Worried about managing six weeks with two young children alone

[Warmthofthesun]

I know it’s a few weeks away still but I am approaching this summer with a sense of real trepidation. I have a five year old and a just turned three yesterday old and while they are generally pleasant enough and easy enough individually, together they do seem to set one another off and become hyped up and silly.

Sleep has been a big issue of late too with the younger one waking any time from 430 onwards. I can sometimes persuade her to go back to bed for a while but she doesn’t sleep, so while she hasn’t napped in the day for a few months she often needs a power nap now. Then depending on when this is late bedtimes. So the days already feel absolutely endless!

DH is very unwell so it’s all on me and I’m really anxious about it if I’m honest. I’m already dreading weekends but can get through as it’s two days, but six weeks may see me sectioned!

Thanks. I just wish I felt more enthused about it but it’s definitely going to be an endurance test. I really hate screaming and crying and so on; I wish I could be a parent who shrugs it off but I’m just not.

I mean, neither am I. I hate it. I still hate it when they bicker and they’re 12, 10 and 7! I’m not sure many people just shrug it off. But there is no ‘idea’ solution to this scenario, so it is going to be a case of managing it in the way that is most tolerable to you all.
I can honestly say I dreaded school holidays at that age, but I can also honestly say that they were never as bad as I feared. The first week was always the hardest.

OP I just wanted to say it’s totally reasonable and normal you’d be feeling anxious about the six weeks. I have twin toddlers and even without a very unwell DH it’s really hard and exhausting being the sole one in charge for days on end. so I just wanted to sympathise.

I also wanted to say that you shouldn’t feel bad if the solution is sending your older one to a club even if he is a bit resistant- you’ll be no good to them or your DH if you don’t get at least a bit of respite so please don’t feel guilty if that’s what you need to do. It might be a long shot but is there a childminder or even a babysitter that you could maybe use one or two days a week?

Ok. Take a few deep breaths 🤗

it's undoubtedly difficult, especially if you're worried about DH too, but you're winding yourself up into dreading it & imagining it will all be a nightmare.

the longer holiday is not like a succession of weekends bunged together. It has a different feel/rhythm.

i don't know if you're in the heatwave or not, but if you are, remember it won't be like this for the entire school holidays.

the mornings will gradually stay darker, linger, the birds jess chirpy so early.

the eldest may just have to get on with going to a holiday club if he can't stop arguing with his sister.

can the youngest still do their nursery/pre school days? Or is it shut? Any childminders with random gaps while regulars are on holiday?

many of us had to put up with holiday care we didn't want to, we survived.

is DH up to reading/playing a quiet game/watching tv with your eldest??

take up any offers (or ask for help) for both or one of them at any time. Make it very clear that any help, even with just taking 1 of them would be massively appreciated.

sometimes we don't see someone struggling so don't think to ask, but would be happy to help if we were.

do you know any young teenagers you could pay to come & help? Not to keave them to babysit alone, but come read/pkay, go swimming with you? I used to do that when u was 12/13.

@FWC2026 i am say outside and am perfectly calm … I promise I’m not wound up into any sort of state.

I have been looking into some things I could access but costs are high which tbh I don’t mind if it’s enjoyable for them but if it isn’t I do feel mean!

Mine are 5 and almost 2 and I understand. I felt the same with one to be honest! I think it’s not unusual to feel like this- you are not alone. Keeping a routine , clubs , activities and having a few things hidden up your sleeve that the kids don’t know about like cheap toys/crafts/bubbles etc really help on the days that don’t go to plan or where you are particularly tired or stressed. You can pull them out and it can change up the situation. Also friends or other school mums with kids . Arrange a park meet up on the pre school or school WhatsApp if you have available . Even if you aren’t super friends with the other parents there will likely be others in a similar boat desperate to amuse /tire out their kids and you can sit /chase your children round .

