AIBU to say DSD can’t stay here anymore after joking half my house will be hers one day?

[BetLynchsEyes]

I’m probably too close to this so need honest opinions because DH thinks I’ve gone nuclear.

DH has a daughter from his first marriage. She’s 27. We’ve never had a terrible relationship but it’s never exactly been warm either. I’ve always felt like she sort of tolerates me rather than actually likes me, which is fine, she doesn’t have to love me, but I do expect basic respect.

Whenever she visits she stays with us. I clean the spare room, sort the bedding and towels, buy extra food, cook, make conversation, all of it. DH enjoys having her here but realistically I’m the one doing most of the hosting.

Anyway, last weekend she came to stay with her partner. We were having dinner and DH made some offhand comment about being lucky the mortgage was paid off. His daughter laughed and said “Well, don’t get too attached, half of it will be mine one day.” I honestly just froze. I know she’ll say it was only a joke but it didn’t feel like one. It felt really nasty.

I said, “That’s a horrible thing to say.” She immediately said I was taking it the wrong way and she was joking. I said, “You’re sat in my house, eating food I made, talking about it like you’re waiting to inherit it. How else am I supposed to take it!?”

Then it all kicked off a bit. She started crying and getting hysterical. She has form for doing this when she's been called out on horrible comments.

DH told me to leave it, which annoyed me even more becuase I feel like I’m ALWAYS expected to leave things. She got upset and said I’d never liked her. I said that wasn’t true, but I was sick of being polite while she makes digs and then acts all innocent.

Her partner looked mortified. She ended up crying even louder and they left earlier than planned. Now DH says I embarrassed her and made a stupid comment into a massive issue. He says she was clumsy, not malicious, and that saying she can’t stay again is way too harsh.

But I can’t get past it. Maybe it was “just a joke” but I don’t want to wash sheets, cook meals and play happy host for someone who apparently sees my home as her future inheritance.

I’ve said she can still visit her dad obviously, but I don’t want to wait on her hand and foot anymore and just put up with horrible digs.

AIBU or have I properly overreacted?

@Phonicshaskilledmeoff. Eww this made me cringe so bad. Points to my earlier post where folk in this frame of mind lack awareness and decency, self dignity too. Imagine chortling away to this tune, it will all be mine one day… being a big sponger is not a good example to set for children either. It’s clear from the responses, that there are hard workers versus those relying and expecting some easy cash. This might be an eye opening thread for the latter.

It's crass referring to presumed inheritance, not only in the company of the person from whom you imagine yourself inheriting, but anyone connected with the estate. Really poor taste. Our DParent died in the last year, and my DSis and I were appalled when her DBF began appraising the chattles within days of them passing. Gross and uncouth. In our family anyway.

Read ALL of OP's replies (there are only 12 and the 12 can be found on the link below) before posting. It's more than obvious that the SD is the selfish one. AIBU to say DSD can’t stay here anymore after joking half my house will be hers one day? | Mumsnet

OP has not said the daughter will get nothing, and in fact said that the daughter could be given her "share" of the house in cash. Reading comp is really bad on this thread. Just bc it's not 50% doesn't mean it's nothing, but that's up to her dad. Since her mom got the house the daughter should talk to her if she hasn't already.

Read ALL of OP's replies (there are only 12 and the 12 can be found on the link below, it only shows OP's replies) before posting, @Nothavingagoodvalentinesday . There is far more to it, and the SD has now admitted she meant it and she expected it to 'set her up for life' and is furious she won't get the house, and now wants her dad to divorce his wife so she can get something! AIBU to say DSD can’t stay here anymore after joking half my house will be hers one day? | Mumsnet

What planet does she live on if she thinks that she's entitled to half your house just because her dad married you? 😂
She certainly doesn't seem wise enough to be making any big decisions such as buying a house herself.

Well no, because her two kids are just that - hers. They also don’t treat her like shit.

Why shouldn’t OP have married? It’s not up to her to protect his daughter’s perceived financial interests. It’s up to him if he wants to leave her anything from his share. Maybe he won’t, but oh well. Inheritance is not something she entitled to.

