how can I persuade him to get me pregnant before the wedding?

[hensnotpens]

We want to have a baby and are so ready but....

DP runs a company that booms at Christmas and he works 3-5 days a week for all year in the gear up to Christmas and then works 6 days a week from August and 7 days a week from October to December 24th with very long hours.

I don't want to give my child a Jan or Feb birthday as I know those who have them and they hate the time of year. It's dark, close to Christmas. I also know I will get little support if I were 8/9 months pregnant as my partner is busy over Christmas.

We rely on this income and I encourage him working it.

Because DP is so busy over those 4 months we are trying to time having a baby.

I figured March/April/ May would be a good time and if we started trying to conceive for these dates, statistically it's likely we will be able to. He donated sperm as a student and had two successful pregnancies from that so we know he is fertile.

Problem is that he doesn't want to conceive before marriage (he is pro sex before marriage but his culture is more traditional) and we are getting married this year in the last week of August. If we conceived on our wedding night (which would be very lucky and unlikely) the baby woudl be born late may.

A baby born later May means he will start to get busy before the baby is even 3 months old and I will be quite alone with a newborn. Neither of us want that.

So instead of conceiving before marriage. He wants to wait a whole year. But I am so ready for this baby. I so want to have one already. I really don't want to wait a year.

With my plan I will be less than 12 weeks pregnant before the wedding (I don't drink so that doesn't bother me)

How can I persuade him to get pregnant before our wedding?

Mother Nature will decide…

I was thinking more Bernard Matthews

Maybe he's an elf.

Speak for yourself about post-Christmas birthdays. No one I have ever met has said "I hate my birthday because it gets dark in the late afternoon". I mean.. that is just ludicrous.

If this is your biggest issue, I envy you.

We need the laugh emoji

Honestly you’ll be lucky to get pregnant straight away. You could, but it could take a few months. I’d probably stop worrying about when you’re going to be due, as realistically what will you do if don’t convince in your narrow time frame? Stop trying and wait for the next ‘perfect’ time to align? No. Pretty soon you’ll just be grateful to be pregnant regardless if they’re due on Christmas Day on June.

Seriously, having a January or February birthday is about the biggest first world problem you could have. Grow up.

Given his 'traditional' upbringing I can't see that working.

This is not the same at all. Are you quite well?

You are over examining and over complicating this matter.

But he's not ready for a baby now. He wants to be married first.

Stop trying to coerce him into having a baby he's not ready for. Just wait a year.

To be fair my birthday is the start of Jan, it’s a pretty rubbish time to have a birthday as a child (parents skint from Christmas, can’t do fun days out, school normally restarts that week from Christmas holidays) and as a teenager (People want a quite few weeks after overindulgence over Christmas and new years). And I know plenty of other people who think the same. BUT it’s not a childhood trauma that I blame my parents for not planning to conceive me in time for my to be born in June so that I could have spent my birthday at Thorpe Park instead of Ice skating. In the grand scheme of things it’s not a life ruiner or anything lol

Really weird that he wants marriage before kids when he already has kids with strangers. ‘Statistically’ you’ve no idea if you will get pregnant quickly, life just doesn’t work this way. Don’t pressure him into have a baby sooner. Stop trying to control this whole thing so much, life is not that good at working to strict time scales and 7 days a week working as a parent for months on end every year shouldn’t happen anyway. He needs to get better at time management if he wants to be a parent

Does he grow Christmas Trees?

I think given everything you're not going to be able to change his mind. Given the way you feel I'd definitely use contraception again to avoid your due date being in Dec.

I know it feels like aaagggeeesss but a year will fly by.

oh my birthday is in February & I've never minded that.

Having my wedding during the first trimester of pregnancy would have been GRIM. I didn't even have it that bad compared to some ("only" vomiting twice a day usually) but I was exhausted.

Also I quite like my February birthday, something to look forward to after Christmas!

Sorry but you are clearly not ready to have a baby, because your amazing planning is missing one vital point - most women do not conceive successfully on the first try?! So what will you do then…? Life & conception doesn’t work like that, and if you don’t realise that you clearly aren’t ready. Sorry.

"I also know that statistically theres 60% chance of being successful in 3 months"
I've no idea where you got this from but getting pregnant is so entirely random, you cannot plan it, and also remember being pregnant does not equal having a baby. You need to respect his wish to be married first. And really take any expectations out of the picture, you have next to no control when it comes to conceiving and staying pregnant. It is very sensible to get married before having a baby from a legal and financial perspective as well. Obviously you need to be prepared that he'll always be that busy over those months, when you have a child to.

😂😂😂

Unless you have a critical health condition you dont need any support in the 8th/9th month of pregnancy. You do need it in the first 3 months of your baby's life (and thereafter)

Jan/Feb babies cope fine.
How do you propose to parent without him for 6 months every year? Are you up for that?

The answer is you never persuade someone to have a baby before they want to.

As an aside though, I would let go of plans of perfectly planning a pregnancy to these timings. It just rarely works that way- him having successfully donated sperm means nothing. One of my best friends has been ttc with her husband for 3 years now, he has 2 healthy children with his ex. Nothing is guaranteed so just keep a very open mind.

^This.

Plus, if you can't get your head around this @hensnotpens then you are not yet sufficiently mature to be a good parent, and also not yet sufficiently mature to get married.

Wait a year.

You can't persuade him so don't try. Anyway there are advantages and disadvantages to birthdays pretty much any time of year so forget that as a reason.

Yes quite well thanks.

When you have a baby, it is a joint decision. It upends your whole lives, and both of you need to be fully on board with it and in a zone of relaxed forgiveness towards each other and wanting the best for the baby. Anything else will lead to discontent, unhappiness and what used to be called a broken home. You will need his support in ways you cannot now anticipate, and that won’t be forthcoming if he feels he has been pressured into fatherhood early.

Also I think you may be in for a slight surprise that you cannot usually time the arrival of a baby. It took us nine months to conceive our first baby, and over two years for the second, with four miscarriages. I think this may be longer than for most people as I was in my late thirties, but nevertheless. I’m sharing because I wish someone had told me these things can happen.