Husband missed son’s performance after boozy weekend away with friends

[OrangeSlices998]

How would you handle this?

I am married and have 3 kids - DS6, DD4 & DS1. We live far from where my husband grew up so he still has lots of friends in and around London whereas we live in Scotland due to his job, so he doesn’t get to see them much. He flew down Saturday morning for a planned boozy day out, they do it every year and he missed last year because of having a little baby so he was keen to go this year and I had no issue.

Except that this weekend DS6 is performing when his dance class, he is SO excited! And so when DH realised it clashed he booked flights that would allow him to be back on time for Sunday afternoons performance. My mum and IL’s came up to see the show and all saw it last night, DH & I will see it today while the grandparents look after the little ones.

Well.

DH is currently passed out somewhere with his mates in SE London, I can see his location on find my friends and he’s at someone’s house. He missed his flight (it was at 0915) and hasn’t woken from his drunken stupor yet to see the barrage of texts and calls from me. He won’t make it back in time for the show now, I’ve told DS and he burst into tears. I’m so angry, I’m so hurt for DS and I’m embarrassed.

How would you handle this? I am fuming and when he eventually wakes up and rings me I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to say or how repair this as I feel really letdown.

What would you do?

Yes I often tell 6, 4 & 1 year olds about their Dads drunk wandering or the times he’s lost his phone or got on the wrong train

Wouldn’t put it past you!

Did DH alone make the (silly) plan to leave his trip away that early to try to get back for DC’s performance? Or did you ask him to?

If he has a binge drinking problem, on occasion or regularly, YABU for drip feeding.

Once he’s done this OP
Once!!
and you couldn’t even bring yourself to cover for your husband and not upset your son

Any play, recital, dance thing is just the worst part of parenting. End of term shows, assemblies are like torture. You go to so many by the time your children have grown. My kids are all grown and have no memory if I came or not.
He had the best intentions. I would just laugh. It’s hilarious. I’ve been married for 35 years and if you can’t laugh when things go wrong then what’s the point.

Oh I bloody loved them!

But not a chance I’d have been fuming about DH having a once every two year blow out and not making one show. And I sure as heck would have covered for him to my 6 year old DS

I think you’re overreacting. He doesn’t see his friends often, so it’s a rare outing by the sounds of it. He was naive to say he’d fly back on time.

P.s. Just saw your update that he made it.

But the bigger picture here is he hasn’t got in contact with his family after missing his flight even to say that he is ok.

That is wrong.

ENORMOUS UPDATE FOR ANYONE WHO CARES

So I hold my hands up, I was wrong. He lost his phone so his mate had it, hence he was showing as being there and not answering the phone. He got to the airport and made his flight! He is a bit worse for wear but he made it. I appreciate the effort as he is a bit hungover and tired.

To address some comments - I appreciate all the replies, and have taken some on board. Although I don’t think it’s my job to cover for DH (when he said to DS he’d be there!) I do appreciate we should have built in some contingency in case of delays or cancelled flights. So I take that on board.

Howgerr I truly don’t think expecting a parent to be where they say they’ll be is a bad thing. DS has a right to be upset because they were disappointed, I didn’t stoke this or wind him up or say much more than ‘Daddy had a problem with his flight’ or words to that affect, he was sad and then in the way 6 year olds do he was fine and played with his GPs. He was absolutely delighted to see his Dad when we got to the show.

DH has plenty of opportunities to see friends; we’ve lived here a while and he worked here before we moved here so he’s got plenty of friends. He’s not kept locked up at home, I’m not his keeper! My annoyance was at what I thought would happen did happen (albeit I was wrong!), I said multiple times it was risky and he wanted to be here to see DS. Like I said next time I’ll factor in the possibility of delays and be less committal about who is coming.

So there we go. Hungover husband made it to the show and DS did a brilliant performance and gave us a little wave at the end when he spotted us.

Some of these comments are wild. @OrangeSlices998 i am assuming the point of the thread is he letting your son down rather than missing the show. Ideally what should have happened was him say that’s the weekend I am away, so sorry DS but I won’t be able to come and watch but pictures will be taken and you can tell me all about it when I am home and then say to you privately - I’ll try and get back early. I would be pissed off that I had to explain to my child why there dad was missing the show instead of the child just being told he couldn’t make it in the first place!! Which is what should have happened

edited as I commented as your update come through. But my point still stands

I don't get MN sometimes.

DH innocently forgets a birthday and it's all LTB.
DH actively promised something to a CHILD then gets too drunk to deliver on it, and somehow the parent who did turn up is at fault.

As you rightly say, DH should've said all along he can't make it if he wanted to go on the night out instead of prioritising his son's activities. If it's a one off, that's a valid choice. Promising and not delivering in an entirely avoidable way however is unacceptable.

Glad he made it. He's still an arse for losing his phone.

The update is just wild. You didn’t call him?!?

I’d turn off notifications @OrangeSlices998 - nobody is going to read your latest update before giving their two-penneth! Glad he made it to the show - alls well that ends well.

If you read my update he made it to the show.

I didn’t throw him under the bus by saying ‘Daddy got drunk and fell asleep at his mates and is so hungover he missed his flight’ - but I did say he hadn’t made the flight. It’s fine if you disagree and think I should I have covered for him but I was annoyed and tired, I didn’t have the energy to do that too. He didn’t sob for hours, he was sad, he was comforted, he went for a walk with GPs and then did brilliantly.

I called him multiple times, his mate didn’t answer his phone.

She very clearly says she did call more than once and nobody answered.

Haha you’re right, I probably won’t come back to the thread after today but like to see a story get resolved so for anyone interested it has an ending!

You say he missed his flight? So no reference to being drunk and hungover etc? So you did cover for him really thank goodness

Forgot to add: he rang me once he landed and got to the car park, the attendant very kindly let him call me!

Great update, op. Yes, probably best to step away from the thread now 😂

Sorry your getting a kicking from the frothers making up their own stories to get indignant at. Glad he pulled it together and got there in time.

100% agree. This is the issue I have too. Seperated from my son’s dad and he’s promised him a holiday to Tenerife every year for the last 8 years and can barely have him on his set weekends. As parents we need to 100% accountable and only make promises we can keep x

Obviously it's highly unbelievable but when I read your first post I thought 'bet he has left his phone behind.'

My biggest concern was whether his boarding pass was on his phone as that could've been an expensive nightmare.