Having two young ones on your own for 6 weeks is a hard long slog, with some lovely moments too but I doesn’t change the fact it’s exhausting. I would ignore pp saying they should be amusing themselves for long periods at that age, it’s just bollocks.
I wouldn’t feel mean about sending the older one to the odd club, you need the break and he might end up enjoying it. Has he got a friend he could go with? Always makes these things easier.

Some children find it hard to entertain themselves. My younger child is much better at it than the older one.

@Warmthofthesun is there any support you can access in relation to your DH’s illness? It sounds very tough on you. Do you need to care for him too?

Not really as he can look after himself to a point; he can’t do any parenting though. It’s harder having him here as we do have to be mindful about noise and trying to let him rest. Before this he was often away for days at a time and it’s fine but it’s different when someone’s there but unable to help you. (Saying that as I’ve re read that comment over the page about women who can’t cope without their DH; I can and do, the point here is more coping with him as awful as that probably sounds!)

I’m dreading it too. I adore my kids, I really do, but they both have special needs and need to be constantly watched and it’s exhausting. I also don’t drive so we’re extremely limited as to what we can do. I’ve already admitted defeat and hired a respite carer as family support for the summer. She’s happy to help me take them for a walk or watch them whilst I sit rocking in a dark room! Roll on September

Just to say that I only had one, very straightforward child, and I still found the 6 weeks a grind. I think you are very much more than allowed to feel that. I cried when I realised I’d miscounted the Inset days and they werent going back for an extra two days.

Decamping to my mother’s (2.5 hours away at the time, so needed to be a weekend) was sometimes an option, and at least a change of scene (she had excellent cows to look at a 5 min walk away, and a very quiet cul de sac suitable for tricycle practice) but it wasn’t as relaxing as all that.

Could your Dh sometimes go to his parents at all? It’s very difficult when you can’t be noisy at home and you’re worried about him/looking after him too - we had this. Failing this, could he invest in noise cancelling headphones?

Another vote for essentially going to bed all at the same time (them quite a bit later, you a bit earlier). And for throwing any money you have at the issue. We had almost none at this time but we managed the odd swimming trip etc.

The process is the thing though. Splashing in the paddling pool may be 15 minutes. Filling the paddling pool with buckets takes well over an hour and is very educational.

If your children have certain temperaments, 6 weeks is a very long time when it’s looming over you. I’d suggest trying to break it down to think of a week at a time and maybe have a weekly routine, so every Monday you go to the library, say. Then when you’ve done the library in the first week, you can say “only 5 more library trips til we’re back in routine” 🤣 I’ve had phases where I’ve really struggled with my kids and had to almost take it hour by hour. When they were 6-7 and 2-3 was definitely the hardest phase so similar to yours. Mine also have additional needs so entertaining themselves was one battle but keeping themselves safe whilst alone was another entirely!

I definitely agree with a PP that trying to get your youngest into a few extra sessions at nursery seems a good idea. Having the kids 1:1 for short periods feels like a break when you usually have 2 at a time 🥴 Are any of your eldest’s clubs running any intensive courses? So he’d know the coaches/leaders already and feel a bit happier than the last time he tried it? My kids’ swimming lessons offer a week of intensive lessons which would give you 45 mins to take one child to the park while the other is entertained? It’s not much but it breaks up the long days.

Maybe try to break up the day into sections just for yourself to feel a bit more sane? If you can make it into 10 sections you can get yourself through the day by thinking, “right that’s another 10% closer to bedtime…” 🤣
If they aren’t really into tv, leaving a toy set up in the living room for them to come down to helps my kids. Like a few cups and saucers and a couple of teddies sat round a tea towel posing as a picnic blanket, nothing elaborate needed.
Pre-breakfast: Play with what you’ve left out or tv
Breakfast
Garden
Make fruit skewers for snack
Snack and screens
Meet friends at the park
Lunch
Lego/stories
Snack
Playdough
One or both ‘help’ make dinner (age 3 I’d just give mine a kiddy knife and the stalk of the broccoli or an old, softening carrot to chop - it doesn’t need to actually go into the dish 😂)
Then dinner, bath and bed

Not all crafts have to be majorly messy, but if you’re talking paints/slime/baking - do them in the garden! With a tablecloth if you’ve nice garden furniture. But it can all just be hosed down then. If you have to stay inside, mine love having a glue stick, some scissors and a magazine or toy catalogue to make pictures. They quite like sweeping the offcuts with a dustpan and brush after, too so minimal clean up for you.

