Husband missed son’s performance after boozy weekend away with friends

[OrangeSlices998]

How would you handle this?

I am married and have 3 kids - DS6, DD4 & DS1. We live far from where my husband grew up so he still has lots of friends in and around London whereas we live in Scotland due to his job, so he doesn’t get to see them much. He flew down Saturday morning for a planned boozy day out, they do it every year and he missed last year because of having a little baby so he was keen to go this year and I had no issue.

Except that this weekend DS6 is performing when his dance class, he is SO excited! And so when DH realised it clashed he booked flights that would allow him to be back on time for Sunday afternoons performance. My mum and IL’s came up to see the show and all saw it last night, DH & I will see it today while the grandparents look after the little ones.

Well.

DH is currently passed out somewhere with his mates in SE London, I can see his location on find my friends and he’s at someone’s house. He missed his flight (it was at 0915) and hasn’t woken from his drunken stupor yet to see the barrage of texts and calls from me. He won’t make it back in time for the show now, I’ve told DS and he burst into tears. I’m so angry, I’m so hurt for DS and I’m embarrassed.

How would you handle this? I am fuming and when he eventually wakes up and rings me I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to say or how repair this as I feel really letdown.

What would you do?

There is genuinely nothing wrong with someone wanting to go on the piss with mates, ao no excusing needed.

And this is why ranting on here or venting even is fruitless.

OP glad he made it.

Where was his unacceptable parenting?

What a graceless reaction to someone rightly telling you that your comment was wrong

Didn't even do it rudely either! But that poster clearly has an axe to grind and this was where she wanted to wield it - regardless of whether she was right or wrong. That apparently is immaterial! Just someone wanting to rant regardless.

How did he get on the flight without his phone? I doubt he had a printed ticket with him so I'm dubious to how he made it.

I think you’re getting a really hard time here OP for literally no reason. I’d be just like you and mightily pissed off if my DH made a commitment to me or our DC and didn’t follow through, but thankfully alls well that ends well and well done for coming back with an update. Well done to your little lad too! Performances are so very special, especially good ones!!

To be fair these shows go on for many many years…As long as one of you there I reckon that’s fine.

It quite literally is the only evidence of safety we have babe.

I think so many posts on here are crazy.

Your husband said he'd be there for his son's show. As things were, you were entirely reasonable to be furious that (it looked like) he wouldn't make it. Getting drunk is absolutely shameful as a reason for missing your 6 yo's show.
Im very glad he did make it though OP.

Or maybe the son was crying because his mother was “so angry”, “so hurt” “fuming”. So much so that she sent a “barrage” of texts and calls to her husband’s unanswered phone.

Fair enough, the OP was upset, but there are more emotionally mature ways of dealing with it than texting/phoning incessantly and flying into a rage. It seems unlikely that she did all that then was measured when talking to her son.

Everyone is so tantrumy now, I don’t know what it achieves. Adults act like children themselves when they feel they’ve been wronged. Yes, the DH fucked up (or ddint actually, I have read the updates) but all of us will at some stage. When I’ve stuffed up I’m grateful that my own husband doesn’t storm and rage and project his frustration onto the kids.

Huh?

Anyone know what the original OP said before @OrangeSlices998 “Edited” it?

I agree with you.
The pressure was placed on everyone for the child and the child knew.
If you’ve 3 children you need to calm down, over the years they’ll be plenty more to be split evenly so the whole family don’t have to sit through every occasion.

Just click on the word "edited" and you can see the previous version. I haven't read it - People sometimes edit for typos though.

This is hilarious:

'but what isn't so lovely is the time and effort that MumsNetters put in whilst supporting you.'

OP posted in good faith when she assumed that her husband had missed his flight. Posting on Mumsnet is completely voluntary and if OP hadn't posted her thread, those same posters would probably have just been posting on other threads instead. You don't get some sort of refund if facts change or the OP doesn't show sufficient appreciation or gratitude for your posts/opinions.

I did ask at the time how the OP knew what had happened as she hadn't spoke to him but that post was ignored despite replying to others at the same time

I have tried but you cant with an OP it would seem

I have just read the first OP the OP posted before editing.

In the original she says He missed his flight (it was at 0915) and hasn’t woken from his drunken stupor but she removes this in the later one.

So basically lying in the orginal.

What a drama queen

Yeah pure guesswork. Hope she apologises for all the shitty messages and voicemails on his phone when mate sends it back

All's well that ends well!

My thoughts too.