Would you take young children to view an open casket?

[Frodo1010]

My grandad (dad's side) has come to the end of his life and my dad has fallen out with me because I've told him I won't be taking my children (5 and 1) to see their grandad in the open casket. My dad's side of the family are Irish but we haven't been raised there and so are not close. We are still going to the funeral etc to pay respects.

My dad has fallen out with me over this, has said that if I don't take them he wants nothing more to do with me. It's really upset me tbh as he isn't respecting my wishes as a parent. I'm now questioning my own judgement because of the upset over it. My 5 year old son is very sensitive and I know he'd be affected by it. Would you let your child?

As an ex nurse I’ve seen more dead bodies than I care to remember but seeing my late father in the chapel of rest after having a PM has definitely scarred me for life and that was 26 yrs ago and I would never view a dead loved one again .

Yes. Death is a normal part of life. Somehow we've become frit of the whole process.

Plenty of people here have said they did it and found it traumatic. It's ok for people to be different.

No I wouldn’t. I remember seeing my grandad it the later stages of his illness and that still really bothers me. Can’t imagine what it would do seeing him dead in a casket.

There is no way I would take my dc to this, at any age, let alone so young.
But then, I wouldn't go myself either, as it is not my culture.

It sounds like it might have been your father's culture, but it isn't yours.

Total respect to people doing what "is expected" in their own culture, but your Dad needs to also respect that it is not yours. He presumably had a say in the way you were brought up, which was differently from the way he had been brought up, if you have differing traditions over this.

Sorry to drip feed but also wanted to add that I saw my nan in an open casket when I was a child and it took me years to get over it so that is probably clouding my judgement. I know death is a normal part of life but I remember it frightened me and it stayed with me for years.

“Most children” @sillysmiles ?

how many open casket funerals with children in attendance have you attended to come to this conclusion that it’s water off a duck’s back for “most children”?

children of your own?

I was about 14 when my grandad died and we went to see him in an open casket. It was awful and really traumatised me so I wouldn't ever do it myself again never mind take children no matter what their age.

All irrelevant

YOU are their parent
YOU don’t want them to see an open casket.
So they don’t.

And that - is all you and we need to know

No and I wouldn't want to go either. I prefer to remember people as they were alive.

No personally I would not. I was pushed into this by my own parent and I was older than your children. I didn't want to and its a lasting memory of a grandparent that I wish I didn't have.

Funerals can be a very normal and important part of life in Ireland.
Your father may see it as very disrespectful to him and his late father that his own family won't go.
People often talk about or mention people that didnt come to the funeral. It can be seen as rude or sign of a split in family if you dont go.
Im just trying to show it from a different perspective.
If your father is generally controlling then maybe there is more to it. But it could be genuinely upsetting to him that you won't go and appear to possibly be making a big deal out of what in his eyes is just a normal part of life

Thank you. I know this is what it comes down to and he has manipulated me into doing what he wants in the past through mind games and silent treatment.
I just think I'm second guessing myself because of the situation and the emotions involved. I really don't want to be disrespectful.

Thank you. I am planning on going to the funeral with my children just not the open casket at the house.

Well they're dead, yes, so what's the point of it?

My Nan got a lot of shit from my Irish Grandad's side of the family for not having an open casket at his funeral, it is a massive thing culturally. Just because it is part of culture does not mean that you are obliged to make your children take part. You know your children best and if you think it will be distressing for them then that is that. Personally I prefer closed casket funerals, people don't look like themselves.

If your father is normally a good, kind parent, just put it down to grief and hope in time he will calm down.

No. My mum was in an open casket and at home the night before her funeral and I refused to go and I was 32. Some of the family sat with her overnight, but that wasn’t a memory of her I wanted.

everyone grieves differently and we should respect that. I really don’t feel it would be a benefit to your children they are too young to understand what is happening. Your dad’s anger is probably a misplaced form of grief as losing a parent at any age is incredibly hard.

No. I would not. I wouldn’t want my young child to view a dead body. Your son doesn’t know this dead person. He’s not saying goodbye so it’s purely performative. Perhaps if he knew the person and was able to communicate this and you believed he wouldn’t freak out. But none of these things are true.

But at five years old I freaked out over a puppet. My child freaked out over a cartoon. Not every child needs to process death the Irish way.

Also, I say this as a Catholic who is part-Irish and have attended Rosaries with an open casket.

You are the only protection your child has.

Gosh this is interesting to me and clearly there are strong cultural taboos in place which vary significantly. I am really not freaked out by the idea of a dead body. I am sad that the person is dead and miss them etc but the fact their body is present and lifeless is almost incidental to this feeling for me.

The idea of someone not showing up to honour the dead and comfort the living makes me feel far more uncomfortable (eg that is my cultural taboo - I wouldn’t dream of it). Having said that, I presume you could go to the wake in the house and the children wouldn’t have to go into the room the casket is in if you don’t want them to / you could go first to see. I guess all of my experiences have been non-traumatic as the deceased looked peaceful and fine which was comforting.

(Caveat is that eg the body of a young baby or child which a pp referenced would of course be very upsetting and I would think differently about that.)

No. I declined a viewing as an adult while living in the states. It’s very much the cultural norm there, and I respect that. But I did not want to participate. I went for a walk and then joined the religious service afterwards.

No 5 year old needs to see a dead body, great Grandad or not. My 6 year old granddaughter didn't go.to my husband funeral as we didn't want to upset her as she loved her grandad so much. Your Dad sounds awful, he should be thinking of his grandchildren not some old Irish tradition.

I’m Irish and open casket is normal, however the way it worked out I didn’t see one until my early 20s- a friend’s father so not a close loved one. I found it a bit disturbing. No way would I take a 5 year old.

It's not 'some old Irish tradition', it's a daily reality in 2026 in Ireland and in many other cultures which does not upset children because it's not inherently upsetting.

Do they prepare the body before they do this (stitching the mouth closed, and using pins to pin the corners of the mouth upwards a bit)? I have been told by a relative that these were visible in the viewing of her df, at the funeral parlour, a couple of days before the funeral. I find this really awful, and my dh and I have agreed that there is to be no viewing of our bodies, after death, at the funeral parlour - I don’t want to be messed with like this, or gawped at, after death, by family / friends / random people who want to visit.

There is no way I would take children to see an open casket. My dh remembers his grandfather (he went to see him after his death, when he was in his early 20s), he says he regrets it so much, and it has completely obliterated all memories he had of him when he was alive.

I’ve always assumed that traditions of sitting with the open casket overnight were very practical ways (in previous centuries) of ensuring that death had actually taken place (ie making sure there are no signs of life, before the burial), in the days before medical science was particularly advanced, or widespread - but surely this is no longer practically necessary?

But it is not a daily reality in English culture. OP's father has chosen to raise his children outside if Ireland. If you move your child away and raise them in a culture that is different to your own, you have to accept that your child is less likely to adopt the same customs.