Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT give up the opportunity of a life time for some guy. Please God, don't do it.

Here's the thing, if he really, REALLY liked you you would not be questioning whether he did or not. He would make his feelings known because he would want you off the market.

Do not give up everything for some guy like this, or any for that matter.

Why don’t you flirt with him, so it crosses the platonic line and see how that goes.. see what you get back! Then if he’s the same or things progress on your next catch ups you can make your feelings clear.. or just tell him you’ve been offered a job in AUS and see how he reacts!

Surely he would have made a move by now if you are both single and free.

He's her boss

This changes things in my view. He tested your response and you didn’t go for it. The ball is now very much in your court to make a move, if you want something to potentially happen. He is unlikely to try a second time in case he is rebuffed again.

I would agree as a Brit whose husband was brought up in NZ 😂

OP, do as a PP suggested and ask him for his thoughts on it. If he doesn’t take the hint, you might have to add that there’s someone here, but don’t know if they are interested romantically.

And?

When you go to the concert, tell him he looks nice when you first meet and see how he reacts.

if the moment arises and things go well, say, “are we on a date?” And smile. Check his reaction.

She hasn’t either

I was a similar age when I turned down a big opportunity in New York for someone I thought I was in love with...

It didn't work out haha. Wish I'd taken the job in NYC

You should speak to him so that you know where you are regarding that relationship, but you should also take the opportunity in Australia.

You are 28 - if not now, when?

When I was 25 I took a job overseas in a place where I knew nobody. I am also introverted and felt concerned I'd be lonely - but it worked out, I never regretted it and in fact met my DH there. It shaped the rest of my life.

You say you only have to sign up for 6 months in the first instance so you could choose to return and prioritise this relationship.

I think this is the best way to keep all options open

Life is short. Tell him, see what he says. Make a decision about Australia. You could still go for 6 months. What a great experience that would be. You don't have to emigrate forever. If he is madly in love with you and you want to be together, you will realistically be back in the UK by March. If he isn't interested, at least you will know. Then head off to Oz and enjoy the next chapter of your life. Good luck OP

In my experience men don't just hang out with someone for friendship! Maybe he thinks you friend zoned him. Take things up a notch when you see him next and literally feel things out!

@scaredaboutwork Take a tip from an old lady (me) and grab the fantastic opportunity in Australia whilst you're young. Things like that only happen once in your life, and that's if you're bloody lucky. Men are rarely worth throwing wonderful opportunities away for. I know to your young (and romantic) ears that sounds horribly cynical but honestly I think this would be a terrible waste of a new and exciting future for you. Don't deny yourself this amazing chance for the sake of a bloke.

That's cool. But they did still ended up being your ex.

I guess I shouldn't make assumptions about his level of interest.

But in my experience once you're an adult with experience you just jump in and shoot your shot.

However still go to Oz. What an amazing opportunity. I worked there for a year in my 20s and like you was worried about not knowing anyone. At 28 this is the perfect time to spread your wings.

The job is real and your future with him is currently imagined. I would take the job, what an amazing opportunity to see the world and meet new people.

Don't give up the chance of a lifetime for a 'maybe' on a man.

Most men are a disappointment anyway

There are thousands of men who will be compatible with you who are you are attracted to

Pick one or the other 😂

Sorry, I’m being no help to OP.

And now you tell us that he asked you out previously and declined!!!! That's a game changer.

I would wait until you are out socially with him (just the two of you) and tell him you have an opportunity of a job in OZ. Tell him that you realise there are a few things that hold you back from accepting it and one of those things is that someone asked you out a while back and you thought they were joking so said no, but the more you think about it the more you regret not exploring it further.

Have you told him about the job? I'd see his reaction to that and then make a decision to either tell him how you feel or accept the job or hopefully both!

Using my amazing powers of deduction I'd say he likes you (asked you out ffs!). So just woman-up and tell him you were wondering if he'd still be interested in that date? And when he says yes, say great, so you can kiss me after the theatre then. Boom. All sorted. How you ask him to move to Oz I'm not sure, but he's a kiwi so he has the right to work there ; )

He’s your boss which is an issue, but if you leave he won’t be. So accept the Oz job and see what happens. It’s only 6 months and you can come back if you both want to get together.

Part of your crush maybe because you are in an anxiety quandry about accepting the Australia job. How long is the job for? Is it a year, 2 years or indefinitely? You must have had your reasons for applying for this job, so focus on those and look forward to it. At your leaving do, you can tell him how much you'll miss him and ask to keep in touch. Once you are there, confess your feelings and see how he responds. If it is mutual, you have a chance to get together on your return.

You only have to read mumsnet for five minutes to know there are no men lovely enough to be worth giving up this job for