how can I persuade him to get me pregnant before the wedding?

[hensnotpens]

We want to have a baby and are so ready but....

DP runs a company that booms at Christmas and he works 3-5 days a week for all year in the gear up to Christmas and then works 6 days a week from August and 7 days a week from October to December 24th with very long hours.

I don't want to give my child a Jan or Feb birthday as I know those who have them and they hate the time of year. It's dark, close to Christmas. I also know I will get little support if I were 8/9 months pregnant as my partner is busy over Christmas.

We rely on this income and I encourage him working it.

Because DP is so busy over those 4 months we are trying to time having a baby.

I figured March/April/ May would be a good time and if we started trying to conceive for these dates, statistically it's likely we will be able to. He donated sperm as a student and had two successful pregnancies from that so we know he is fertile.

Problem is that he doesn't want to conceive before marriage (he is pro sex before marriage but his culture is more traditional) and we are getting married this year in the last week of August. If we conceived on our wedding night (which would be very lucky and unlikely) the baby woudl be born late may.

A baby born later May means he will start to get busy before the baby is even 3 months old and I will be quite alone with a newborn. Neither of us want that.

So instead of conceiving before marriage. He wants to wait a whole year. But I am so ready for this baby. I so want to have one already. I really don't want to wait a year.

With my plan I will be less than 12 weeks pregnant before the wedding (I don't drink so that doesn't bother me)

How can I persuade him to get pregnant before our wedding?

I wondered about that - how does he know his sperm donation was successful twice?

June birthday here. Yes, it was great having exams on my birthday for years. I have particularly fond memories of my 18th - I had 3 exams in one day, taking me from 9am to 8pm. And then there were degree exams...

@hensnotpens
Its best you just accept now that babies and children do not fit to any planned schedule.

Get all of this overthinking and planning out your head. There will always be times when you need to cope on your own, or your very busy with work or your partner is, it will never fall right all the time.

Id enjoy your time before you are pregnant and baby is here as much as you can, it sounds like you have loads of it to be thinking over these things so much!

P.s if you cant respect your partners wishes and boundaries good luck for your marriage!

Trying to plan pregnancy like this is asking for disappointment. If you did get him to agree you may still take months to conceive (or longer), will you stop trying as soon as your specific window closes if you are not yet pregnant? All this extra pressure to conceive may make it more unlikely to happen. You may or may not fall pregnant easily many women do have problems and take years and perhaps need fertility treatment to have a family.

A friend of mine said they really didn't want a Christmas baby, two of their three children were born very close to Christmas, they don't care at all now!

Wait for the wedding. It’s a matter of months. Enjoy the day, TTC is stressful and early pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park either.

Forget about this perfect timing, and just start trying once you’re married. My sister conceived on her honeymoon; it took me 18 months and three miscarriages to get there. You just can’t plan for it and you won’t know what will happen until you try.

I’ve never known of people not wanting a child in January or February, how odd

You can spend the next year focusing on getting yourself in really good shape, taking folic acid etc if you need something to occupy your mind as pregnancy/birth is physically hard work so that will set you up well but tbh you simply can’t plan babies in this way and it’s not fair to pressure your fiance. How old are you?

I see your point about the timing during the year and Christmas being a bad time to be heavily pregnant or have a newborn.

Can you convince him that waiting a year feels like putting your life on hold?

Is he personally attached to the idea of being married prior to conception, or that he’s worried about how it will look to his family and friends for a baby to appear less than 9 months after the wedding?

You could potentially get legally married earlier and then reveal to guests after the wedding ceremony that the legal wedding part happened months earlier. If that’s not acceptable then I think you have to wait a year.

If you’re having a big wedding you should also consider the possibility that if you are pregnant at it you might be one of the unlucky people who has terrible morning sickness, you could be having or recovering from a miscarriage at the time, these are not so uncommon I’d want to risk it happening during the wedding. Maybe the pregnancy will require some form of bedrest or treatment that can’t easily be handled whilst at a wedding.

This. I could barely get out of bed from sickness for the first four months.

I’d honestly rather a newborn for that period then any older 6-9 month old. Newborns stay still, are pretty reliant on mum really, and if it’s your first then you can just bed down at home! I found the crawling/weaning stage MUCH harder and would prefer that to fall around when husband was less busy

But that's not what OP's statistic told her.

Side note: has anyone else quite weirded out by the term "get me pregnant'. It's like he's not even relevant in her world.

Right? I can't with these weird posts! Between pervy posts, dogs attacking randomly in public and WWYD, I sometimes think I'm reading the DailyMirror?

Sperm donors can be told if child had been born via their donation. No exact details but the fact there is a child. Now donation is not anonymous, depending when donation is made that child might trace you when they are older

I have a Jan birthday and love it. Can buy prezzies in the sale, no need to go out on forced birthday fun. Still in cozy clothes with all the good food still in shops, bloody love it

Wow! If only having a baby was that easy 😂😂
You do realise that the odds of a healthy, young couple getting pregnant each cycle is only something like 33%

im not sure of my own fertility which is why I don't want to wait a year. im 34. I saw the odds of a colour getting pregnant after 3 months of trying is 60% so I know the stats are on our side.

I think the term get me pregnant is just a factual description. Didn’t read anything else into it at all.

Do you wish your parents had timed your birth better?

this is actually really useful insight. As is those mentioning morning sickness. I have three older sisters. All got pregnant quickly, all have had miscarriages after their first child, (one had one child then 4 miscarriages) none had morning sickness. So no idea if these things run in the family or not.

So get married at the courthouse and have your wedding/reception at a later date.

OP - there is no reason to try to persuade him. You are going to be married, shortly. Why potentially jeopardise your relationship with impatience? What is the issue with having a baby after marriage?

Got pregnant on my first try. We’re now on attempt number 4 which wasn’t successful this month either. Like I said in my previous comment, you will soon just be happy to be pregnant regardless of when they’re due. Don’t add that pressure for no reason

You are mental to not have a jan or feb baby because people hate it. I am an early Jan baby and have never wished I had a different birthday. This is such a rubbish reason not to have a baby then.

This is very good point. I had HG with all of my pregnancies, by your wedding date I would have been admitted to hospital roughly 11 times. In my last pregnancy I had very early SPD and was on crutches as I could barely walk.It might not all be smooth sailing for you and with a wedding to attend, well, it could be best if you're not pregnant for that.

Having wasted many years on a number of men over the years that said they wanted children, but it was always “next year” or after the job move, house move, promotion….id be really wary of someone willing to gamble with my fertility and put a family on hold again.