Worried about managing six weeks with two young children alone

[Warmthofthesun]

I know it’s a few weeks away still but I am approaching this summer with a sense of real trepidation. I have a five year old and a just turned three yesterday old and while they are generally pleasant enough and easy enough individually, together they do seem to set one another off and become hyped up and silly.

Sleep has been a big issue of late too with the younger one waking any time from 430 onwards. I can sometimes persuade her to go back to bed for a while but she doesn’t sleep, so while she hasn’t napped in the day for a few months she often needs a power nap now. Then depending on when this is late bedtimes. So the days already feel absolutely endless!

DH is very unwell so it’s all on me and I’m really anxious about it if I’m honest. I’m already dreading weekends but can get through as it’s two days, but six weeks may see me sectioned!

Get a groclock and make it clear to the 3 year old that they can’t get out of bed until the sun is up.

Find local things to do that get you out of the house… even if it’s just going to the library for story time or crafts. Having a plan and getting ready the night before makes it easier.

Does your five year old have any school friends with a younger sibling? Maybe arrange some play dates with them, perhaps at a nearby park. This gets you out of the house and may help to separate your children as they’ll have someone their own age to play with

Well, you can make it clear to them but short of locking her in her room there’s not much I can do if she chooses to ignore it! But that isn’t really the point; even if she does stay in bed (and sometimes she will for a while but realistically no three year old will lie there for two hours) she’s still overtired and it throws the days routine majorly off piste. And it’s then a looooong day.

I’m fairly good at getting up them out and about but it’s the sheer relentlessness of it, seven days a week from potentially 430 until around 9 with both of them which is when they are most exhausting and overwhelming.

You are thinking too much as a whole so break it down, plan it week by week and then you only have a small section to go through.

Find activities that will get you out of the house and tire them out, plan things they can play alone to get some rest and make sure you use screen time to your advantage (possibly look into getting Disney plus for the summer if not already, as putting on a film for the witching 5-7 hour is great!)

If you have the money then most schools or clubs run a holiday club so the 5 year old could attend, alternatively you could get an intensive swimming course or something they go to each day.

If money is more of an issue then you will have to get creative but the churches near us have loads of activities for next to nothing!

A general week could be as follows
Monday AM - Local Parks and a picnic lunch
Monday PM - Craft activities, more structured if you wanted like a set or painting the letter of their name and sticking stickers on etc

Tuesday AM - Making a den/shop in the house/garden
Tuesday PM - Make a cinema sign, design popcorn boxes and then have a movie afternoon with homemade popcorn

Wednesday AM - PJ morning play with their toys
Wednesday PM - play date at the park with another family, or splash pad if you have one near

Thursday AM - soft play
Thursday PM - get soft toys down to set up a tea party. Encourage menus with stickers

Friday AM - Go swimming or paddling pool out, use brushes to paint the fence with water
Friday PM - designing digestive biscuits with icing, sweets and chocolate buttons. Eat watching bluey

then you can do the weekend easy and there’s only 5 weeks left!

You can plan days to town, see if there’s any woods or trails nearby, go on a bigger outing on the train or visiting family. Planning stuff is the way to go

Yes solidarity to you as I'd probably be daunted too.

I find parenting a a group easier so can you plan any playdates or days out with another parent even if it's low key like to the park?

Do you have any money to spend, even £7.50 a day.

These are some lovely ideas. But in reality some of them don't fill lots of time. For example Thursday pm - tea party - that would occupy my three year old for about forty minutes max. What are they doing for the other five hours? Again, you've suggested some lovely ideas, please don't take my criticism too harshly. As a SAHM, I just find some suggestions you find really online really don't fill much time at all.

It sounds like things would be a lot easier if you were getting more sleep. I would focus on that over the next 3 weeks and perhaps speak to a sleep consultant if you can afford to. I really rate ‘Just Chill Baby Sleep’ who have online courses which are great. I have children of a similar age and the 3 year old sleeps roughly 7:15pm - 6:45am. I stuck black paper inside her windows to keep the light out all summer.

As for the summer holidays, could you look at what’s available locally and make a weekly/daily routine? Will you be working at all? I generally like to prep everything the night before (clothes, water bottles, packed lunches if needed) so it’s easier to get up and out. So a typical day might look like:

6:30 - Up, dressed, breakfast
9:30 - Leave house for activity (check out the library, museums National Trust properties etc)
12 - home for lunch / picnic out
1-2pm - quiet time at home (power nap if needed)
2-4 - out again to meet friends at the park or go for an ice cream
4pm - home for TV time, dinner, bed
7:30 - you prep for next day and chill until bedtime

I would try to keep the same hours as the DC during this period. So you go to bed thirty minutes after they do.

