Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

Take the job.
Don't confess your feelings.
Stay in touch as friends.
See what happens from that.

I think you need to do something, you'll regret it if you don't. How about saying that you've been head hunted for a job in Oz and you're very flattered but not sure what to do. At some point you can laugh and say "Would you miss me?" and then look very carefully to see what his reaction is. You have to ask outright because if he's a nice chap he could encourage you to go thinking this is what you want him to do. Good luck!

I’d just ask him straight out. You’ve haven’t got anything to lose. If he’s already asked you out on a date that shows he’s interested. If he’s changed his mind you can leave the country for 6 months. Fortune favours the brave.

"think like a man and put yourself and your career first." she is a woman. one reason the West is in such trouble is women being strong-armed into acting like men.

Don't Teel him how you feel. He may just be an amazing senior to work with and you get on really well. It's work he's a senior and has the upper hand. Don't blur the lines.

An opportunity to go to Australia sounds amazing. It may work out really well for you. if it doesn't, you tried it and it wasn't for you. I would think that would be the biggest regret if you didn't tale thst opportunity.

You never know who you're going to meet who will match your feelings and be a perfect fit for you.

Relationships come and go and sometimes are disappointing in real life than what is played out in the mind.

Oh my God even if he did reciprocate don't give up your ambitions and dreams for a man for fuck sake!

They're like buses, there will be another three along.

You're not conflicted about the job, you just really fancy this bloke. Do NOT give up your dreams and ambitions for a man. Not ever.

Go to Australia. I did, and it was the best decision I ever made. You can always go home if you don’t like it. Don’t give up a great opportunity for a man!

It isn’t the same because I wasn’t moving away, but earlier this year a colleague I worked with contract was coming to an end and he was leaving to go to another job and I would not see him again. We had really hit it off in the few months he was there.

As this approached I realised I was getting excited to go to work to see him but feeling upset when I got home the closer it got to him leaving.

We said goodbye on his last day and I was so torn, I didn’t have any idea if he liked me back so didn’t say anything but felt terrible. I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

He popped back to the office a week later for some minor reason or the other, on a day he knew my other colleagues weren’t around, and I just had this feeling he was struggling to say goodbye to me or trying to suss me out, so later that night I plucked up the courage to tell him I liked him by text (with some Dutch courage).

This was 6 months ago, and we are very happily in a great relationship.

But I am a lot older than you and I also agree with other posters I am not sure at your age this would be a good decision right now. You should take the new opportunity to take the job and go live your life before settling down and giving up an opportunity like this for a man. It doesn’t have to mean you stay for the rest of your life in Australia, it’s 6 months. You could let him know you are open to future possibilities when you leave and see how he responds.

You're getting some very strange, complicated advice here.

There's no either/or and no need to rush into anything.

Australia isn't the moon. It's not even strange to this man! He's lived there himself and with family in the southern hemisphere he's likely comfortable with long-haul flights.

You like him. No idea yet whether he's a potential partner, but you two get along brilliantly and he's likely to be a solid friend to you at least.

(The people telling you he's not interested clearly haven't read through the whole thread.)

If I were you, I'd go out with him as planned. Talk to him! Tell him you're excited about the job but also a bit anxious. You'll miss people at home, including him.

You can easily keep in touch: luckily, the Internet exists. Most importantly, you're both only 28, there will be lots of job changes ahead. If the two of you decide you want to pursue a relationship, you'll eventually have to figure out a way to be in the same place, but that's eminently possible. If you don't: well, a good friend is a treasure.

(To give you an idea of my own background: I've always jumped on interesting opportunities in distant places, and never once regretted it. I have solid, long-term friendships from my previous jobs. And the person who's now my husband moved from Australia to be with me.)

I’d go to Australia for definite. You’re never going to get that opportunity again in life. It will be easier to tell him when you’ve gone & no longer work together. He may visit. You may live your lives over there together. Keep us posted.x

Tell him, nothing to lose, I did and we’ve been married for years now. I did leave the company as it would have been weird otherwise. I remember those ‘are these or aren’t these dates?’ feelings. We now admit they were definitely dates. I hope it works out for you. You can still go to Australia too obviously if it’s a great and short term opportunity.

Go to Australia. You’re young. If you are meant to be with him, it’ll all work out how it should.

Ooh tricky and only you can choose BUT I'd explain and tell him everything, perhaps he feels the same way but won't make the first mpove as you've got this fb job offer?

PLEASE keep us posted xxx

Life is too short. Seriously. Just ask him on a date.

(my DP is a kiwi who lived in Australia, and he took a punt on me. He’s awesome and I am so happy to have him in my life.)

Does he know you've been offered a job in Oz? You could always say something like "I'm going to really miss you believe it or not" then he will have an idea as to your potential feelings and will have a chance to reciprocate or alternatively say something to encourage you to go.

I would keep it as a friendship.
Ask him of he will keep in touch or like to holiday in Australia if it all works out with the job.
Most Uk women find Aussie males more easy going and relaxed so who knows who you may meet.