I know it might seem harsh when your husband is unwell but if he’s ok to be alone then it might help if he were able to stay elsewhere for the day once or twice a week. A relative’s house who doesn’t work from home? Or instead of paying for camps could you pay for your husband to rest in a hotel instead so you can stay in the house with their toys but aren’t disturbing him. It’s lovely to be out and about but exhausting and you need some down time in the house too.

Mine are 10 and 5 now and it is easier. Still tough but at least I’m not battling naps and nappies anymore! 😰 In a couple of years it will feel different. I’m sure you’ll be fine, could just be the anticipation making you worry.

ETA: Can someone give you an evening a week off? A couple of hours to go swimming alone, or pop over on their lunch hour twice a week so you can read a book in the car with a cuppa for 20 mins even?! Otherwise it really is going to take it out of you. You need to make sure you get some kind of break.

OP does your youngest go to school preschool, or private nursery?

The summers that my youngest was 3 and 4 I actually UPPED their nursery hours so my eldest could have a bit of 1:1 with me and I had a less frantic day. Even just one short day a week of a bit of childcare would help I think if you can stretch to it.

I'm sorry your DH is so poorly. It must all feel on your shoulders right now and of course that's daunting. Have you spoken to people about it in RL? Do you have any support?

Wow 🤔😬

I love the summer holidays with the kids but I run it almost like a nursery and split my day into sections!
No one is allowed up before 7 - I appreciate you can’t really regulate that with a three year old though.
My kids have to have their device time first thing in the morning- devices aren’t an option for the main bulk of the day so it’s a case of use it or lose it. So in the morning they bring their devices into my bed and we have a lazy morning. If I feel really guilty about that I read a book in front of them!
Then by the time we have breakfast and get dressed a good chunk of the morning has passed and then I usually have an activity in mind for the afternoon.
Money is quite tight for us so I make a rule that we only do one paid for activity a week, the rest is parks and libraries usually.
Then every day at the same time usually around half 4, we tidy up and then I let the kids watch a movie or something while I make tea.
That routine works for us because I love having a lie in when I’m not at work. It might not work for you but you’ll find your own rhythm that suits your family.

I really recognise this feeling, and I only have one child and a husband who (most nights at least) is home to help with bedtime routine and any leftovers jobs etc. This sounds like a really difficult situation for you all.

I tend to enjoy holiday days much more in the moment, once we get there so my advice would be not to overthink it, which is very ironic given that I'm a massive overthinker myself! The middle weeks especially, as you get into it, will fly by.

I do agree you could do with some time to yourself, either sometimes during the week or evenings/weekends. Don't be afraid to ask. I think people forget how unnatural it is (especially historically) for humans to intensely parent without other adult input.

Best of luck. Xx

OP, I’m a teacher who has her 3 DC every holiday break during the school year. This summer they will be ages 8, 4, and 2, and it’s going to be more work than my actual teaching job!

I take a different approach than others on here, and we keep it super routine and structured. Early morning walk with the pram( 2-year old is up by 5am most days so I feel you there) walk to get bread, breakfast, playground for a few hours, then home for lunch. Afternoon screen time while 2-year old naps. I hit a wall at 3pm and we usually leave the house again to walk around the block or go to another playground until DH is home at around 5pm.

I pre-make all the snacks for the day in containers in the fridge and once they are gone we don’t get anymore. I still meal prep dinner even though I’m not working becuase I’m so exhausted by 5pm.

