Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

100% this, exactly what I was thinking. Love is so often fickle.

Why don't you ask him out on a date?
Do you fancy a night out somewhere?
Like you he can either say no or yes..not sure why you turned him down really.

Actually scrap my advice above. This sounds WAY more fun 😂

Sweetheart @scaredaboutwork you’re 28 years old, this is a huge opportunity for you, what an experience!

planes go both ways too love, if you don’t like it, you can come back!

he’s the boss.. he can get his arse on a plane to see you if that’s what he wants to do.

if your gut feeling is that there are feelings both ways, what have you got to lose by telling him how you feel?

if you’re wrong, you have hardly any time to be cringing, and you don’t necessarily ever have to see him again.

life is short. The world is small. Deep breath and tell him

This was basically going to be my advice! Worked with DH.

Are you seriously considering giving up an amazing job opportunity… for a man?!?!

I think you are hoping he wants to date you so then you have an ‘excuse’ not to go.

I think you’ve just got cold feet.

It’s 6 months of your life.
Stay in touch with him when you’re over there and see how you get on.

It’s also not good to mix dating your boss with your job anyway.

Go but say to him you are going to miss him so much say you want to keep in contact with him and maybe he could come and visit you once settled.

This is so Tim and Dawn! Does he know about Australia? If not, I'd just casually mention that you are thinking about applying for a job in Oz, but are still weighing up whether you really want to make such a big move. Ask his advice and gauge his response. If he is interested in you, this could be the time for him to tell you. Just ask him if he'll miss you if you go -say it in such a way that it could be taken as a light hearted comment- and see how he responds. If he says that he will, just reiterate that you are still only thinking about it and could be open to persuasion either way. That gives him an opening to take the conversation further. If he responds with something like 'yes of course I will but it could be a great opportunity..' or something similar you'll know that you are flogging a dead horse. Keep us updated as to the outcome!

Tell him then go to Australia- it's perfect if he doesn't feel the same way- and if he does you will have to work it out.
You will always regret if if you don't ask, and you will regret it if you turn down Australia.

But it would involved about 300 misunderstandings, all easily rectified but somehow it never happens and some messages written on cardboard.

And he can do it again.

“Will you come and stay with me when I moved to Australia?” And watch the reaction.

I would tell him, but not tell him about the job offer in Australia just yet. If he is keen you have a month to see how it goes and decide without putting pressure on him. If he rejects you then off you go and you don’t need to work with him 😊

Go to Aus, and fall in love with a nice Aussie chap, and put your colleague behind you.
And if it doesn't work out in Aus, come home and find yourself a nice British chap who doesn't have the complications that this one does.

Don’t give up the chance of true love for a job. Tell him how you feel and give it a go if he feels the same. If it doesn’t work out there will be loads of other career opportunities ❤️

Don’t move to Australia. Too far from
the rest of the world. I always feel isolated when I visit for holidays.

I think you should express your feelings or you may regret it later, just be careful on how you word it.

Don’t miss out on opportunities at your age - you will never again have the freedom to explore places, people and yourself as much as you do right now.

Do let him know how you feel. If he asked you out previously it obviously won’t be unwelcome. Why are you doubting this?

But then also DO definitely go to Australia regardless. 6 months is not too long and if it starts well between you he could come visit.

Moreover 6 months is not too long for you to come back home after if you hate it there. The opportunity sounds amazing and the ‘what ifs’ if you don’t try it will be huge. Honestly, just do it.

And then you can tell him you’re going but that in thinking it through you realised how much you’d miss him and let the conversation go from there.

I love this idea!

I think you are living in some type of fantasy world, you have a job in OZ but do you want to stay or live there? Its costs at least £20000 to get residency, if you tell him you like him the best you will get is a s**g, do you think he will say stay and marry me or i will come with you,

Millions of Australians seem to manage just fine.

It’s for six months initially anyway. If OP doesn’t like it she can always come home.

Is it true love if it can’t manage a six month separation, though? You learn so much about yourself living somewhere else for a bit and it’s an amazing opportunity to develop her career, not just a one-off job.

I missed the fact that it is only for six months. In that case, tell him how you feel and have a long distance relationship til you come back or he joins you out there. Love is so much more important than careers in the end.

If it was true love, do you not think he'd have made it clear that he was interested by now? I think the opposite - don't give up the career-adventure-of-a-lifetime on the offchance that some bloke you work with might fancy you even if he has never made a move.

1. Tell him
2. Go to Australia
3. If he feels the same, he can come visit and you can do long distance for 6 months. If he doesn't feel the same, you don't have to see him again!

Why should it come from him?

Women should feel equally as confident asking a man out.