how can I persuade him to get me pregnant before the wedding?

[hensnotpens]

We want to have a baby and are so ready but....

DP runs a company that booms at Christmas and he works 3-5 days a week for all year in the gear up to Christmas and then works 6 days a week from August and 7 days a week from October to December 24th with very long hours.

I don't want to give my child a Jan or Feb birthday as I know those who have them and they hate the time of year. It's dark, close to Christmas. I also know I will get little support if I were 8/9 months pregnant as my partner is busy over Christmas.

We rely on this income and I encourage him working it.

Because DP is so busy over those 4 months we are trying to time having a baby.

I figured March/April/ May would be a good time and if we started trying to conceive for these dates, statistically it's likely we will be able to. He donated sperm as a student and had two successful pregnancies from that so we know he is fertile.

Problem is that he doesn't want to conceive before marriage (he is pro sex before marriage but his culture is more traditional) and we are getting married this year in the last week of August. If we conceived on our wedding night (which would be very lucky and unlikely) the baby woudl be born late may.

A baby born later May means he will start to get busy before the baby is even 3 months old and I will be quite alone with a newborn. Neither of us want that.

So instead of conceiving before marriage. He wants to wait a whole year. But I am so ready for this baby. I so want to have one already. I really don't want to wait a year.

With my plan I will be less than 12 weeks pregnant before the wedding (I don't drink so that doesn't bother me)

How can I persuade him to get pregnant before our wedding?

There are never any guarantees when you will fall pregnant.

Even if he was on board, I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I was so ill until about 18 weeks. Do you want to spend your wedding day running off to be sick?

It took me 5 years to conceive. Just saying.

Honestly, there's never a good time to have a baby especially with such variability in his work.

• Being heavily pregnant with your husband not around much is HARD
• getting used to motherhood, the lack of sleep, newborn etc, with your husband not around much is HARD
• having an older baby and juggling continued sleep deprivation (often worse than as a newborn) plus them learning to move kill themselves), plus weaning, with your husband not around much is HARD.
• toddlers, who often still sleep terribly, tantrums etc, and possibly juggling going back to work with your husband not around much is HARD .

Babies and toddlers are wonderful. But they are hard however old they are. There isn't going to be an ideal time.

It is a decision you both have to be happy about. If you are young enough to wait then I don't see the issue
Also honestly you can't plan to the extent you want to!

You need to stop this.

It's crazy behaviour.

Honestly though, a lot of people do try to conceive for a specific time, and often that's fine. I conceived on month 3 and month 1.
So I'd planned to have two spring children and was lucky enough to have them.
But it's generally considered insensitive to make a big deal about it because it makes women's who have had difficulty conceiving feel understandably shit.

He wants to wait until after the wedding. That means he is not ready now.

You could always get married in a registry office ASAP, with 2 witnesses, only costs a hundred or so, and have the august date as a proper party.

You can’t really plan these things. You could get pregnant first go or you might not, you could get pregnant and miscarry. Our first two our November babies and that’s not ideal because of how cold and dark it is, limitation birthday parties and very close to Christmas. I tried for a summer baby and bingo baby was due August. I miscarried at 13 weeks. Tried again. Third ended up being yet another November baby. You’d be a lot wiser to wait until after you’re married and go with the flow a bit more

I think it's a bit rich from him to take a 'no children before marriage' view when he already has two kids via sperm donation...

How old are you OP? Is there really such a big rush?

Is he going to stick in that job for long? It doesn't sound very sustainable.

Can't you just wait a year?

As someone whis daughter is going through heartbreak after loosing a twin pregnancy don't make such a deal out of it. I can see why you want to control the timings but You never know what will happen. There will be times with children when life is tough. It might take you months to get pregnant, you might miscarry, unfortunately you can't always have what would be ideal when trying for a family. I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm sure you're just wanting an ideal situation but it doesn't always work like that.

I know you didn't ask, but YABU.

What am I reading?

He doesn’t want to try yet, and that’s that. You can’t force him very strange that you think you can.

I'm sorry but this all sounds pretty unhinged. You cannot perfectly time a baby. When you are both ready, you can start to try. What is your rush?

Speaking as someone who had the most horrendous sickness for the first 4 months of my pregnancy (to the point where I was praying I would miscarry as I was so, so ill) there is no way I would want to risk getting pregnant before my wedding.

Honestly OP, until you’ve seen a woman truly suffer from the most horrendous sickness where’s she’s dragging herself by her elbows across the bedroom floor to the bathroom to be sick, vision blurred from both dizziness and tears, because she hasn’t even got the strength to crawl there on her hands and knees, you have absolutely no idea just how bad it can be.

Do not risk having to cancel your wedding just so your potential baby isn’t born in a particular month.

(It also took me 11 months to conceive so you’re being very naive in that respect too. Conceiving straight away really isn’t that common so I’d let go of that notion).

Forget about the planning and just enjoy your wonderful wedding!!!!

The rest is out of your hands.

Took the words out of my mouth. This is all so unhinged.

The breathtaking arrogance of thinking it will work exactly when and where you want.

To be fair, it's very sensible to be married before having children. In fact I'd advise anyone not to do otherwise.

So you are only going to try for 3 months a year? And the rest of the time? Birth control until the following year?

He doesn't sound ready so I would leave it. Also, husband and I conceived our daughter on honeymoon so assumed we were extra fertile, if that's even a thing. It took us 18 months of trying each time for our 2nd and 3rd, despite tests showing there were no issues. You can try to plan a pregnancy all you want but more often than not, it won't align with your plans or preferred timeline.

You say you rely on his income - do you work?

But no - it’s not reasonable to try to talk someone into having a baby in that situation. Does he know about your plan re dates? It’s worth telling him so that he can make sure an ‘accident’ doesn’t happen.

My baby was born in January, best laid plans and all that....

Is your fiance called Father Christmas by any chance?

I got married at 11 weeks pregnant. Thankfully it was a small registry office do as I was throwing up around 20 times a day at that point and was in bed by 5pm.

I wouldn't recommend it.