Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

This is the best way to know how he feels. His reaction to you saying you are going to Australia will give you the message. Whereabouts in Oz is the job ?

Ok look things are progressing with him anyway. Have a lovely evening at the theatre and give him a peck on the cheek at the end of the evening, at least.

Then the next time you talk you say that especially because of the working together situation, it's important that you and he should clarify with each other where your friendship / relationship is going. Tell him you value his friendship, you'd actually like to be more than friends, if he doesn't feel the same way it's better for you to know this sooner rather than later. Or, don't take that script at all, write your own. But do it. You do it!

And don't bring Australia into that conversation, it complicates things.

I would, fairly quickly, meet outside of work. Conversation " Tgeoretically Ben, have you ever really fancied any of your work colleagues?' You seem worried about going to Australia anyway so perhaps pass on this for now.

Does he know about Australia. Even if he likes you, he might out of courtesy not say how he feels for fear of upsetting your plans. So be careful.how you present things to him.

Go out, get drunk, shag him, get on a plane and then work it out from there... if it's meant to be you can make it work if not at least you got a shag!

I'd ask him out for a drink and say there is something you want to ask him about. See if he looks cornered (in which case he has spotted you are keen but isn't himself) or enthusiastic (good sign). Tell him about the job offer and see how he reacts. Tell him you are in two minds about it and value his opinion. See if the possibility of you being on the other side of the world prompts him to show his feelings.

Tell him, not in a a way of I won’t go to Australia if you like me but just generally, you like him, he’s appearing to like you. Would you rather spend the next few months wondering what if and over analysing any meet up/ interaction or just tell him you are developing feeling for him and seee where it goes. He’s likely put off by you laughing off a date so prob sitting at home wondering the same! Be brave, only one life, don’t be regretful !
I had someone like this in my life years ago, I wasn’t brave and he died unexpectedly and I never knew from him what his feelings were, a mutual friend told me he was interested at his funeral and was building up to ask me out etc . Morbid but was glad I knew but regretted those few months could have been much more love filled and he would have known how I had felt. So take the risk!

Go to Australia.

If he were truly interested, he would have made the necessary moves. Never chase a man.

You are going to the theatre with him. Of course it's a date. Tell him about Australia which will lead to a very intense final fling type scenario which will be lots of fun. I think you should go to Australia and then you can see how it goes. The initial contract is only 6 months. Tell him how you feel.

In your OP you asked if you might have 'misread' him, but obviously you haven't if he has already asked you out.

Sounds like limerance/ a crush really. Go to Australia.

OP, he's your boss and in a position of power, so it really wouldn't be on for him to make a move on you. Plus, you've made it clear in the past that you're 'just friends'. I think he likes you too - no bloke that I know would spend so much time with someone they didn't fancy - and HE ALREADY ASKED YOU OUT FGS! Just be brave - you don't have to profess your undying love for him - just tell him you like him or say how much you enjoy spending time with him or something and see what he says - but I reckon he fancies you too. As for Australia - well god knows! But if you're not jumping at the chance maybe you don't really want to go anyway?

Go to australia. It is great oppirtunity .
Tell him you off to Oz and if he would like to take a holiday there you be happy to see him and show him round.or you could meet thailand . Asia singapore...
It s only 12 monhs.
If something is there he will go out to see you ir arrange to meet in asia and you take it from there.
If he is not interested he will not bother
You are still young no need to change ypur plans and commit to someone who may or may not be intetested

He has already asked her out.

'he asked me out on a date a few months ago. I stupidly thought he was joking and laughingly turned it down.'

Why not ask him for some advice and if you can meet up for a drink…, then tell him about the job and say you’d appreciate his advice as you’re in two minds whether to go. Don’t say it’s because of him! Because it’s really not - you’re in two minds and likely using him as a reason for being in doubt. Once you tell him you’ll know his feelings…

Go to Australia. Stay in touch with him as friends. Maybe you’ll love it there, maybe even meet someone else and end up staying. Even if you don’t meet someone else your feelings for this guy may change anyway.

If you don’t like it in Australia, or just decide you prefer the UK, or you decide you can’t let this guy go then you can just come home after 6 months, and if you find you do still have feelings for him you can then tell him. 6 months is nothing, I honestly thought you meant you’d been offered a permanent role and it was a stay here forever or move to Australia forever type situation. For a 6 month contract it would be a no brainer for me, I’d be packing my bags.

Jesus woman, just tell him already! Sounds like you both like each other but both too scared to say anything!

Life is too short!

Me and my ex were together 10 years. We were at college yigether but it took us a whole year to actually get together as a vouple So these things do happen..

I wouldn't give up an opportunity to go to Australia for a crush, a man you don't really know that well. You could decide to stay back for him and then he dumps you or cheats on you, or you discover it's just not a great match a couple of months later. So many relationships fizzle out or end some other way in the first few months.

You could tell him how you feel, potentially have some fun, still go to Australia and see how you feel after six months there though. Maybe you'll love what you have out there when more, maybe you'll miss what you left behind here.

I would try to take the crush totally out of the equation and figure out whether the Australia opportunity is something you want to pursue or not. I don't see any reason why you can't give both a try, so long as you're open and honest with him.

I've read too many romance books over the summer.

But my head is saying DON'T LET LOVE LIMIT YOUR OPPORTUNITIES!

My two options:

1. get everything in motion for Australia, tell him a few weeks before you go. There's a chance for either a face to face "sorry I'm not that into you but I wish you well on your travels" or a face to face "really? I love you too" and a mad passionate fortnight then you leave and either the connection fizzles while you're away or the pull is too strong and he comes out to Oz for a month and you plan your lives wherever or you make it work long distance for a year so at least you've had that experience of living and working abroad, maybe he comes and visits, maybe it's all letters and video calls.
2. go to Australia without telling him. confess all from the other side of the world like a coward and depending on how its received "oh my God eww, haha, are you joking" gets an "oh how embarrassing! I was so drunk when I sent that, yeah I fancied you but I'm having such an amazing time down under, I'm fighting off the hot men with a stick" or "I wish I'd known, you're the one for me" gets a "let's go halvsies on a plane ticket, come visit me and we'll give it a go" or he ghosts you and it's his loss as you're living in bloody Australia and making the most of your one wild and precious life.

Asking him for his thoughts on the potential new job is an excellent suggestion. I’d do that.

Think it through. You know nothing about him as an intimate partner. What if he said he was interested, you give up Australia, date for a few months and realise you're not compatible. Then what? You are in the same job with the awkward relationship that you were trying to avoid in the first place. And giving up a great opportunity for yourself too.

You could broach the topic gently . I woudn’t launch into “I love you “ just yet . How will you feel if he says he doesn’t feel the same way ? Agree with suggestions of asking him what he thinks of your plans to move

If you're potentially leaving the country, you have nothing to lose. Tell him!

He'd come across as very self important if he asked her not to go because of him though. That would put me off to be honest.