it for a couple of years. Quite enjoyed the chat but hated sewing. I joined a knitting / crochet group but I don't think there's anyone on my wavelength. I have a couple of friends who are the sort with a massive circle of friends so I don't reach the top of their list very often. I like reading but hate book groups.