Everything is easier to manage if you’re well rested. Good luck

When my eldest 2 were that age I was on mat leave with the next!
A lot of garden time helped, with a cheap sandpit and a water tray, plus footballs etc, or an obstacle course I’d time them doing.
I’d walk to shops etc rather than drive to wear them out a bit. If they seemed overtired I’d drive somewhere: they were guaranteed to fall asleep in the car so I’d take my book and have a break!
Museums locally were free, and often had activities. Playgrounds took up loads of time too. A cafe was a good, cheapish treat for us all.
Den building in woods entertained them well and needed minimal input from me.
Disney films bought me time to cook dinner. Long baths with glow sticks in and curtains drawn are fun too, with lots of bath toys.
i agree that crafts are over quickly, so other than junk modelling with recycling, drawing or playdoh these were occasional things for us!

Make your own pizza or ice cream sundae help make lunch an activity too

I think this is the issue. It’s similar with crafts; it takes about five minutes of the day but you can be clearing up for an hour! Plus I do have to minimise time spent in the house really because of DH.

What have you got going on locally? When my son was that age we had

• a local museum did a weekly kids craft hour and had a fun kids area (free)
• 2 Children's centres with stay and play sessions once a week (free)
• bouncy sessions (bouncy castle type stuff) at the local leisure centre (not free, but only a couple of quid per child)
• a couple of local soft plays (not free, but worth it a couple of times each)
• story time at a local library (free)
• swimming (not free)
• a local farm with very small entrance fee (£1 kid £2 adults)
• a big park with a lake for ducks and ice creams
• a trampoline park with toddler sessions which your older child could go to until he is 6. (£!0 - £5 per child & free adult)
• a garden centre with a big outdoor play area (water, sand, climbing, roleplay) and a soft play - about a £5 per kid, plus a walk through the animal sales area.

Plus lots of things at home - craft, baking. roleplay, water play....

Thanks. It isn’t so much as to what to do I suppose, I’m probably explaining it badly. It’s just how bloody exhausting and lonely it’s going to be from the very early hours of the morning to at least eight o clock at night every single day with no respite at all! I know that sounds a bit miserable and I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself!

I'd look at any holiday clubs the 5 year old could go to, even if only a couple of hours. I think you can use the tax free childcare for them.
Can you club together with other parents to take turns to have each others kids? Kids from the 5 year olds class? Does the 3 year old not go to nursery?
Do a film late afternoon every day to fill that difficult time of day.

I get it! Any mum friends or relatives you could visit or stay with? Or even just an elderly neighbour.

Will dc3 sleep if you bring her into bed with you at 4.30am? Mine would usually drift off if they felt us close by.

Best buy for the kids was a “perfect fit” blackout blind

My best summer games were always tent in the garden; den in the lounge made of sheets pegged over chairs - mum would let us sleep in it sometimes.

You shouldn’t be “filling” every single minute of your 3 year olds time. They need to be allowed to develop their own ideas for play and if they can’t do that, you need to encourage it asap. In fact it’s part of the Early Years curriculum targets that a 3 year old should be-able to spend time thinking of their own activities, and not being directed by an adult.

So they have a tea party, that could lead them to deciding to get their teddies/dolls, deciding they want to go off with a teapot to water the garden, washing up the tea set in a bowl, packing the tea set up in one of their bags and going off in a picnic etc etc etc.
This could them to wondering off and playing with outside toys etc etc etc.

When they’re at nursery and even YR the teachers won’t be planning to fill every single second of your child’s day and it should be the same at home.

I get it, the days can feel very long with small children who can’t really entertain themselves and need you fairly close to them directing their activities. You don’t get to stop and think, minimal adult company and constantly thinking of the next thing. Your DH being unwell is an added stress and it can feel overwhelming.

Knowing all the things you can do with them is great, but they all still need you to do it, to plan and manage. I remember feeling very daunted heading into the long summer break especially given everything else still needs to happen - housework, meal times, laundry.

One thing I did pretty religiously is have quiet time in the afternoon. So after lunch, I’d quieten down the house, put on a Disney movie and everyone tucked up on the sofa with a blanket. It gave the kids time to stop, and just chill for a while. I could get a cup of tea and sit down. It took a bit of managing for them to understand it was down time but it paid dividends once they got it. Mine are teens now and still love an afternoon movie, though Moana doesn’t quite cut it now.

my heart goes out to you having to do this on your own. And as your Dh is ill it must be very worrying for you and your dc. They will be picking up on what’s going on and unfortunately that can lead to not always the best behaviour from them.

