how can I persuade him to get me pregnant before the wedding?

[hensnotpens]

We want to have a baby and are so ready but....

DP runs a company that booms at Christmas and he works 3-5 days a week for all year in the gear up to Christmas and then works 6 days a week from August and 7 days a week from October to December 24th with very long hours.

I don't want to give my child a Jan or Feb birthday as I know those who have them and they hate the time of year. It's dark, close to Christmas. I also know I will get little support if I were 8/9 months pregnant as my partner is busy over Christmas.

We rely on this income and I encourage him working it.

Because DP is so busy over those 4 months we are trying to time having a baby.

I figured March/April/ May would be a good time and if we started trying to conceive for these dates, statistically it's likely we will be able to. He donated sperm as a student and had two successful pregnancies from that so we know he is fertile.

Problem is that he doesn't want to conceive before marriage (he is pro sex before marriage but his culture is more traditional) and we are getting married this year in the last week of August. If we conceived on our wedding night (which would be very lucky and unlikely) the baby woudl be born late may.

A baby born later May means he will start to get busy before the baby is even 3 months old and I will be quite alone with a newborn. Neither of us want that.

So instead of conceiving before marriage. He wants to wait a whole year. But I am so ready for this baby. I so want to have one already. I really don't want to wait a year.

With my plan I will be less than 12 weeks pregnant before the wedding (I don't drink so that doesn't bother me)

How can I persuade him to get pregnant before our wedding?

Why would you want to try to coerce someone into having a baby before they are ready to?

he's ready for a baby now he just wants to be married before conceiving

If he doesn’t want to try now then that’s that.

Well you can't, can you and nor should you try.

So he's not ready for a baby now.

Get married in a registry office now and have the whole shebang next year

You could get married next week if it’s that important

He has his reasons, respect them.
Also, the majority of people do not conceive as soon as they plan to... It can be immediately, or years down the line.

He's wants to be married, so he's not ready, because he wants to be married. Don't force or coerce someone to do something against their will, particularly something as important as this.

By the way, my birthday is in February and I love when it is.

What if you end up with severe sickness or even hyperemesis? Your wedding will be an ordeal if that's the case. Just wait.

Also, his student jizz may not be exactly the same now as it was in Uni.

And then there's the fact you may struggle to conceive.

So all your meticulous 'planning' may go tits up anyway.

If you're over 40 I can understand you wanting to get on with it. If you're in your 20s just wait a bit.

You have no idea if you would conceive to order and planning a baby for your convenience isn’t a good idea. Also potentially consider the potential adverse effect of a summer birthday in your future child

Heaven forbid you have any complications with your fertility.

Honestly, this is shocking.

Is this another wind up thread because it's a bit odd!

he just wants to be married before conceiving

Then book the first available date at the registry office and get married.

There is never a "good" age for a baby to be when their dad has to work long hours for three months of the year. You are trying to plan for an impossibility - asking for a baby to be more convenient at certain times of the year. Babies just don't work that way.

I would not have a baby with someone who's job took them away from family 7 days of the week for a quarter of the year. How does that work with your own career?

Go get married now? Don’t tell anyone and have the wedding as a ceremony.
honestly though without meaning to be rude, you’ve given yourself 3 acceptable months a year to get pregnant. It seems a bit much. Surely you time the best you can and he either works a little less year one or you hire some extra help.

What’s the saying….. give your head a wobble…

If you think you can time a pregnancy you really don't know much about ttc...

Average length ttc for fertile couples is something like 9 months so you genuinely never know.

i understand your excitement though. Have you asked him to consider legally marrying now and having the celebration in August?

Childcare presumably? Have you never heard of people working away?

OP you can’t plan this in the way you think you can. You might get pregnant quickly and you might not

Not a great idea - you could be throwing up on your wedding day or, heaven forbid, dealing with a pregnancy complication or miscarriage.

I suggested getting married sooner and he wants all his family there and they are all abroad. If we had figured this out sooner we would have had a wedding earlier.

The nature of his company means we have to work alot of our life and holiday plans around it.

I know I cant time a pregnancy. I also know that statistically theres 60% chance of being successful in 3 months.

The bottom line is he doesn't want to be a dad before he's married 🤷‍♂️

So you need to accept that.