Worried about managing six weeks with two young children alone

[Warmthofthesun]

I know it’s a few weeks away still but I am approaching this summer with a sense of real trepidation. I have a five year old and a just turned three yesterday old and while they are generally pleasant enough and easy enough individually, together they do seem to set one another off and become hyped up and silly.

Sleep has been a big issue of late too with the younger one waking any time from 430 onwards. I can sometimes persuade her to go back to bed for a while but she doesn’t sleep, so while she hasn’t napped in the day for a few months she often needs a power nap now. Then depending on when this is late bedtimes. So the days already feel absolutely endless!

DH is very unwell so it’s all on me and I’m really anxious about it if I’m honest. I’m already dreading weekends but can get through as it’s two days, but six weeks may see me sectioned!

2 children; 3 and 5 are hardly that hard work especially at home where they have their own rooms/toys/garden.

Totally confused by women who having had more than 1 child suddenly struggle to care for them on their own as if its an anomaly that they have to do this on their own while their husband/partner is at work.

OP, have you considered local holiday clubs? I know they cost an arm and a leg but there’s plenty of football, arts and crafts, LEGO,
dance, etc where you can drop off the eldest. You don’t have to do every single week, you can do every other week or a few days here and there to give yourself a rest. It’s easier with one when you’re already shattered.

They mean the sun on the gro clock. Not the actual sun!

The op has said they need to be out of the house as much as possible - presumably because of her DH’s illness. That changes things a lot, as you said “especially at home”.

Maybe some aren’t! I can assure you mine definitely are.

The gro clock thing is by the by; I can encourage her to stay in her bedroom but I can’t stop her waking up when she wakes up and it throws the day into chaos.

Thanks, I would do but ds hated it when he went and I’d feel really mean sending him.

I personally don't think this is doable without help, and without it severely affecting your wellbeing OP.

You shouldn’t need to have to keep entertaining your children at the ages they are. They should be able to entertain themselves for quite long periods, especially the older one.
Have they got eg a dressing up box? Or a box of random Lego bits?
Do they have things they can play with in the garden by themselves? Particularly messy play type stuff?

Is there somewhere in thr house or garden they can make a den for themselves?

Don’t try and organise a full timetable of activities. Trying to keep dc entertained backfires badly, and will wear you out.

What you need is a routine. Something like colouring and papercrafts every morning, out to the garden with them for a couple of hours (while you do chores and get dinner ready), then swimming in the late afternoons and home for tea, story time and bed.

Dull as ditchwater. It suits dc really well and is something that our generation has forgotten how to do. The first week they’ll keep looking to you for encouragement and ideas, but then they’ll settle down and get creative.

If you entertain them, then once they’ve filled up their dopamine receptors, everything feels dull and boring (similar to how hard it is to get in with chores when you start the day playing on a phone). Keep the level of stimulation low. Go 1980s - a book of make-and-do crafts, a compendium of board games and if you absolutely must use a screen, a single dvd of a Disney classic.

He can on his own up to a point but it depends what you mean by quite long periods. The issue is more with two of them, some dispute will start over something and then you get noise and tears and wailing, exacerbated by tiredness of course.

I know before anyone tells me that MN children play quietly and settle disputes amicably but that’s not my world at the moment.

And it is important to try to be out a fair bit because DH is seriously unwell and so while they are just being normal children they are wanting to talk to / climb on daddy. And let him rest,

So - it’s going to be challenging! I’ve asked if any of his friends are using holiday clubs but I don’t think many if any are.

Maybe the activity just wasn’t for him? He’s older now, ask the school mums where their kids are going - if he has his friends there it’ll be a lot more appealing to him.

Definitely look into what is going on locally. And remember if it is an hour drive away, that's 2 hours filled 😉

Going somewhere on public transport can also fill significant amounts of time (unless you're in a city).

Well I struggled with just one, and with two. But we survived. And we weren't coping with a seriously ill Dad/husband at the same time.

Sympathy op. I had two high maintenance kids too and the summer holidays were tough, especially with all of their toddler groups closed down and friends away.

Plan ahead if you can, don't expect too much of yourself and keep posting for sympathy/ solidarity. Some folks here will understand,even if you are otherwise surrounded by organized supermums with supportive partners/ families/ friends.

