Should OW apologise to the wife?

[owch]

If you are a woman whose husband has cheated on her, would you ever want / welcome an apology from the OW? Assuming the OW didn't end up with your husband.

YABU - Don't contact her. Don't open old wounds. It's self-serving.

YANBU - Say sorry. She deserves an apology and for you to acknowledge the harm you caused.

Utterly disagree. If I was to knowingly shag a married man I would absolutely consider myself to be doing harm. Both to the wife and to myself.

No because the OW didnt cheat and would be insignificant to me.

No. You were a grown adult who decided to kick her in the teeth and you want to apologise? Just back off and learn a lesson

Sounds selfish to me, OP are you wanting the consensus to be that an apology is owed just so your conscience can be cleared?? Sounds like you are/were the OW!

If I was the wife and the OW had the audacity to think that she could come & clear her conscience by apologising I can assure you that by the time I was done no man would ever look at her again.

The problem is always the husband who went and had the affair but if the OW then decides to step to the wife then she fully deserves what’s coming!

It really is that simple.

Honestly? No. You never made vows to be loyal to her, he did. The task of saying "no" was his.

Why do you want to apologise now, when the marriage has ended, years later? Why not before?

She wasn’t sorry when she was with the wife’s husband though was she? Only sorry now it didn’t work out!

I’m sorry, Op but I don’t think it’s a good idea if you’re talking about apologising under the circumstances you describe. If you had been unaware (or perhaps told that their relationship was over but they still lived together and you had been naive enough to believe it) then maybe, but if you were fully aware and now you’re sorry then, no, it won’t help her to hear your apology and comes across like it would only be really for your own benefit to ease your guilty conscience. If you’re truly sorry, just try to forgive yourself and move on.

As a Catholic we are taught to forgive those who trespass against us. I would be willing to hear you out. If I felt the apology was sincere, I would accept it. I would choose to forgive you for myself so I didn't carry bitterness and ultimately as I hope that I will be forgiven for all my wrongdoings in the eyes of God.

This FFS!

I am sick with the MN obsessive focus on this cartoon creation of an evil OW.

It’s the cheating husbands who suck. It’s them and only them who are responsible for their faithfulness. If you must obsess over sucky twattery,obsess over theirs’.

Let sleeping dogs lie. No, it’s a bad idea unless it was an immediate response. Not point in apologising afterwards when time has passed. A decade has passed.
Live with the consequences and bad feelings or deal with them in therapy.
I wouldn’t want to hear from you for any reason.

It would make me want to throttle her (assuming I didn't want to already).

It would sound insincere and condescending, and like a massive humiliating fuck you 'hi, I just wanted to remind you that your husband shagged me...'

There's no way that would land well, assuming it was genuine, which I'd be assuming that it wasnt!

The OW in my life is no longer with my EX.
However, she has within the last 2 yrs started stalking me on social media. This is 10 yrs after we split up. I have moved on - have a good relationship with my EX and have a new partner. I do not give a shit about her or her life, or her reasons but have no clue why she is now stalking me - she is screwed in the head.

If you didn't apologise the very second that you found out he was married - and then end the relationship immediately - you don't have any right to apologise afterwards.

Nah, as a Catholic I’d let her enjoy her penance for her actions. I’d forgive myself for being with the ex.

I've just read all your posts now OP. To me you sound genuinely remorseful. Whether you reach out to the wife or not I think it's okay to forgive yourself. You made a bad choice (people do!) but I believe you have learnt from it and wouldn't do it again. Best wishes to you.

I think this is one of them situations were an apology is pointless. The damage is done. It wasn't an accident. It would feel like the OW was either trying to ease her own guilt or looking for some drama.

I think the best thing the OW could do to show remorse is to keep TF away from the person who was cheated on. Find out you're going to be colleagues? Change jobs. Discover you have a mutual friend and you've both been invited to the same function? Send your apologies. She outs you as cheating scum to people who know you? Acknowledge you were a terrible person and it's something you regret but that the wife did nothing wrong mm. But ONLY to the people who she told, she doesn't ever need to see your face again.

Leave her alone. You've done enough damage, she's not there to ease your guilt.

Probably because she can't form normal relationships (hence the cheating) and is obsessed with women who can.

No I don’t think it would make me feel any better. Much nicer to think she was a raging bitch than feel like yet more people were hurt by my husband.

But she isn’t though. It’s her character. Her moral compass is set at zero. She has no empathy or conscience. If she wanted to apologise it would always be because it benefits her in some way. These women are incapable of showing any sympathy as they’re generally narcissists.

My ex husband of twenty years cheated. He eventually married the OW, who he claimed he met after we split, but I knew otherwise. Why would I want an apology from her? Seriously? She’s irrelevant. She didn’t break our marriage vows, he did. The blame lies squarely on him. I actually feel nothing for her but pity. I got free, she got him.

Honestly, no. The damage is done and she wasn't exactly sorry in the moment. Would feel like she just wants to unburden herself.

The OW didn't take marriage vows.
The now EX DH did.

The only one to be sorry is the EX.

Doubtful he will be.

It's fine saying "Well, she knew he was married"...

HE knew he was married.