So disappointed with ds GCSEs

[Gigabell]

He got mostly 4s, a couple of 3s and one 5. He was predicted 6s and 7s.

This isn't the first time he has not performed as well as expected- we had the same issue with the 11+. He seems to be perfectly capable until the exam.

It makes me feel like a failure for not pushing him more, but I feel like I do push him. We had so many arguments over the last couple of years about refusing to revise or barely putting any effort in. It frustrates me so much. He refused to attend revision sessions before the exams, and if we suggested things to help revise he wouldn't listen. Dh and I did very well in our own GCSEs many years ago without any of the support or help we have provided ds so it feels like a kick in the teeth. We failed and got it wrong somehow and somewhere.

He has always been like this though - he just won't be told and now he is sad. And I feel terrible. All his plans are up in the air while we wait to see where he can go next.

We have given him so many opportunities - all the extra curricular I wished I had had a chance to do but never did (tailored to him and his likes of course), music lessons, sports, trips and visits, a house full of books and every other resource we can provide. But it all means nothing, he barely puts any effort in and it feels like he just doesn't care.

And then, all the school's words about "if it doesn't work out there are options..." turn out to mean nothing because when I asked what next they basically just shrugged and said he doesn't meet the requirements, there is nothing we can do.

I am of course venting here to avoid damaging him by saying something hurtful and harming our relationship.

Yep, I’m quite angry at the school. I pointed out he had to legally stay in education till he’s 18 and I didn’t know what to do, where do I go for advice etc, they just repeated that there wasn’t a place as he didn’t meet the requirements and we would need to sort out an alternative post 16 provider for him.
I’ve been reeling all day. I’m so angry that they can just wash their hands. Their legal duty is to report where they’re going, not to help them find a suitable placement.
anyway, one of the courses he’s applied for he didn’t know existed and this evening he’s said that maybe it’s all for the best and he would have applied for this course had he known it existed. I’m just hoping beyond hope that he gets in.

Have a look at L3 courses - BTECs, T Levels, various diplomas.

Mine is very severely dyslexic and ADHD and struggled massively with GCSEs and exam burden and pretty much got every GCSE grade available.

Now doing a L3 Extended Diploma - got straight distinctions in every module in Y1 and now has equivalent of BB at A level, and if she pulls it off next year will have equivalent of 3 A stars. Only universities that won't consider her qualification for entry is Oxbridge which she wouldn't be suited to anyway.

There are several students on her course who got straight 8s and 9s at GCSE but didn't want A levels. They're different rather than lesser qualifications and rather more like real work life than A levels.

The structure is so much better suited to her way of working, and it means she has to work consistently all year - no dossing and then revising like crazy.

I think when your children don't achieve in line with your own expectations and achievements it can be a shock and there's also a sense of grief. With DD we knew quite early on that academics would be a huge challenge and had to deal with the fact we wouldn't be showing her round DH's Oxford college etc. But her route and choices are actually just as interesting and fun... and we had a nice weekend in Oxford anyway! But admitting your disappointment to yourself is understandable.

That’s what I have done with my DD all the way through her studies, she does the hard work and I proofread. No compromise!

The apprenticeship sounds good, let’s be hopeful. Keep up the momentum though.

My DD got roughly the same in her GCSEs. It was a while ago. I was disappointed, but she did the foundation course because she failed Maths. She is 33 now, has two degrees, a master’s and has started her own business. Good luck!

Are there potentially any unmet learning needs OP, that could make exams particularly hard for him, or anxiety etc.

If not, and it really is he just couldn't be arsed unfortunately he has had to learn the hard way that in learning, you really do have to put in effort to get the outcomes you want.

This applies at all levels of ability! (I have 2 SEND kids, one with an EHCP who was only sble to sit 1 GCSE this year instead of all, before anyone comes at me.) I dont mean "if you just try harder you'll get amazing results" but if you dont try at all, its rarely likely that you'll reach your potential.

That said, unidentified and unsupported needs/specific learning difficulties eg dyslexia, dyscalculia, adhd, anxiety etc can all impact on attainment.

You’ve tried. If he didn’t care or make an effort then he will have to boost them up at a later date himself if he wants to. Can he do the course next year or sit a couple in November.

No one will really ask what grades he got long term. It doesn’t define you. He obviously didn’t get on with pressure.

He did better than many I expect.

I would say celebrate what he did get.
He’ll probably regret it at a later date won’t he. It’s a learning curve. But he has time on his side &
things will just slot into place.

The results aren’t the be all and end all.

He had the opportunity but chose this result for himself. Don’t be angry or disappointed. It is what it is. Perhaps he shut down with nerves on the day my mind used to go blank but I still did ok in the end. They have more opportunities nowadays.

4’s are still a pass. Think of the positives.

It's never too late! He can take them again. Or do something vocational, or an apprenticeship. I did my degree at 34 and had a career. Don't worry about it!

Sounds great. What course specifically?

She studies music - where BTEC/RSL/UAL are much more aligned with contemporary music than A Level which is much more classically focused.

But while looking at colleges I was amazed at some of the courses that are on offer (I am not musical at all) and that I would have quite fancied doing... computer games design, animation, film making, creative media production. Masses of interesting options.

I know there are also ones for healthcare, sports, sciences etc.

It's not an easy option - DD's course you can't afford to mess up individual assignments without it affecting your grade, but there is no exam so it's all about sustained effort rather than something going pear shaped on the day.

I completely understand how you are feeling OP. And your need to vent hear rather than share it with your DS.

All I will add to all the advice you've had is this. At the moment, you have one issue to solve - where he continues his education in September. That is not to belittle the problem, but that is your priority of course. BUT you will find something and once that is done, these resutls won't really matter any more.

I am not trying to be dismissive - just reminding you that two things will come of this:

He will end up somewhere that suits him better than sixth form (where he may well have been half arsed about his A Levels)

He will feel sufficiently kicked up the arse to finally understand you 'get' what you 'deserve'

Both of these are good outcomes.

Tomorrow - with a clear head - start methodically looking at every resource you can and see if you can find three or four things for him to apply for. It WILL work out.

4 are passes, perfectly adequate for most college courses or a levels. My children went on to get good degrees in subjects that interested them with similar results.

My son didn’t do as well as expected in his GSCE’s so couldn’t do his A level
options. He instead went to college and did an extended diploma and came out with a distinction which got him into his chosen university and course. He’s now in retail management. So I’d suggest speaking to your local colleague and see what his options are. My son found the diploma route suited his learning style far more than A levels. He resat his English and did level 2 functional skills and got the highest mark in his colleague year group. The other option is look at apprenticeships.