how can I persuade him to get me pregnant before the wedding?

[hensnotpens]

We want to have a baby and are so ready but....

DP runs a company that booms at Christmas and he works 3-5 days a week for all year in the gear up to Christmas and then works 6 days a week from August and 7 days a week from October to December 24th with very long hours.

I don't want to give my child a Jan or Feb birthday as I know those who have them and they hate the time of year. It's dark, close to Christmas. I also know I will get little support if I were 8/9 months pregnant as my partner is busy over Christmas.

We rely on this income and I encourage him working it.

Because DP is so busy over those 4 months we are trying to time having a baby.

I figured March/April/ May would be a good time and if we started trying to conceive for these dates, statistically it's likely we will be able to. He donated sperm as a student and had two successful pregnancies from that so we know he is fertile.

Problem is that he doesn't want to conceive before marriage (he is pro sex before marriage but his culture is more traditional) and we are getting married this year in the last week of August. If we conceived on our wedding night (which would be very lucky and unlikely) the baby woudl be born late may.

A baby born later May means he will start to get busy before the baby is even 3 months old and I will be quite alone with a newborn. Neither of us want that.

So instead of conceiving before marriage. He wants to wait a whole year. But I am so ready for this baby. I so want to have one already. I really don't want to wait a year.

With my plan I will be less than 12 weeks pregnant before the wedding (I don't drink so that doesn't bother me)

How can I persuade him to get pregnant before our wedding?

You’re either very lucky and get pregnant asap or it takes time. How old are you?

I am an early feb baby and I hate it. Everyone is still broke from Christmas, no-one wants to do anything, and it still feels like winter.

But if I have a Jan/Feb baby, I will be heavily pregnant and DP will be working.

I do work. I bake cakes and biscuits and sell them on Facebook and instagram for birthdays etc. I've grown quite a following and am very popular in the area. I love it and couldn't imagine doing anything else. But after ingredients etc its about minimum wage I make-

Just seen 34. You need to get on it now DTD.

As someone who has a 12 and 14 year old, I would say that the newborn stage is the easiest so I'd rather he be away for that than when they start toddling and getting into everything.

But it’s not three months to get pregnant, it’s actually only 18/21 days as you are only fertile for about 6 days a month with 2/3 days being the most fertile. Until you have been keeping track of your cycle (what have you been using for contraception which can effect it) it’s really going to be guess work. And you don’t even know if you can have children just because others in your family have means nothing.
please please don’t try the it’s an accident route

Get another job. Your current job is a hobby.

I’d actually see a fertility consultant now for you both to check there’s no issues. My SIL
had to have ivf as my DB had sperm issues. He was fine before as his first wife was pregnant. You never know.

Too late, he is a dad!

Good luck getting pregnant in a specific 3 month period then because you’re going to need it. Won’t be this year as your DP has said no, so you’ll wait a year, and if it doesn’t happen in those three months you’ll wait another year to try again? Don’t be silly. You’ll end up 40 and still trying to make the stars align. Save up and put some money away so your DH can take some time off when your need it

What?

I think they’re upset that her DP donated to a sperm bank when he was a student

No way would I have wanted to be pregnant on my wedding day especially in the first trimester. Even if you don’t feel sick you will probably be so exhausted. Everyone mentioned the sickness but the fatigue is debilitating. I have a baby born on Easter Sunday and one born Christmas Day! It is what it is.

I think at 34 I do understand where you are coming from.

I did the exact same as you at the same age, got married last summer. Wanted to get pregnant as soon as the honeymoon was finished but it took a little longer than I envisaged! Baby due December (all going well).

The things I would say:

• I also wanted to time it for a September/october baby but it didn't work out like that. All you really want is a healthy baby. When you watch women who struggle with miscarriages/ infertility or children born with severe SEN it really does put things into perspective.
• You might begrudge a Feb birthday but you wouldn't be you with any other birthday, it would be an entirely different sperm & egg. So it's not ideal but that's what made you who you are. If you like rugby Feb is a great month. Pubs are heaving where I live for the 6 nations.
• It might take a while to conceive either way so you can't really pick and choose.
• My experience of symptoms so far has been super mild but there are plenty of women on the baby threads who are knocked out with morning sickness /tiredness. You are so close to the wedding now it makes sense to wait really.
• The wedding stress really does ramp up at the end! It took quite a lot out of me 😅

You can’t if he’s not ready. That’s the thing with marriage and babies - both partners have an equal veto on it!

I’d say try to be less hung up on timing a baby for the perfect time of year.

Get your fertility checked out - the tests going private were a few hundred, if you can. That will be the push here - if there’s an issue for either of you which is time sensitive it will flush out for him whether he wants a baby and if he does, whether the risk of waiting post wedding is a big one.

Life’s what happens when you’re busy making plans. I couldn’t imagine being that prescriptive.

Hope he runs for the hills, if this is how you behave.

It does! 😂🤦🏽‍♀️ like wait, I can’t even get pregnant and this phenomenal woman is scheduling them…. hahahaha x

But better than going ahead and leaving you AFTER you’d had children, no?

This is crazy and manipulative behaviour- you are not mature enough to have a child tbh…

He doesnt want to be expecting a baby at his wedding so respect that.
If you manipulate or coerce him to do this against his values and will you will start your marriage and family on a very toxic footing. Not a good start. Just wait.

So your DP doesn’t believe in having kids before marriage, yet has fathered 2 children by sperm donation….

Is this something that ever concerns you OP? I wonder what his family will think when the two sperm offspring may well come knocking at your door when they turn 18. I think worrying about when your hypothetical child is born is possibly the least of your potential problems. Good luck OP.

Um..I think it's hilarious and incredibly naive that you think you can put things into little tick boxes of what you want. Pregnancies don't necessarily happen just because they're wanted for starters.

As you've it all figured out, what allowances have you factored having a special needs child into the equation?

Regardless...Your partner is not ready.

What? He's ready conceived before marriage, albeit sperms donation. He's had aex befkre marriage, in ehat world would it be somehow wrong or shameful to conceive with you before marriage if he's already had sex and had his sperm fertilise an egg?! I do not understand that logic.

So he's avoiding something or postponing, but it also doesn't help to have a hard target or deadline, it can be stressful and trying to plan a conception around the things you mentioned doesn't necessarily matter. People with winter birthdays aren't defined by the weather on their birthday, yes I am a rainy Feb birthday and yes it'd be nice to have a bbq on my birthday but it's no big deal.

There also is never a good or bad time for him to be working when you're either pregnant or parents, every stage of a child young life has different challenges and actually, being 8 to 9 months pregnant is your last peaceful time with your feet up getting as much sleep as you want for a while. Much better to have a newborn right after Christmas and his mad rush, then he has the next one when they're i or 9 months old and you'll be in the swing of things.

Sperm quality can decline over time. Just saw he was a sperm donor when younger.