Not much advice, just solidarity from me. I keep reminding myself that this summer will be the hardest with their ages, and it will only get easier from here on in.

Good luck!!

I totally get what you mean by ‘the grind’. It’s unrelenting!

Is there something you can look forward to for yourself each day? It sounds ridiculous, but my afternoon can of Coke Zero/cup of tea while the older ones watch a film and toddler naps is the BEST moment of my day! Haha. It’s so tempting to do chores or laundry or something during this time, but I fight this urge. It’s only 20 mins but it’s a much needed calm in the storm.

I also wear my headphones a lot while prepping dinner etc. and listen to an audio book or podcast. Could you do that, even for 30 mins in your day to make it more exciting? I appreciate that you can’t be cut off from all sound then house for super long periods with a 3-year old.

I am hoping next summer and four and six will be a lot easier but then I thought that last summer too 😂 obviously didn’t have DH unwell then.

@TheScreen before I knew about DH I gave notice to her current nursery and she starts preschool in September 🤦🏼‍♀️ if I’d known I’d have kept her there for two days a week at least during August but it’s pointless thinking like that; I didn’t I guess is all there is to it!

I would revisit holiday or activity clubs for the 5yo, or look at getting a babysitter who can do something with them for a couple of hours once a week, if that works financially.
It’s extra tough having to be out a lot.

I wonder if anyone has already given them notice of holidays over August and they could let your youngest do a few ad hoc days where there’s a space? I know they’ve probably given her consistent space away already but surely there’ll be a few absences or extra times where they’ll still be in ratio where you could drop her in for half a day even? It is worth an ask. Unless she’s already left in which you would have to re-register I suppose. But I bet you could get that sorted in time for when the schools break up?

I have two young kids (2 and 4). I agree some of the activities suggested are nice but won't entertain them for long. I have spent hours researching what activities exist indoors and outdoors around us and I'm making use of that as much as possible these days!

My strategy when alone with them is to plan a day with 2 outings, morning and afternoon (one being an 'activity' where the focus is not on physical activity - could be zoo seeing animals, going to the shops, story time, museum..., the other being more of a physical activity - park/splash park/bike/scooter...); 30-40 mins of telly for the eldest during youngest's naptime (I end up napping); free play around the activities (too much free play leads to meltdowns in our house!); and if needed due to meltdowns 1 quick set-up sensory activity (play doh/kinetic sand/water play - NEVER PAINTING or any sort of messy play as the cost/benefit is negative 😂). We have never successfully spent a full day at home or even a day with a single outing - they just go mental!

I prepare bags/snacks/food the night before so that I can be hands on during the day as needed and actually find that it often means I find pockets of 10 minutes where I can chill a bit.

I find that colouring, stickers, crafts, are all short lived, so they are freely available but are not an activity per se.

Playdates, seeing family, adding a regular activity in the routine, finding a sitter for a short period of time so you can go out alone or crash in your bed for a bit, all make life easier, if those are options.

Would your 5-year old be old enough to do a summer bucket list of things that s/he wants to do, where you can tick things off as you go?

Good luck you'll manage it. Totally normal for this to be daunting. One day at a time xx

He probably would although he tends to like things that aren’t always very practical, like going to the sea - lovely but we’re as far inland as it’s possible to me in this country! I’m going to try to take them away myself for a week though, even though it will be exhausting a change is as good as a rest and all that!

Good advice was ‘go with the flow’ so rules are different during the summer. Whether that’s getting dressed later, eating junk food because you’re been out for the day, spending all day in the garden etc.

Another bit if advice is that you don’t have to ‘do things’ (that cost money).

Activities idea.

www.nationaltrust.org.uk/visit/50-things

I took mine to Butlins for a week on my own when they were 4 and 2. It sounds hideous but actually ir worked really well. Plenty for the kids to do, beach nearby…