Are there friends you can meet up with? My dh was a farmer when my dds were young and he was never around in the holidays. The only thing that kept me sane was meeting up with other adults with children the same age.

Thanks. I think this is it; the organisation and managing every day for six weeks is a lot, especially with both of them, as they are very full on when together.

Ds hated holiday club when he went; it was only for a morning and he really didn’t enjoy it so I’d feel really mean sending him without having to. And dd is too young of course. We’ll see friends sometimes but a lot of people will be away.

Thanks. I think this is it; the organisation and managing every day for six weeks is a lot, especially with both of them, as they are very full on when together.

Ds hated holiday club when he went; it was only for a morning and he really didn’t enjoy it so I’d feel really mean sending him without having to. And dd is too young of course. We’ll see friends sometimes but a lot of people will be away.

If you’re not on a super tight budget look into some holiday clubs. You’ll have the full range of options for the 5YO and if you’re somewhere urban they may even be options for the 3YO (we’re in London and off the top of my head I know 2 locally that take potty trained 3YOs).

Get a gro clock. They do work but with some caveats. A child that is trying to get up at 4:30 is never going to stay in bed until 7. Set it for 5am. Between 4:30 and 5 take them back to bed as many times as is necessary. Have some picture books near their bed and turn a blind eye if they’re not actually sleeping. The point is to be quiet in bed until it goes green. If they do manage it then give an immediate reward- chocolate weetabix with cartoons sealed the deal for my early riser 🤣 Then once you have them consistently staying in bed until 5 you move it forward until 5:15 and so on creeping it forward in 15 minute increments until you reach whatever time you’re ultimately aiming for.

And set a routine and get out daily. It doesn’t have to be anything OTT. We would often do playground for an hour, cafe for a pastry and juice, back via M&S because they have those mini trolleys the kids love to buy stuff for lunch, get home and have lunch, quiet time after where they watch a movie then it’s only a couple of hours to fill with activities before dinner.

Re the holiday club- can you post on your reception group chat and find out who from his class is doing what? He might be more enthusiastic if he could go with some mates. Or do you have Playball in your area? It’s only a short day but they do take 3YOs for camp so they could go together.

I never filled every day with things, mainly due to cost and my energy.

I was going to ask what your home set up is like, I was going to suggest making sure there were plenty of things to do at home, for example we made sure our garden was set up with trampolines, slide, playhouse a box of outdoor toys they could access when ever they wanted. But I see you need them out of the house.

i would just randomly take my DCs places, we could kill a couple of hours in Smyths with them looking at toys and trying scooters etc. I’d take them to the supermarket let them pick snacks ( sausage rolls, mini sausages, yogurts etc) and say right let’s go to the park and have a picnic then let them play for as long as they wanted, no rushing home and keep them topped up with the snacks they wanted, take them for an ice pop or ice cream after. Take them to different parks, message parents you know and say we are going to be here at x time if any one fancies it. One of my DDs class groups dose this every holidays.

im one of those bad parents who not only allows my children to get bored and occupy themselves but I also let them take their tablets or other devices to bed when they woke up early. My oldest loved turning on our portable dvd player and watch her favourite barbie movie on repeat for hours, middle one was all about Whisper, Bo on the go and tele tubbies, my youngest anything really. I also let them draw and colour in bed until it was time to get up without caring if they got ink on the sheets, bedding can be washed or replaced.

im the same with mess, it can be cleared when they are in bed, if they want to take every cushion and blanket I own to make a den then fine do it, mine would spend hours in their dens and would leave them up for days my almost 9yo still dose this. I’d let them have lunch and even tea in them to keep them quiet and happy during the holidays. Same with giant cardboard boxs, it’s amazing how many hours they can fill sitting inside a giant cardboard box, especially if you give them free rein to decorate them. Alternatively get them the cardboard playsets from hobby craft, give them one each to decorate and play with their favourite toys in.

all rules and routine go out the window during the holidays, mainly to keep me stress free.

I only have 1 3YO and Im dreading it so I can imagine it’s really daunting

I have a white board and write different activities on it ( my DS doesn’t sleep much either and when I’m exhausted and can’t think it’s easier to pick something) for example

dance party
playdough
sticker book
banana flapjack
etc.

i also make loads for dinner so we have leftovers for lunch so I’m not having to make lunch as well

and if you have no family support a good babysitter is priceless, if you can find someone who will come for a couple of hours on an afternoon so you can rest

I also have a few empty baskets for all the crap that accumulates and makes the house untidy, so if I CBA I throw everything in there to put away another day

also outdoors / garden is best if weather permits or film and ice cream inside of not

good luck

the sunrise was at 4.42 am this morning & its getting light earlier than that