Funniest things kids have said in class

[tryingtojokearound]

Just though nice idea to cheer people up on a friday evening!

[ILoveACornishPasty]

My sister is a teacher and in her class she reads out letters that are sent home to all children so they know what they're taking. She sent home a letter about the dates for the summer fayre. One girl then had a sobbing melt down because she was sure she would never be able to get a date for the fayre!! Bless X

[Waydugo]

Group of year 6 special needs kids. After play one boy says "Miss my eyeballs are sweating" Without missing a beat another boy says "I think you'll find that's called cry". I nearly was as well but for the wrong reasons!!

[ProfessorBranestawm]

Yr 8 class studying the human body. Asked to each come up to the front and put a post it note somewhere on the big model skeleton, with the name of the bone.

Up comes a pupil, puts a note on the breastbone, on which she has carefully written "scrotum"

[nattyknitter]

As a student teacher I had a particularly difficult Y10 class. One day the bane of my life most difficult lad declared, 'Argh Miss you're doing my head in, I really need a fag. Despite not being a smoker I responded with, 'You and me both Joe, you and me both. That evening heading to the bus stop, Joe wandered past with a group of friends and proffered an open box of cigs towards me. I declined, but we had a sort of understanding after that and he is now the one I remember most fondly.

Same kid. Sports Relief. Each group gets a lesson off to do sponspred laps of the netball courts to raise money. They were allowed to bring in fancy dress to wear for that period only. Sadly that group were not off for my lesson. I heard giggling as I was writing on the board. I turned round, dreading what it might be about. Joe is sitting on the front row wearing and stroking a very long grey beard. He expected a bollocking, I doubled up laughing and let him keep it on for the rest of the lesson.

[Mozartinmyfanjo]

MyCat I am crying

[Izzy82]

I was teaching year 5 about world war 2. We were discussing the allied and axis Power. I asked it anyone knew what the countries were called who were neither allows not axis and a girl put her hand up, and genuinely answered 'pussies'!

Another time i was teaching Henry VIIII to the same year 5 class. Several lessons in, I asked them what religion people were in England of not Catholics. A girl put her hand up and answered 'prostitutes!'

[bumbleclat]

Izzy that's hilarious!
My cat Im also crying with laughter!

[EskSmith]

Maths questions with Year 2's. 1 girl had correct answer to something like 37+9. I pointed out to her that the question asked her to show how she worked it out. She drew me a picture of her fingers

[HumphreyCobblers]

I found one reception boy sobbing over his pink milk carton. Apparently he didn't want any milk from a 'lady cow'.

[almostthirty]

My y1 class were creating a story about willy wonker. As I was writing on the board sounding out wonker and reminding them to use their cursive handwriting I accidentally wrote willy wanker. My TA had to leave the room while I hastily crossed out and tried again.

[Nuttypops]

All of the children, including primary 1s had to wear ties as part of their uniform at the school I previously taught at. This was an absolute nightmare after P.E. when you were faced with 25 ties to do up! One of my Primary 4 boys had just said he wanted to learn how to do up his tie by Oct half term when the deputy head walked passed (open plan school) and asked if he had got the hang of it yet. I replied, "No, but we are going to get that tie cracked by October, aren't we X?"
About an hour later, having done no work in the intervening period, the child came up to me with a puzzled look on his face, "How are you going to crack my tie Mrs Nutty? It's soft!"

[Nuttypops]

Some of my favourites on cards from my Y4s when I went on maternity leave two years ago-

• "Enjoy your returnity leave." That seems pretty apt to me.

-"Dear Mrs Nutty, you taught me maths. You have two eyes. Bye bye."
I am relieved that my two eyes survived maths!

[whatdoIget]

almostthirty it's spelt Wonka, not Wonker

[JuicyLucyParrot]

I volunteered at an infant school a few years ago.

A class of 4 and 5 year olds were asked to draw a picture of their grandparents and then share a story about them. One little girl stood up and, said 'This is my Granny but we don't see her much any more because she's got Old Timers disease and doesn't know who I am'. Every time I hear something about Alzheimer's I always think of that little girl

[Pointlessfan]

When covering a history lesson with a lovely yr7 class a boy volunteered to read out loud a passage from the text book about King Cnut. He got the n and the u mixed up every time he said the word. The rest of the class didn't seem to notice or were too polite to laugh but I was in hysterics!

[ReallyTired]

When I was pregnant with dd I worked at a special school. They had vertial tutor groups. One little girl who was eleven years old with Downs said to me "Miss, you have put on weight". An older girl who was fifteen years old said to the little girl, "Miss is in the pudding club." The eleven year old then said to me "Miss, I want to join the pudding club."

[almostthirty]

It was a made up robot based on Willy Wonka that the children made up so in this case it was Wonker (read in a robot voice as in wonk-er) sorry I should have made that clear !

[whatdoIget]

Ah right! Sorry I was in a mood this morning and my post was a bit abrupt almostthirty

[wineoclockthanks]

Y1 class designing posters about Internet safety, boy puts his hand up and asks how to spell paedophile , his friend asks what one is and he replies 'I'm not really sure but my dad says they're fucking everywhere"

I couldn't look at my teacher but could hear her gulping, a lot!

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

These are great.

I find it so funny when the giant 15/16 year old lads call me mum.

It's the best thing about the job, the kids and what they come out with. I'm always surprised and amazed and appalled and amused.

[Martin1991]

"Mrs Martin, when my mum goes to the job centre my mum always takes crutches so she doesn't have to get a job".
Said child age 5!

[happyis]

A good few years ago now, one of my Reception children announced,

"my mummy isn't friends with my daddy anymore, because he had a sleepover with Marys mummy." ("Mary" was another child in the same class!)

[happyis]

Martin1991 - you reminded me of a conversation that I had with a yr1 child. I commented that it was unusual for his Mum to be late collecting him from school. He replied that she was late because his Mum was coming home from her new job in a hotel. He said "school" wasn't allowed to know about her job or they would get her in big trouble and stop all her money.

[BasketsBoxesandBumbleBees]

Teaching my maths group, year 5 low ability, asked them when they would need to use doubles in real life, up pipes one "oh doubles that's like what Mum has in the pub!", made so much better as I was being observed at the time

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

sleepover with Marys mummy
I actually like the simple way the mum explained it!
My own DC has come out with several alcohol related ones that I think made his primary school concerned about us.
At the school Xmas fair - clear piping voice of course, with HT there 'Mummy, shall we meet you by the Mulled Wine stall again?'
In same school diary 'We went to J's house for a barbecue. We stayed nearly all night and mum drank lots of wine and fell off [older brother's] scooter on the way home.' (We were there about 2 hrs till 9pm, and the pavement was massively uneven)
Another diary entry 'Mum's drinking buddies came round and I served the refreshments' (DH referred to my Book Club this way and taught DS2 the correct way to pour fizz).