I would have 2 things planned for each day. You don't have to do it, but having a plan can help. Maybe your 5 year old can help you choose tomorrow's activities:

Den building in local woods
Swimming
Library and reading
Pizza making at home - to supermarket first to choose ingredients, if they enjoy that
Bus ride to a different park
Early morning bus rides so that you can get the front seat upstairs on the bus
Feeding ducks/picnic at the river
Buy beach bat n ball sets (£7.99 amszon) and bubbles for 'tennis in the park'
Trip to local charity shop with a budget - eg £1 - to choose something.
Age appropriate jigsaws.
Wrap up some mini prizes - eg small plastic animal/ pack of haribos - in wrapping paper to present for great achievements eg finishing a jigsaw - to make it more exciting
Art morning - print off colouring sheets to do at the library. Take paper n paints to the park and paint a picture of a tree
Craft morning. Trip to The Works to choose stuff or buy stuff from Baker Ross
Home cooking - make or decorate fairy cakes/biscuits
Check out local splash parks
Check out local museums for activity days
Check out local churches for holiday clubs/ activities

Best of luck! You've got this.

Oh, and nature tick lists too - 5 birds to spot, 5 different leaves, 5 butterflies. Off for a walk and first one to 5 gets a prize.

Do you still have a push chair? Will your 3 year old conk out in that if they have been up since silly o'clock, leaving you and your 5 year old to relax with a drink and a good book//?

The fact that your DH isn’t well, and is in the house makes this much harder. Can you pay an older teen/uni student to take them out for a couple of hours every day? A daily walk/trip to the park would tire them out and give you a rest.

@Firetreev yeah some will definitely take under an hour for the organised bit but my kids have also gone off on tangents, like once the soft toys were down one would send him down the stairs on a slide. I always felt that once I’d started the play then they carried on with it for a couple of hours but that might not be the same for all kids I guess!

Plus, to be honest it isn’t really stuff to do I need. I’m quite good at organising and finding activities for them. But it is a grind, there’s no other way to put it, and back to back for six weeks is a long time especially when combined with poor sleep and general fatigue and low mood in the house.

Even things like going swimming are more difficult with two as a lot of places won’t even let you in solo. And if I set something up in the house yes they’ll play for a while but it’s not like I can go for a lie down or read a book or anything relaxing: it’s up and down, down and up, where’s my drink, she’s taken my toy, I need a wee wee …!

Can you plan something for when they go to bed? Nice takeouts you like, wine, chocolate, whatever is your thing so you have something to look forward to?

Maybe book a couple of nights somewhere with them so you can have a little holiday or can dh not be left in the house?

Otherwise I guess you’ll just have to suck it up and count down the days! It’s shit, I’ve had summer holidays like that wishing the time away but sometimes it’s just hard!

Any friends that might be in similar positions? Might be good to meet up even if it’s to commiserate while the children cause chaos.

Have you tried bringing them into the room with you? My almost three year old wanders in at 5am and he used to be really awake and chatty and say he wanted to go down for breakfast but I just kept being really strict, saying it’s still sleep time and shushing him… now he’ll come in, cuddle up and go back to sleep until 7. Makes a massive difference to his moods and my sleep!

There's no denying it's a tough gig. Could you offer reciprocal care with a friend? What support do you have to have a rest for yourself?

Does he do any after school activities? They often do holiday clubs and workshops. Also find out where his school friends are going. I only send my dd to holidays clubs where her friends are going and her activity ones as I know she’ll enjoy them.

Like a PP, when my 2 were that age I was on maternity leave with number 3 so it was hard to balance keeping them entertained while balancing my energy levels. My 2nd was also an insanely early riser.
I know you say that they argue/bicker/are silly together etc but… well so what? Sometimes you just have to leave them to it! As long as it’s not getting physical then let them bicker; siblings bickering is actually an important stage in learning conflict resolution. You might just have to learn to tune it out a bit.
One thing I did at that age was make a packed lunch every morning, so that we could just go out whenever we fancied and take the lunch along with us, without having to worry about timings etc. If we were at home at lunchtime they just ate it in the garden or on a blanket in the living room.
It is fairly relentless at that age. It’s part and parcel of having kids!

Holiday clubs where I live take from 2 years old. So it might be worth looking at the options again. They don’t advertise which makes them hard to find. Unlike the sports based ones

I was a single parent when mine were that age, I used to pay a 14 year old neighbor a fiver an hour to play with them whilst I rested upstairs for a couple of hours. So you’re still responsible but you can just go read a book or something.

obvs a part time nanny would be better but that is ££££