Funniest things kids have said in class

[tryingtojokearound]

Just though nice idea to cheer people up on a friday evening!

[cheapandcheerful]

Child: I'm half-Christian.
Me: Oh really? What's the other half?
Child: Welsh.

[happyis]

*intimidating

Sorry, trying to type on my phone without my glasses!

[happyis]

Year One were writing their weekend news. A very streetwise child with quite an intimadating father asked, "Miss, how do you spell ponce?"

Dreading what her answer Was going to be, I asked "what is your sentence?"

She replied "one ponce time"

not quite the LO/LI/wILF that I was going for, but a much better answer to the one that I had imagined she was going to say!

[Hrafnkel]

Yr 7 boy in phsee lesson about body parts yelled out enthusiastically: "what's a clitoris? I know! That boy who flew too close to the sun!"

[lilyboleyn]

Y3 boy at a vairy naice school:
"Mrs Boleyn, what's a son of a bitch?"
He genuinely did not know it was a bad thing.

[breward]

The Easter story yesterday, just marking and had to smile:

"Jesus was raped in white cloth after he died" Opps!!

[ellaballoo]

I asked a little girl when she used full stops and she replied "When my hand starts to hurt !"

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

sleepover with Marys mummy
I actually like the simple way the mum explained it!
My own DC has come out with several alcohol related ones that I think made his primary school concerned about us.
At the school Xmas fair - clear piping voice of course, with HT there 'Mummy, shall we meet you by the Mulled Wine stall again?'
In same school diary 'We went to J's house for a barbecue. We stayed nearly all night and mum drank lots of wine and fell off [older brother's] scooter on the way home.' (We were there about 2 hrs till 9pm, and the pavement was massively uneven)
Another diary entry 'Mum's drinking buddies came round and I served the refreshments' (DH referred to my Book Club this way and taught DS2 the correct way to pour fizz).

[BasketsBoxesandBumbleBees]

Teaching my maths group, year 5 low ability, asked them when they would need to use doubles in real life, up pipes one "oh doubles that's like what Mum has in the pub!", made so much better as I was being observed at the time

[happyis]

Martin1991 - you reminded me of a conversation that I had with a yr1 child. I commented that it was unusual for his Mum to be late collecting him from school. He replied that she was late because his Mum was coming home from her new job in a hotel. He said "school" wasn't allowed to know about her job or they would get her in big trouble and stop all her money.

[happyis]

A good few years ago now, one of my Reception children announced,

"my mummy isn't friends with my daddy anymore, because he had a sleepover with Marys mummy." ("Mary" was another child in the same class!)

[Martin1991]

"Mrs Martin, when my mum goes to the job centre my mum always takes crutches so she doesn't have to get a job".
Said child age 5!

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

These are great.

I find it so funny when the giant 15/16 year old lads call me mum.

It's the best thing about the job, the kids and what they come out with. I'm always surprised and amazed and appalled and amused.

[wineoclockthanks]

Y1 class designing posters about Internet safety, boy puts his hand up and asks how to spell paedophile , his friend asks what one is and he replies 'I'm not really sure but my dad says they're fucking everywhere"

I couldn't look at my teacher but could hear her gulping, a lot!

[whatdoIget]

Ah right! Sorry I was in a mood this morning and my post was a bit abrupt almostthirty

[almostthirty]

It was a made up robot based on Willy Wonka that the children made up so in this case it was Wonker (read in a robot voice as in wonk-er) sorry I should have made that clear !

[ReallyTired]

When I was pregnant with dd I worked at a special school. They had vertial tutor groups. One little girl who was eleven years old with Downs said to me "Miss, you have put on weight". An older girl who was fifteen years old said to the little girl, "Miss is in the pudding club." The eleven year old then said to me "Miss, I want to join the pudding club."

[Pointlessfan]

When covering a history lesson with a lovely yr7 class a boy volunteered to read out loud a passage from the text book about King Cnut. He got the n and the u mixed up every time he said the word. The rest of the class didn't seem to notice or were too polite to laugh but I was in hysterics!

[JuicyLucyParrot]

I volunteered at an infant school a few years ago.

A class of 4 and 5 year olds were asked to draw a picture of their grandparents and then share a story about them. One little girl stood up and, said 'This is my Granny but we don't see her much any more because she's got Old Timers disease and doesn't know who I am'. Every time I hear something about Alzheimer's I always think of that little girl

[whatdoIget]

almostthirty it's spelt Wonka, not Wonker

[Nuttypops]

Some of my favourites on cards from my Y4s when I went on maternity leave two years ago-

• "Enjoy your returnity leave." That seems pretty apt to me.

-"Dear Mrs Nutty, you taught me maths. You have two eyes. Bye bye."
I am relieved that my two eyes survived maths!

[Nuttypops]

All of the children, including primary 1s had to wear ties as part of their uniform at the school I previously taught at. This was an absolute nightmare after P.E. when you were faced with 25 ties to do up! One of my Primary 4 boys had just said he wanted to learn how to do up his tie by Oct half term when the deputy head walked passed (open plan school) and asked if he had got the hang of it yet. I replied, "No, but we are going to get that tie cracked by October, aren't we X?"
About an hour later, having done no work in the intervening period, the child came up to me with a puzzled look on his face, "How are you going to crack my tie Mrs Nutty? It's soft!"

[almostthirty]

My y1 class were creating a story about willy wonker. As I was writing on the board sounding out wonker and reminding them to use their cursive handwriting I accidentally wrote willy wanker. My TA had to leave the room while I hastily crossed out and tried again.

[HumphreyCobblers]

I found one reception boy sobbing over his pink milk carton. Apparently he didn't want any milk from a 'lady cow'.

[EskSmith]

Maths questions with Year 2's. 1 girl had correct answer to something like 37+9. I pointed out to her that the question asked her to show how she worked it out. She drew me a picture of her fingers