I get the vibe she doesn’t like me and I can’t work out why

[ValleyClouds]

I have a friend “Sarah” who is very outgoing and organises a lot of group nights out. I have slowly become an established member of The Group.

Another member, Cleo, appears not to like me. At one event I was with just Sarah and Cleo and we were organising payment for drinks and Cleo very pointedly said “YOU’RE my friend” to Sarah, as if to say “ and YOU’RE not”

Additionally, I’ve organised a couple of things, and Cleo has very pointedly ignored me in the group chat for one thing and sent word to decline via Sarah for the other one

I have tried making inroads with Cleo and invited her out 1:1 - I was completely rebuffed not even a rain check.

I know you can’t be liked by everyone but I can’t see a real reason. I have got a disability and have wondered if she’s just decided she doesn’t have the bandwidth for a friend with additional needs but that just seems really crap.

When we are out as a group theres usually something going on so not much chat but I’ve realised we have got things in common if she gave me the chance.

any thoughts?

Maybe she just doesn't feel like she has much in common with you? There are people in my wider group of friends who I wouldn't really want to spend time one on one with but will tolerate them in a wider group.

You need to not give a fuck.

This is actually very wise advice

She and I do actually have things in common if she actually bothered her arse she’d realise that

She doesn’t sound very nice at all. Don’t bother with her, she isn’t worth your energy.

She can be quite sharp tongued maybe she just doesn’t let people in easily ?

I don't suppose you pointedly ignore them though, as that would be rude.

She sounds horrible and pathetic. Sounds like she's trying to bully you. How old is she, out of interest? That "YOU'RE my friend" comment sounds straight out of high school.

Be glad you don't have to put others down in order to boost your fragile ego. And then keep her at arm's length (or, better yet, have absolutely nothing to with her at all).

This is all her issue.

I don’t know her exact age, she’s over 50 not a young girl. The comment over the drinks made me feel so embarrassed I had my purse out ready I had no expectations she would even OFFER to pay my drink and she made such a point of it @FeistyFrankie

She sounds quite pathetic. "You're my friend"-there were more mature people in infant school. Sarah should call her out if she does anything that is obviously discriminatory. While a lot of people will just say ignore her, don't let it bother you, IF she is treating you badly due to your disability, she shouldn't just get away with this, the same as if it was because of your skin colour.

She just doesn’t like you. Without knowing both of you it’s impossible to know why.

She may be like me - I tend to make up my mind very quickly about someone when I first meet them and it’s more likely to be negative. So i don’t bother with them.

Some people just don’t like you. Beach has it spot on.

There’s one in my wider group who doesn’t like me. I tried being all nicey but that didn’t work. Now I am civil but also enjoy subtly winding her up.

Cleo has problems..You're not my friend made laugh so so juvenile.

Why does she need to like you?

I’ve had the experience of someone reminding me of a school bully, in some small way with a mannerism or something in their appearance and getting a visceral dislike that’s really hard to shake. I don’t act on it though. It sounds like she has very poor social skills.

Does it matter if she doesn't like you? She doesn't sound worth bothering with.

Not everyone is going to like you or want to get to know you. And that’s okay. I can understand why someone might not like me. If I have to mix with them for whatever reason I stay civil and interact as little as possible. I also make sure I am seen to behave nicely to them, just in case they are shit talking me behind my back, they won’t have much ammunition.

What a shame for you. On so many fronts.

Why do you want someone like that to be friends with you? She sounds rude and and not very nice.

Why is it a shame?

Why waste your time winding her up? Not everyone has to like you.

Exactly. People are allowed to dislike you. In this case, when the OP has joined what sounds like a quite large, established group, there will be people who just don’t like you. It’s presumably the reason why bafflingly large numbers of Mners have ‘friends’ they hang out with but don’t like at all.

Just to clarify I have the opposite reaction sometimes and the friends I do have are genuinely trustworthy people.

I am AuDHD so read people differently and it has worked well

I always roll my eyes at all the friendship dramas - Who has that kind of time.

It’s just a non-issue. I mean, you will, in your life, inevitably encounter people who dislike you, or to whom you’re just uninteresting background noise.

That’s why we have friends, otherwise we would feel exactly the same about literally everyone in the world, rather than choosing certain people to be close to.