If you could have one actual conversation with your cat what would it be?

[Breadcat24]

I would love to be able to explain to my cat that if we go on holiday we are coming back, and we love her and that nice lady will be feeding and petting you while we are gone.

In practice I would probably blow my chance with such useless things like-

Why are you always sick on the rug not the wooden floor?
Who is a pussy wussy then?
It's 5am and not breakfast time yet

What do you want to say to your cat and would they care?

I agree with wanting to explain when you go away. That someone will come and you will come back soon.
I also want to know where she goes all day. She’s in the wood behind our house but what does she see.

To boy cat - Why do you insist on kicking half the litter out your tray when you've already covered up the contents. Why do you insist on grabbing your sister by the neck with your mouth! Why at 3am do you have to claw and make biscuits on my neck and face but any other time you don't do this.
To girl cat - do you realise you're the cutest, tiniest cat in the whole of the land! She's so well behaved I don't wonder about the things she gets up to!

I would like to explain to her that her daily Dreamies limit is for her own good and that I won't be budging on it however much she wails at me and however many items she purposely knocks off the coffee table. I would also like her to know just how much I adore her and how beautiful she is, although I suspect she may already know those things

@OhshitSharon She looks just like Breadcat

Please stop eating small animals and regurgitating them. It never ends well. Oh yeah and you owe me about five grand in vet bills.

That when I need to trim the fur around her bottom, I’m not being cruel. It’s cos she’s dirty

WTF are you so mean?! We show you nothing but love and lavish care on you, and you repay us by repeatedly viciously attacking us all. You come looking for attention and then bite us when we give it to you, what is wrong with you???

Boycat:

We have plenty of food for you at home, the other people in the village are trying to feed their own cats and you aren't welcome in their homes

Why do you have to fight every cat you see every single time?

I am trying to brush you for your own good as you vomit up a fur ball every 3 days

Why do you sniff girlcat's bum all the time when you know she will hit you?

Please stop chewing my hand to show me you love me, you don't know your own strength

We do know where the cat food is stored but thank-you for pointing it out to us

I would explain about the cat flap, how it works, and that the can come back in as well as go out.

‘STOP POOING’

Why do you only love me and want to get really, REALLY close to me at 2am?

Why do you keep clawing at my new, expensive Roman blinds. Please stop immediately.

Previous cat - RIP 14 months ago - why did you leave me ?

New cat - please don't hide away , I'm nice and have dreamies 🐈

It's just a slight cold sensation on the back of your neck, it will only last a second, and it will make the horrible itchy bitey things go away.

I am not some kind of sadistic maniac who enjoys torturing you for fun.

Also (I know OP only said 1 conversation, but hey), you know those low meowing noises your skin family keep making? That's actually quite a sophisticated communication system, so there's no point in getting breakfast from one of us and then howling to the next person who gets up that you're dying of starvation.

Why do you piss on the door mats even when there is a clean litter tray nearby? Please just don't. Thanks.

Your cat dad isn’t going to kill you. You should know that after 4.5 years.

Dreamies are not a meal replacement

I love you so much!

I'd like to ask you to stop sitting on the bread board.

A bit moot now as this was 45 years ago but here goes.
'Raggy pus cat. Why the need to nick DD's nappy pins and hide them in your bed, my bed and the washing mountain'?

To GingerCat - where do you go? Where can you possibly disappear to every single night when it is time to come in?

Beautiful photos everyone, thank you for sharing!!

@Breadcat24 what has your cat written on the post it?!

I would say to one of our cats that running from the puppy is a bad idea and that he should do like the other cat and hiss / smack the puppy. 😆

I'd like to be able to tell them why I'm going to work all day because they get so neurotic about it. Other than that I'm sure we communicate very well.
I'd also ask if they can see spirits because people think they can.

@AutumnLeaves24 I think it was a letter- not sure why it looks green! We can go a game where we put down different pieces of paper (getting gradually smaller) and she will sit on them

I’d ask what the reasoning is between pouncing on my foot in the middle of the night, then immediately leaving the room for a snack. You know perfectly well I’m not going to let you back in after that but you don’t seem to mind.

Why are you so obsessed with plastic?
What's the obsession with not my cats bum?
What was your old home like?