Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

Someone confessed their love to me as I was leaving the country. Suffice to say, I was kind but I still left.

Drunk leaving do? There's no point making a life-changing decision based on a crush but at least you'd know and he might visit.

He is in a senior position to her at work so probs. waiting for it to come from her...

I would broach it and say ‘I’m really going to miss you when I leave. I’ve loved our lunches/ coffee breaks’ etc then gauge his reaction.

You say that, but he asked me out on a date a few months ago. I stupidly thought he was joking and laughingly turned it down. Since then we have built the friendship back up. We have plans together for the next few weeks. I think he’s afraid of confessing anything after what happened last time and I’m also afraid. But I’m not sure if I’m misreading the whole thing. Feel so very conflicted.

I have also not accepted the job in Oz yet. I’m torn for various reasons, not just him, but he is probably the main one at this stage.

You should be more concerned about the what ifs of not going to Australia, than the possibility of something long term working out with a work crush. It is much more likely that when you are older you will look back and kick yourself that you didn’t give Australia a try. It’s the classic deathbed regret. You have no idea who your boss really is. How people present at work has no relevance at all to how they are in a relationship. I’d focus on Australia outside of him. Most men are a disappointment anyway so I’d grab Australia and find a man out there instead. There are thousands of men who will be compatible with you who are you are attracted to. There’s only one Australia.

I’ve lived in Australia. You would be nuts to not grab this opportunity.

You could always take the coward’s way out (not to be sniffed at, it saves face on all fronts) and get a colleague to mention it to him in an omg you can’t tell scaredaboutwork I said this, way.

They can say they know you like him, ask what he thinks and then either way cover with an oh you mustn’t tell her I said anything.

Then if he isn’t interested in you in that way he has already been asked to not mention it and you can just pretend it never happened.

Can you ask him when are you going to take me on that date you were talking about before, it would be good for us to go before I go to Australia?!

Accept the job, open up to him and enjoy the next few months.

Do you plan to come back to the UK or is the move permanent? Worry about that later. There is a reason there is a saying don't shit where you eat so one of you will have to leave anyhow if you pursue a relationship.

Fuck it. I'd tell him. You'd always be wondering what if....He can always get a two (might even be 3 now) working visa and come with. Life's too short.

Spot on! 😂

You need to tell him, without mentioning the job in Australia. Just ask him out on a date!

Nah, sorry, life is too short to jump on a plane and spend the rest of your life thinking 'what if' and if he was the one that got away.

For me, I am putting my big girl pants on, and I am telling him how I feel. There is no way I am missing an opportunity to let someone who I am in love with know how I feel about them.

If its reciprocated and he has feelings for you too then you have a decision to make about Oz. But at least it will be an informed decision rather than a guess, or a 'what if?'

OP don't keep your love for him to yourself.

Be brave and ask him out for lunch/coffee, anywhere where you feel comfortable, and then, what I would do, is tell him you have something to say. That this is difficult for you but please can he listen and not say anything until you have finished. Then when you tell him how you feel, make sure that you say that its okay if he doesn't feel the same but you just need to put it out there and it it doesn't come back that you will be okay.

If he doesn't feel the same, it will hurt, but at least you won't spend the rest of your days wondering about what could have been.

Rip off the plaster OP and DO IT! ❤

If you're not convinced about moving to Australia, totally separately to your feelings for him, then I like this idea! Something inviting him out by referencing the date invitation he made, at least.

Although really, what's the worst that can happen if you just tell him you like him fairly bluntly? If your confession is received poorly then you can just abscond to Australia - it's not like you have to stick around to live down the embarrassment

I think you should decide on the Australia job opportunity separate from what he says or else it puts too much pressure on his answer... Either decide to go for yourself, or don't, based on the job opportunity - but then tell him how you feel once you have decided, and let that be a separate thing.

If he was moving to Australia, and he told you he loved you, would you go out and visit him? Is the Australia move likely to be a permanent one, or just for a few years? Maybe it wouldn't be the end of it.

Do you feel like January was just two seconds ago? Because I do. A year is no time at all. Tell him, but still go. If the timings work when you’re back then great.

Personally I think go for it.

if he doesn’t feel the same, then I think that’s your answer to go to Oz and see how it goes.

can you keep us updated though? Because I’m invested.

Assuming your current job is similar to the new opertunity (so he would know about the industry/type of work), and if your fairly close with him anyway (socialise outside of work the same way you do other friends) then tell him about the job. Talk through the pros and cons with him, approach it as if your asking for advice/his opinion.

His reaction/response may tell you more about his feelings towards you, it might prompt him to confess his feelings too if he doesn't want you to go, or he may remain completely platonic in his reaction, or even fully encourage you to go.

It may also help you decide about the job to discuss it with someone else familiar with it. Just make sure you make your final decision based on what's best for yourself

Go to Australia. Even if he does like you, that's a lot of pressure to put on someone - you giving up such an exciting opportunity for them, as soon as you get together. You may not think putting pressure on but I bet he would feel it.

How long are you working overseas? Perhaps try and keep in touch, create a friendship and then see if anything happens if you are both free upon your return. I don't think it's worth giving up Australia on a 'what if'. It's a great opportunity to see a bit of the world and who knows, you may meet someone over there too.

He’s actually a Kiwi who used to live in Australia!

Currently it is six months fixed term. If I enjoy it/they like me they will sponsor a skilled visa for me.

You don't 'confess your feelings'. You will look like a lemon. Just ask him out for a drink and see how that goes. He might be a right muppet once you get to know him. If you tell him you have a crush on him you will cringe forever.

Let him do some of the running at least or it's all one sided and no-one wants that.

I would ask him for a drink after work. Tell him everything. About the job offer, your feelings for him, all of it.

Good luck!

You don't want a romantic relationship with your boss, do you? Might be worth checking what the company policy is re that. Obvs you could get another job.

You could tell him, but still go to Aus and see how you feel when you're away from him, living a different life. You could also meet the love of your life oit there

I’d apologise for turning down his date offer and then say can you reconsider. He obviously does like you if he asked you out first.

I did say we should hang out more - and we booked the theatre for next week! So, I honestly don’t know if it’s a date or just friends hanging out. We also went to a concert last week. Nothing has ever happened though