AIBU to say DSD can’t stay here anymore after joking half my house will be hers one day?

[BetLynchsEyes]

I’m probably too close to this so need honest opinions because DH thinks I’ve gone nuclear.

DH has a daughter from his first marriage. She’s 27. We’ve never had a terrible relationship but it’s never exactly been warm either. I’ve always felt like she sort of tolerates me rather than actually likes me, which is fine, she doesn’t have to love me, but I do expect basic respect.

Whenever she visits she stays with us. I clean the spare room, sort the bedding and towels, buy extra food, cook, make conversation, all of it. DH enjoys having her here but realistically I’m the one doing most of the hosting.

Anyway, last weekend she came to stay with her partner. We were having dinner and DH made some offhand comment about being lucky the mortgage was paid off. His daughter laughed and said “Well, don’t get too attached, half of it will be mine one day.” I honestly just froze. I know she’ll say it was only a joke but it didn’t feel like one. It felt really nasty.

I said, “That’s a horrible thing to say.” She immediately said I was taking it the wrong way and she was joking. I said, “You’re sat in my house, eating food I made, talking about it like you’re waiting to inherit it. How else am I supposed to take it!?”

Then it all kicked off a bit. She started crying and getting hysterical. She has form for doing this when she's been called out on horrible comments.

DH told me to leave it, which annoyed me even more becuase I feel like I’m ALWAYS expected to leave things. She got upset and said I’d never liked her. I said that wasn’t true, but I was sick of being polite while she makes digs and then acts all innocent.

Her partner looked mortified. She ended up crying even louder and they left earlier than planned. Now DH says I embarrassed her and made a stupid comment into a massive issue. He says she was clumsy, not malicious, and that saying she can’t stay again is way too harsh.

But I can’t get past it. Maybe it was “just a joke” but I don’t want to wash sheets, cook meals and play happy host for someone who apparently sees my home as her future inheritance.

I’ve said she can still visit her dad obviously, but I don’t want to wait on her hand and foot anymore and just put up with horrible digs.

AIBU or have I properly overreacted?

Massive over reaction on your part, and now you’re saying she can’t stay anymore, does your dh get a say in that or do you usually call the shots?

If we're talking about the house, then the majority is owned by the OP.

Ergo, the DSD's belief that that is her home is on par with the size of her fathers small stake in it.

The OP doesnt have to tolerate anyone in her home that behaves as bad as the DSD has done.

So are people saying that because the OP owns most of the house the SD is just a guest and not part of the family? So the OPs kids are more welcome because their mum owns more of the house?

Is family based on who owns what?

Oh my Christ; read the updates.

What a massive overreaction! Honestly, just let it go, it was a joke and your reaction was totally OTT.

It’s a joke that would be fine in my family, I think you overreacted tbh. Maybe it’s because of your relationship not being very warm it felt more unpleasant than it sounds here but honestly it’s just a joke. I would have been like “how do you know it’s not going to the cat shelter?” We used to tell our parents they were going to an old peoples home and they would tell us we are out of the will. It’s not a big deal.

I’ve read the full thread.

I think your SD has made a natural assumption that the house was shared equally and that’s not surprising.

Now you need to be very factual and unemotional.

So many “cancel the cheque” posts on this thread!

Have you read all the ops posts? Not just the first one? How would you explain the sd’s text to the op this evening then? More bantz I suppose…

Ok sorry I read the rest of your posts, she’s batshit, try to ignore her.

She's insane.

None of this makes any sense. First she told her DF to not get used to owning the house because half would be hers - presumably when he's dead. Why would he need to 'get used' to anything that would happen after he's dead?! He'd be dead! 😂

Secondly, securing her future? She's an adult now, if he lives to his 90s which is entirely possible, she's going to have spent an awful lot of time sitting around waiting for him to die so she can start her life. My DF has just got inheritance from his DM passing away. He's 70!

It really sounds like she was banking on getting some sort of share of something imminently, not as inheritance on the distant future. Was she expecting downsizing and large monetary gifts or something?

It's an utterly bizarre situation for her to be so angry about, literally fuck all to do with her. Her father is fine and well (and presumably now well warned not to eat any food she makes him...) Her boyfriend must be counting his lucky stars he's seen what she's really like early on.

I do not think so.
OP is NOT at a door mat stage to her DSD or DH.

I wonder what tomorrows texts will say.

Cancel the cheque!

Its a terrible attitude to have - to be eyeing up parental homes as inheritance or equity release. I have never viewed my parents home in that way and it was my childhood home. I see it as their home to enjoy into their old age. Who knows what the future holds - it may not be inheritance at all if one of my parents has care needs. I just dont get that mentality at all. And yes I accept times are hard for young people - we have not been exempt from that being stuck in a property too small for our family.

This
she sounds vile and it’s your home you don’t be going anywhere!!!!
I’d be considering my relationship to be honest with a “Dp” who sided with this entitled madam!

It was a joke. OP banning her from the house is OTT. If she won't inherit it why does OP care?

Perhaps it was the straw that broke the camels back…

People losing their shit over a throwaway comment and yet when an elderly relative dares to have money, everyone says they should be made to hand it over to their children.

No all the adult children are guests in their parents homes. Do you not understand this concept? Do you really see your parents home as your home? I know I definitely do not.

This.

Getting annoyed was not a great way to break this.

It was maybe close to the bone, but I think it was a jokey comment. My kids would say the same and be told to bugger off.

If she does it again, just tell her that you've changed the will! You're not leaving her anything! Play her at her own game! And tell her to bring her own bluddy towels.

It's just a joke surely, last time we went out for lunch with my family my dad went to pay, my brother said hold on dad spending the inheritance , everyone just laughed.

Why are so many commenting without first checking for updates from the OP? There's a lot more to this!

RTFT people!