I get the vibe she doesn’t like me and I can’t work out why

[ValleyClouds]

I have a friend “Sarah” who is very outgoing and organises a lot of group nights out. I have slowly become an established member of The Group.

Another member, Cleo, appears not to like me. At one event I was with just Sarah and Cleo and we were organising payment for drinks and Cleo very pointedly said “YOU’RE my friend” to Sarah, as if to say “ and YOU’RE not”

Additionally, I’ve organised a couple of things, and Cleo has very pointedly ignored me in the group chat for one thing and sent word to decline via Sarah for the other one

I have tried making inroads with Cleo and invited her out 1:1 - I was completely rebuffed not even a rain check.

I know you can’t be liked by everyone but I can’t see a real reason. I have got a disability and have wondered if she’s just decided she doesn’t have the bandwidth for a friend with additional needs but that just seems really crap.

When we are out as a group theres usually something going on so not much chat but I’ve realised we have got things in common if she gave me the chance.

any thoughts?

Thanks @EvieBB I feel much more sorted having asked MN!

This....

Good luck OP. Even on this thread I can see you are a people pleaser. It’s ok to stop !

All of the above. I’d have forced a laugh out of me for the “you’re my friend” comment because that sounds like something straight out of the playground.

Don’t bother making any effort with her anymore. Leave her embarrass herself with her immature petty moments, and force yourself to think of something else every time she either comes into your head or is in front of you at meetups.

This is what I tell my son. Not everyone will like you, just like you don’t like everyone.

It doesn’t mean it’s their loss or your loss, just different people.

I’ve met people before I haven’t liked, and people have disliked me.

What other people think of me is none of my business or concern.

I don’t assume jealousy, because the reason doesn’t matter.

I’m sure I have annoying traits although I like to think I’m practically perfect like Mary Poppins. 😉

I don’t think people need to know why someone doesn’t want to be friends with them really.
I see them as being no different than romantic relationships in that sense. Them just not wanting to is enough of a reason.

It’s never happened to me thankfully, but I’ve always dreaded the possible scenario of someone trying to make friends with me who I’m not interested in being friends with, and they won’t get the hint.

This is going to sound harsh, but I personally see it as a form of social ineptitude if someone is clearly giving signs that they’re not interested, and the other person keeps trying to force the issue.

Sarah might know…

in my experience where I live now, when we first moved here I was asked how much land we had (rural area).

I rattled that off but mentioned another property that had family association but was starting to become problematic for various reasons. What I didn’t know at the time was the woman asking me had in her friend circle, someone who was related to the other party involved in the family property issue. That person had spread a lot of rumours and trouble about us and my SIL although had never said anything to our faces.

so back to the initial woman, she had her mind set without having ever met me. There’s nothing you can do to get past someone like that. Our kids ended up going to school together and it didn’t affect them, but for someone new to the area it wasn’t a pleasant time for be and I was fairly thin skinned in those days too…

Sometimes we dislike somebody because (subconsciously) they remind us of somebody who we didn’t like or get on with. I remember some years ago talking to a woman and taking a dislike to her but poor woman she had done nothing to annoy me and then I realised it was because she had a Wolverhampton accent the same as my late mother-in-law whom I couldn’t stand

Yes. Her problem. You don't need to get her to like you. She doesn't sound like the sort of person you want as a friend. We can't all be everyone's cup of tea. Stop trying. You are making yourself miserable. People like this have a highly inflated view of their own worth. You would never be able to trust her. You will find your "tribe". I am mid 50s and still finding mine. Practise being good to yourself and dancing these two isn't doing that.

I've experienced people like this & find that if I treat them with the same 'vibes' they soon come around 👍

I myself have 'multiple' medical disabilities. Not all of them can be seen, so if not mentioned no-one would be any the wiser. But when the subject comes up I've endured MANY 'shallowminded' people who'll take 'one step forward, but then two back when word is out'. Like you've got leprosy. 🙄

I don't think this is the case. Of all of the people I know, no one has beef with anyone. They all just get along perfectly well (unless they all hate ME and hide it well).

I suspect this woman is someone who clings onto one friend and sees some others as competition for their attention.