Worried about managing six weeks with two young children alone

[Warmthofthesun]

I know it’s a few weeks away still but I am approaching this summer with a sense of real trepidation. I have a five year old and a just turned three yesterday old and while they are generally pleasant enough and easy enough individually, together they do seem to set one another off and become hyped up and silly.

Sleep has been a big issue of late too with the younger one waking any time from 430 onwards. I can sometimes persuade her to go back to bed for a while but she doesn’t sleep, so while she hasn’t napped in the day for a few months she often needs a power nap now. Then depending on when this is late bedtimes. So the days already feel absolutely endless!

DH is very unwell so it’s all on me and I’m really anxious about it if I’m honest. I’m already dreading weekends but can get through as it’s two days, but six weeks may see me sectioned!

So with the play dates if you find others plans impractical, invite with a plan. We would like to go to this place, does date/date/date work for you? Its really hard when you've not had success before but worth trying again afew times to avoid the isolation. The class whats app is a good place to start you might find someone you havent connected with yet.

Do the kids do any hobbies if so maybe mums from those groups are worth a shout?

The week away sounds good. We do caravan parks at the moment because the kids absolutely love the range of activities and it takes the mental load off of me a bit. Swimming each day and disco dancing every night makes for better sleeps too, I too have early risers.

@CharityShopMensGlasses in most cases people just don’t want to. Like I say I am fairly resigned to it being me and children for most of the summer, and I need to plan for that.

When my boy woke up early I got into bed with him and he usually went back to sleep. Not ideal in the long run but sleep is sleep.

We’ve covered this 😂

@Warmthofthesun I dont get it buy maybe its just a very antisocial mums group 😅 but yep if you've accepted that its just you and the smalls then I guess its a case of finding any thing that make it feel less relentless and hard.

If you're a sahm and it's mostly going to be you and the kids to consider, then I suggest lowering your standards, about entertainment and structure.
You can have a feral goblin summer where you sleep when you need and do what you all need to do to get through it.
Bedtimes and wake up times can be more free without school.

Take the pressure off yourself wherever you can.

You're missing the point of the Gro Clock,it's not to make her go back to sleep it's to show her what time is acceptable to get up and until then she needs to stay in bed quietly and look at a book. She's 3,she's old enough to learn not to walk everyone up.

She only wakes me up.

I don’t think I’m the one missing the point to be honest. I’ve said a few times now she will sometimes go back to bed for a bit but there’s a limit to how long this can be enforced for and no two or three year will lie there for up to three hours; they just won’t.

Perhaps the point to you is to teach her who is boss or whatever but the point to me is that it puts the day into a bit of chaos as she can’t get through without a sleep which is hard to manage.

Yes that’s exactly it so you set for no more than 30 mins after they typically wake then once they’re achieving that, reward them and creep it forward gradually over time in 15 minute increments. I think they do work really well so long as you’re realistic about what they can achieve. As you say they’re not going to get a child that wakes at 5am to sleep through until 7 in one night but in a week you might have them sleeping until 5.15 and playing quietly until 5.30… And then it’ll probably take the best part of month to get them to 6am. I had an early riser and we got there but it was a long old slog! I also understand you’re to a certain extent fire fighting right now so understandably may not be able to tackle it fully and power through a forced nap drop which would also need to happen to get her sleeping later. I wouldn’t dismiss the groclock entirely but maybe something to put a pin in and revisit once you’ve survived the summer!

If we could move away from the Gro clock that would be good.

Why can’t your Dh do something with them and give you a break?

I am also seriously unwell, unwell enough that I can’t work and I pretty much need a daily nap (have advanced cancer). It doesn’t mean I’m incapacitated though!

Dh does a lot, but I still take them on solo days out, I do all the school runs, I do the taxiing, I’ve had them for days to up to 2 weeks at a time while Dh has been away with friends. Even if all he can do is sit on the sofa and shove them in front of the tv for an afternoon, you should still be getting a break.

I am sorry to hear about your cancer. I guess all cancers are different and there is still a lot that is uncertain.

OP - I see you say you’d given noticed on her nursery place before DH was ill. Could you contact the nursery and explain the circumstances and see if they are able to accommodate her (any hours) just to give her a nicer summer and your DH a bit more rest. They might have something available.

I found when my eldest was school age and the other was still at nursery I had some lovely, easier days with just him and it felt special to have the time together.

I will ask on Monday I think!

I think everyone just knows that sleep deprivation is horrendous and if she was back in a routine, you’d probably feel it was all more manageable.
DS2 (6) kept waking in the night recently and wanting our bed and once we knew it wasn’t illness or nightmares we had to give a cuddle and then keep taking him back to bed (and lost my shit and shouted at one point - I had work and we not got decent sleep for ages). I just don’t cope without sleep.

I know but I also know Gro Clocks aren’t a miracle. I would just prefer everyone not to fixate on that one issue (I’m not trying to have a go, it just does happen on here and ten pages later everyone is bickering about Gro Clocks and the question goes unanswered!)

You need to build a community.

Do the kids have friends? Have you met anyone at groups etc with kids same age?

A day at a farm park is infinitely more tolerable when there’s more families together.

My husband was very ill when my kids were yours ages. I get it’s hard. Getting out and about with other mums was the only way I coped. Find single parents or mums with husbands who work long hours, play too much golf / cricket etc and have the same long hours to fill.

People don’t want to know @MJagain . I’ve tried but while occasionally someone might join you on a day out it is occasional. I think most people have their own stuff going on.

Disagree on this.
You can’t isolate your kids forever , even if your husbands illness makes some things impractical.
Focus on what IS practical / possible now, then build from there.

For example if your youngest can’t ride a bike yet, you can spend a good few days getting some practice in. And then the reward for YOU is you have a free activity for them when they can both ride round the park.

I think occasionally is ok for some people.
But yeah you need to keep going to find the ones who need it as much as you do.
don’t give up though

They aren’t isolated, but I can’t really force people to come on days out with us! 😂

If you could do anything with your time, what would you do?

Varied really. I’m not totally sure where this is going which is why I’m being a bit guarded! 😅

Do you have a school WhatsApp group for your eldest?
Could you be a bit honest on there and say your DH is ill and you’re with the kids all summer and would love it if anyone else fancies meeting up for a play in the park or a day out somewhere.

I think if others knew your situation they’d probably make more effort.
The park is so much more fun and less demanding for me if there’s someone there for them to play with.

I think it would just awkwardly be ignored!

I will obviously try but you can’t force people and it will be a one off in six weeks - leaves a lot of time!