Would you take young children to view an open casket?

[Frodo1010]

My grandad (dad's side) has come to the end of his life and my dad has fallen out with me because I've told him I won't be taking my children (5 and 1) to see their grandad in the open casket. My dad's side of the family are Irish but we haven't been raised there and so are not close. We are still going to the funeral etc to pay respects.

My dad has fallen out with me over this, has said that if I don't take them he wants nothing more to do with me. It's really upset me tbh as he isn't respecting my wishes as a parent. I'm now questioning my own judgement because of the upset over it. My 5 year old son is very sensitive and I know he'd be affected by it. Would you let your child?

Yes and I grew up with this experience too (also Irish). I think it’s a healthy way to deal with death - it’s still the same, loved person - not a ghost or monster.

No I would not

Edit as misread

and your dad falling out with you over this at this time - is so unfair

Your kids, your choice. And I would be making the same choice as you, real risk of upsetting the 5 year old.

Definitely not

My dad has fallen out with me over this, has said that if I don't take them he wants nothing more to do with me

drama llama

and I’d guess he’s not exactly father of the year and there’s a torrid history to his parenting?

Absolutely not.

I saw an open casket as an adult and I found it deeply upsetting and it took me years to start remembering them as a vibrant living person rather than a dead thing in a casket. In no circumstances would I want my small children seeing that!

Absolutely not.

i don’t know about Irish culture, but I’m guessing this is expected and that’s why you mentioned it.

no way would my children be seeing an open casket as their age. I’m still traumatised by my fathers funeral which I went to when I was 9 and is why I don’t take my own children to funerals.

I think on balance I would, but if you don't feel your 5 year old would cope then that makes sense too. Casket or no casket is the smaller issue here though, your dad falling out with you over something so trivial must be very upsetting. Has he struggled with the loss of his dad and is hyper-foscussing on this? Is he usually like this?

Yes, and I have taken young children to their grandparents' funerals because I live in Ireland and that's how it's done here. I'm English and I admit I struggle with open caskets myself, but have made myself get used to it. The kids didn't turn a hair, btw.

I've been at an Irish funeral where the wake was held in the house, the open casket was in the sitting room, the house was packed with family and friends and there were young children happily running around. The elderly gent who'd died would've loved it, actually.

Back to OP's question though - if you think your child will be upset by it, you have to do what you think is right as a parent and not take him. Remember, your dad will be grieving and won't necessarily mean what he's saying.

Absolutely not. And I’d tell my father to F off if he made threats like that.

I would but I'm Irish

This is very very normal. Sitting around the coffin drinking tea and chatting

There's absolutely 0 chance I would take my children to go and see a dead body. I wouldn't want to go to an open casket myself so why on earth would I subject a child to it? Your dad can fall out with you all he wants but this could traumatise your, already sensitive, child.

A lot of factors mean some people look better than others in death but not all bodies just look like they are sleeping, some are pretty scary.

My MIL died when my son was about 11. They had the choice at the funeral of going in to see her open casket. He went and was quite unsettled by it.

Roll on a few years. Lats year my FIL died, and we had the choice of seeing him in the open casket. All the kids (now young adults) did go in, but my dh went in and broke down crying. He said he didn't wnat to remember his dad like that.

It is really emotional seeing a dead body. They don't look like the person who has gone.
I would never force a child ot go and see an open casket

Nope, not a chance.

In fact my dad has insisted that when he dies nobody is to be allowed to ‘view’ his body, after being traumatised by seeing his own dead father when my dad was in his 30’s. He said my grandad looked horrific, it took him years to get the image out of his head and that was the first and last dead person he ever went to look at.

No. You're their parent not your dad. He'll have to accept your choices.

No I wouldn’t. I saw my grandfather in an open casket when I was 15 and it was really awful - he didn’t look at all like the living person he had been.

I have a 5 year old now and I wouldn’t take him.

No way.

Absolutely not and I wouldn't be blackmailed into doing so either.

Is this your dad’s father? I think you have to remember he is in grief so while he’s unreasonable it’s because of that not because he is a dick. Can you visit without the kids? If you feel able to.

you know your children and they should be your priority not your father. But your father deserves understanding. He probably won’t cut you off over it it’s just greif talking

Its fascinating to see the amount of people who think that to see a loved one dead is traumatic.
Death is an inevitable part of life and should be normal to everyone.

Must children don't take any notice or get upset about the coffin.

Nope. Very different if you’re born and brought up in that culture though.

Is it different to seeing someone in an open casket eg being embalmed to seeing a dead person? Because I saw my nana die and just afterwards but have never seen anyone in an open casket.