I would imagine that OP is trying to be the bigger person who doesn't put her foot in her mouth in retaliation. There's been a fair few underhand digs from DSD that have been way below the belt but OP has taken them on the chin. Eventually the balloon was bound to go up because entitled little bitch comes asking for a deposit for a house. God forbid why DH said the mortgage was paid off - maybe he needs to explain that move.

In OP's situation I would have done exactly the same, and in doing so she told DSD exactly what she thought of her. DSD then spilled the beans and the baggage, it needed to happen.

Judging by some of the comments on this thread alone, there seems to be a lot of people out there who don't understand the difference between "marital assets" and "ownership". Maybe she's one of these people who thought her dad actually became co-owner of all OPs assets when he married her.

Well, I hope your DH writes this entitled, demanding madam out of his Will now.

Nothing less than she deserves. Spoilt brat who has been funded her whole life and well into adult hood by dear dad.

Imagine being 27yrs old, with a partner, and going begging to Daddy and his Evil but loaded Wife for a house deposit? How is she not embarrassed?! She's had several years to save for a deposit.

It would never have occurred to me to ask anyone to help me with a house deposit.

Had you given it to her, you'd never have seen a penny of it paid back, she'd have laughed it off as some of her future inheritance paid early.

She's a scummy gold digger, and if I were you, I'd not have her set foot in my house again.

Well done you for standing up to the nasty, selfish, entitled, demanding bitch.

ETA I really REALLY hope you live in a massive, house @BetLynchsEyes that's worth a bloody fortune 😂

God forbid why DH said the mortgage was paid off - maybe he needs to explain that move.

Makes sense from the perspective of him having no real assets and his DD asking for a house deposit. She asks and in response to her CF-ery he's half joking/half being sarcastic that he'd have to remortgage his share of the property to give her a house deposit. Which he presumably couldn't do if it already had a mortgage on it that he hadn't paid off yet.

If OP could re-write that scene & let DH respond instead, I wonder where that conversation would have gone. When the red mist comes down anything can happen - nuclear, why not.

It’s obvious you dislike and resent hosting her. I hope her Dad pulled her up about the comments she made at your Wedding - a day when she should have known if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything. That’s basic manners. I think you over reacted massively to her comment to her Dad about inheritance. Lots of kids make jokes like this. Your view does seem to be that as you own a large majority stake in the house this entitles you to veto her visits if you want to, and to be treated with respect you feel you deserve as she’s effectively there as your guest rather than as her Dad’s daughter in her Dad’s home. It’s probably only fair that her Dad tells her this.

What a horribly entitled little madam she is! I wouldn't have her back in your house ever.
Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

I would assume that without OP's money then her DH would have possibly had no hope of living in the luxury of an unmortgaged home at this point in his life and would be blowing all his income on rent and a bills supporting himself actually leading to LESS inheritance for the entitled madam. Definitely less house deposit money free for benefit her at the very, very least!

@LiveLuvLaugh Read ALL of OP's replies (there are only 12 and the 12 can be found on the link below, it only shows OP's replies) before posting. There is far more to it, and the SD has now admitted she meant it and she expected it to "set her up for life" and is furious she won't get the house, and now wants her dad to divorce his wife so she can get something! AIBU to say DSD can’t stay here anymore after joking half my house will be hers one day? | Mumsnet

Call the search off....DSD is here!

What a over reaction to a joke that is so often heard. Put your big girl pants on and apologise

@JustABean Read ALL of OP's replies (there are only 12 and the 12 can be found on the link below, it only shows OP's replies) before posting.

There is far more to it, and the SD has now admitted she meant it and she expected it to "set her up for life" and is furious she won't get the house, and now wants her dad to divorce his wife so she can get something!

AIBU to say DSD can’t stay here anymore after joking half my house will be hers one day? | Mumsnet

This situation was probably retrievable until the follow up statements the daughter put in writing (her text) in which she made it 100% clear where she was coming from....and it was not from an ill-timed, unfortunate joke, no harm intended place!

You MASSIVELY overreacted to a joke.

Agree!
DSD definitely sounds entitled. There is no guarantees that she will get an inheritance and she shouldn’t expect or rely on that.
Are you joint owners of the property or tenants in common? Do you know the difference? If not read up on it. Have you and your DH made a will?

I think you massively overreacted- she will inherit so was joking about. I don't even think she was being rude. You sound like you have issues around her