Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

If you stayed back, gave up Australia, and it didn’t work out how would you feel?

I feel like Richard Curtis may have the answer to this one

I’m already so torn about moving to Australia as it is. I’m excited for the opportunity but terrified because I don’t know anyone out there. So many mixed emotions!

Hmm yeah
Maybe think of the least embarrassing way to say it to him, I mean even if he doesn't feel the same way, you do know he likes you so he'd probably be flattered and be kind about it....
And perhaps he is indeed feeling the same way.
As if he doesn't feel the same way and it gets a bit awkward, well you're then leaving to go to Australia anyway so you would be soon out of the situation.
I probably would say something though in case you end up tortured with "What ifs"

Yes, it’s the “what ifs” that are really messing with my head right now. I’ve never felt more torn about anything

Would knowing his feelings change your decision about moving? I’d speak to him and then you can make an informed decision about moving and if he doesn’t you have an easy way out. Good luck 🤞🏻

This is the correct answer. It’s a no brainer really .

Are you planning on accepting the job irrespective if this man is interested or not? If he is interested, then realistically, would you need to change your job? If he's in a more senior position, then you'd probably have no option. Is the role in Australia giving you opportunities that you wouldn't have in your current role or in the UK?

If you're planning on accepting the job, I'd leave all well alone. There's little point in saying anything, because you can't pursue a relationship with someone who lives the other side of the world.

If you're in two minds over the job, then yes you could confess your feelings but you'd have to do so knowing you'd potentially need to find a new job (either because he is interested or it's now very awkward to remain friends).

Are you maybe looking for a reason not to go?

How would you suggest? I’ve never confessed my feelings before… the thought terrifies me!

I think so, but only because I’m already conflicted about the job. I have a month to decide given my current notice period

No, just leave it! Even if he feels the same you’re going to Australia. It’s nice having a crush, you’ll look back fondly but I really wouldn’t pursue anything!

Are you sure he’s single?

I think hand in your notice and see what he does, I’m sure his reaction to that will tell you a lot.

I am in two minds over the job. On paper it is a fantastic opportunity but I’m afraid about moving so far away, and all alone. I’m very introverted and concerned I’ll be lonely. But the opportunity is a huge one.

Yes, I am sure.

It’s so tricky because of Australia; you’re basically saying ‘I would stay for you’ which is a LOT of pressure on a new relationship. Oh I dunno on this one sorry!

Bit too late by then, surely?

All good. I know. It’s really tough.

Could you be looking for a reason not to go because you are scared?

If you confess your feelings you are putting huge pressure on the situation to hat would likely screw up the beginning of any relationship anyway! You’d effectively be giving up a huge opportunity for a guy. Don’t do it. He will feel the pressure, you might start to feel bad about it. It’s a doom scenario, not a romcom happy ending.

I agree.

No, don't do anything. If he wanted to he would.

If he really liked you he would have made his feelings known but he hasn't so there's your answer.

Would a man let a potential life and career changing opportunity like an overseas move pass by due to a potential love interest? Very unlikely, think like a man and put yourself and your career first.

Don't make a fool of your self by declaring your love to someone you might need to ask for a professional reference in the future.

A potential 'Sliding Doors' indeed.

I don't know why anyone thinks that telling a guy that you like them is 'embarrassing'.

I married and had children because I told a friend that I fancied him. I don't even remember thinking about whether I would find it 'embarrassing'. I didn't care if he said he didn't fancy me! I'm a big girl.

Tell him, OP. Or just invite him round and play Rod Stewart 'Do Ya Think I'm, Sexy?' loudly.