Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

Tell him AND go to Australia!

When your 6 months there is coming up for a review you'll have a better idea what you want to do long term.

Look on the job and the work colleague situation as two very separate things. Take the job- whatever he says. And tell him as soon as possible how you feel- assuming you are happy for you to have to move jobs if you return to the UK.

Do that...tell him NOW! Australia decision can wait. Love is everything and everything is love.
I lost the love of my life because I didn't tell him and he was afraid of rejection.

One Australia
Lots of men in the world
Go

WTF??? Wait! Stop! Don't listen to the naysayers. If there is the slightest chance that this is a potential love-of -your-life situation, you HAVE to make your feelings known. It's by far the ONLY way to settle your mind.
It doesn't have to be awkward and it doesn't have to be embarrassing for either party. (And as for the person who said you'd be making a fool of yourself, that's not even a consideration.) We have one life. What's wrong with doing foolish stuff occasionally? Have we become so obsessed with what other people think?
Look, you don't have to bare your soul like some TV drama.
It is VERY, VERY SIMPLE.
Tell him the truth. Go for a drink. Explain your (perfectly natural) fears at this life change. Tell him there are things you will miss. And tell him that he is the thing you will miss the most.
Tell him that you have developed feelings and that you would understand if he didn't feel similarly. (Because you would understand.).
That way you will know for sure.
If it's not to be, you might FEEL a bit foolish but at least you can walk away from it.
I went to work this morning with toothpaste on my face and I didn't know anything about it until I arrived at work. I felt foolish and I have to face the same people on my commute tomorrow!
Just do it!

Take the job. Give yourself two years, to settle in. I'm sure there will be loads of people cmg over to visit you.
It's a sliding doors moment. I don't think you should say anything, if you feel the need, just say "is there a connection between us?"
Take it from there.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

Really? Like a 13 year old would do?!

Just be brave and tell him. You’ll never know otherwise. Life is too short. Oh and if he asked you for a date, surely it’s quite likely he will reciprocate…

Please tell him. He already asked you out. I love happy ever after stories.

Tell him how you feel, if ihe doesn’t feel the same head for Australia. You’ll spend your life wondering about what could have been. You have nothing to lose - go for it and best of luck 💖

You definitely have to tell him!

He sounds selfless. Like, he's telling you that because he doesn't want to hold you back, but at the same time he's encouraging you to speak up about your feelings, by being indirect regarding 'doubts'. He asked you out on a date and now next week you will go to the theater. Perhaps wear something drop-dead gorgeous? Something which will make him see stars and encourage him to also say what he feels.

If it turns out the feelings are not reciprocated (which I feel they will be! And also have my fingers crossed for you!) - Then you have your Australia answer.

I'd love to know how this turns out. I hope it's a happy ending either way.

Can't advise about Australia but if you meet up regularly just the two of you then next time have some drinks which might help things along. Obviously not too much.

Two separate issues, don't conflate them.

No1: guy you fancy. What if he started dating someone else, how would you feel OP?

If you'd kick yourself for not saying something, bloody do it before he does start seeing someone!

No2: job in Oz. It's only 6 months, don't let a potential relationship make the decision for you. Is it a good career opportunity? If yes I'd take it. If your "boss" has family there maybe you could coordinate a visit from him, as a friend or otherwise!

Did you feel like this about him (this intensely) before the opportunity to move across the world came up? Or has the job offer altered how much you think you like him?

Are you subconsciously hoping he'll tell you not to go/ that you can blame him for you turning down a huge opportunity?

OP - if this guy is 'the one' then you will have to do far more embarrassing things in life in front of him than tell him how you feel.

If he isn't, then nothing has been lost. And if you don't take a risk, then it's just a crush.

You should go to Australia. It's easy to meet people when you're entirely new and only there for a fixed time. You would learn so much from it and it will change who you are - with lots of personal growth and adventures to bring to a life partnership.

Don't be ashamed of loving someone, and don't fear being honest about it to him. He sounds a good person and he won't think less of you for it, even if he doesn't feel the same way. And if he does feel the same way - then you have to start moving forward together. Don't keep treading water, waiting passively.

Well maybe I am weird but to me finding a relationship where you both love each other is worth more than anything else.

So I say, just tell him. Any way you can, it isnt going to make any difference if you do it well or not, by this point he already likes you or he doesnt. Nothing to lose, everything to gain

I would try and say something like this to him.

When you asked me to go on a date with you, I was so shocked and handled it really badly by laughing, but that is what I'd like to do, if the offer still stands.

That might be more low key than 'I don't want to go live in Australia because I think we might be soulmates'

Oh please just have a frank conversation about it! If it goes badly, leave. If it goes well, leave or stay - he can come with you. Don't miss the chance! (Spoken as a middle-aged woman as if she has nothing to lose!)

In my 20s I had three massive crushes. I made it clear to each of them. One didn't go anywhere, which burned at the time, but I'm glad that I had balls enough to find out.

I would stop and think about this opportunity in Australia. If you find someone there and marry and have children you are stuck until your children are grown! It's for life!

I think he’s a distraction and convenient opt out because you are understandably apprehensive about a big change.

If it’s a huge opportunity, it would be a shame not to take it. You don’t have to stay there forever.

Definitely tell him!!
He asked you out on a date for goodness sake! Of course he likes you.
It will be hard adjusting and settling in Oz. It will be much much harder if you're pining after him and wishing you hadn't left and wondering what if... I think it will make it impossible for you to be happy in Oz.

Tell him. I'd probably message him in advance of the theatre and say something like - so all this thinking about Australia has made me think about what i want in life. I wondered whether you might want to go to the theatre on a proper date? If you'd rather just go as friends I am up for that too. I really value our relationship and don't want to mess it up. But given you asked me out before I thought I'd give it a shot in case you feel the same.

If he's up for it I would take it slow and not press on Australia for now. If you have a month to decide you can wait a couple of weeks before discussing it with him. I also agree with others that six months is nothing- if you hate it it will be done swiftly. If you love it then it will be in your hands to decide whether to stay or not. You don't have to rush into anything. I would go.

How does he feel about the possibility of you going to Australia? This scenario is a good test of how he feels about you.

I completely agree! Life’s too short. If it’s meant to be it will be! Go for it your young and have the rest of your life! If he says no well then it’s his loss and you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Either way just tell him. It might just be the best thing you ever did.