how can I persuade him to get me pregnant before the wedding?

[hensnotpens]

We want to have a baby and are so ready but....

DP runs a company that booms at Christmas and he works 3-5 days a week for all year in the gear up to Christmas and then works 6 days a week from August and 7 days a week from October to December 24th with very long hours.

I don't want to give my child a Jan or Feb birthday as I know those who have them and they hate the time of year. It's dark, close to Christmas. I also know I will get little support if I were 8/9 months pregnant as my partner is busy over Christmas.

We rely on this income and I encourage him working it.

Because DP is so busy over those 4 months we are trying to time having a baby.

I figured March/April/ May would be a good time and if we started trying to conceive for these dates, statistically it's likely we will be able to. He donated sperm as a student and had two successful pregnancies from that so we know he is fertile.

Problem is that he doesn't want to conceive before marriage (he is pro sex before marriage but his culture is more traditional) and we are getting married this year in the last week of August. If we conceived on our wedding night (which would be very lucky and unlikely) the baby woudl be born late may.

A baby born later May means he will start to get busy before the baby is even 3 months old and I will be quite alone with a newborn. Neither of us want that.

So instead of conceiving before marriage. He wants to wait a whole year. But I am so ready for this baby. I so want to have one already. I really don't want to wait a year.

With my plan I will be less than 12 weeks pregnant before the wedding (I don't drink so that doesn't bother me)

How can I persuade him to get pregnant before our wedding?

Yeah as someone who had miscarriages, TTC for a while and a very very premature baby, I think it’s madness to attempt a birth month .

I think anyone who wants to plan things to the nth degree like that will struggle with the lack of control in pregnancy and labour and childbirth - and breastfeeding and babies generally! Nature doesn't take instructions well!

No, the average is a year for people under 35. That’s the average - some take a lot more, about 30% the first month, so it averages a year.

I was like OP - practically planning my first child’s birth date to the day. I was very naive and realised quite quickly that it’s out of our control. I conceived after 18 months of trying, by which point I didn’t give a shit what month she was born, as long as she was born!

Second child we thought it would take a while again, conceived first try.

You could convince him but it doesn't mean it will happen as you expect! Getting pregnant immediately doesn't always happen so trying to plan timings is unrealistic and a bit precious.

Sorry OP but you are crazy. Life doesn't work like this.

I think yanbu to feel that way but unless you have fertility issues there isn't a need to rush, it's better to plan these things properly.
I got pregnant first try at 24, then again first try recently age 30, in hindsight I wish we didn't rush as she is a January birthday but I wouldn't change it now. You never know you could conceive the month after your wedding (which as long as you are having regular sex is fairly likely).

I'm not sure why you are bothered about being heavily pregnant if husband is busy. This is your 1st baby so you won't really need any support. I was functioning pretty normally up to the birth of 1st.

I think the OP is getting a hard time here for having a strong preference about birth months.

Lots of people try to avoid Christmas, and aim for autumn rather than summer for educational reasons.

Yes it's a luxury, and if it doesn't happen at the right time, then obviously any time is fine, but it's not like the OP is unusual with this. I went for my ideal timing, so did many friends. Though I do know a few who aimed for a September birth, and ended up with late August!

I get why this seems ridiculous for those that struggle to conceive, to have ideal seasons, but it is achievable for many, if not most.

There are plenty of things other people/families do that I can't because of complications/disabilities within my family. It makes me feel rubbish, but I don't get annoyed at people for talking about it.

I think the OP should wait btw as it's clearly important for her partner that they be married first, and then they can aim for the season after if it's important for her.

I started trying three months before the wedding. I got pregnant straight away. Thankfully I wasn’t ill until after the wedding but then I was ill on my honeymoon , got anUTI and up in hospital with a kidney infection. You may have terrible morning sickness that would ruin your wedding. Don’t be a fool.

No it's not. I don't know where your stats are from, it they are wrong.

For a start, it doesn't pass a common sense check. If the average is a year, and couples are recommended to seek help if it hasn't happened within a year, that would mean literally half of couples needing help to conceive. That's clearly not the case.

There are many studies on it, but here's the first I came across.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC188498/

Having a wider look online, those numbers (90% within a year, not average), seems to be widely accepted.

I all honestly even with the all the organisation is unlikely you can time to that well.

Problem is that he doesn't want to conceive before marriage (he is pro sex before marriage but his culture is more traditional)

So he is happy to have shave sex with you but you can't have a child until after the wedding.

What kind of strange culture is this?

He's Father Christmas. The clue is in the name.

Man, red flags are flying. 1. Why not respect your partner's wishes? 2. Why is what you want more important and how do you think this will play out over the course of your marriage? 3. Robert Burns said it best, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry".

You change the Wedding date to a few months sooner. And I agree with him, I think it's madness to deliberately make a baby when you're not married.

It's also worth pointing out the term "morning sickness" is very misleading. More like "all day sickness" or "any time of day" sickness!

If I was your age I would be trying hard to conceive a baby whenever I could. It took me over a year to conceive my first. A little naive to think such things could be timed exactly perfectly as to have the ideal due date/birthday. Even if his sperm was amazing there are other factors that influence conception.

So true. My "morning sickness" lasted all day for 9 months!

@CupcakeDreams oh god yes! All day all pregnancy morning sickness. The term sick and tired was invented for it!

Yep. All day sickness from 5 weeks until the day I gave birth!
It’s why I only have the one child.