If you could have one actual conversation with your cat what would it be?

[Breadcat24]

I would love to be able to explain to my cat that if we go on holiday we are coming back, and we love her and that nice lady will be feeding and petting you while we are gone.

In practice I would probably blow my chance with such useless things like-

Why are you always sick on the rug not the wooden floor?
Who is a pussy wussy then?
It's 5am and not breakfast time yet

What do you want to say to your cat and would they care?

I would say that whatever gets caught outside stays outside and isn’t brought into the house and mislaid under the sink FOR A WEEK before being dealt with.

I would like to explain to him that we haven't just suddenly stopped talking to him and made his favourite noisy toys silent so they're not fun anymore and turned the volume off on the TV.
I'd like to explain to him that he has gone completely deaf and we still love him and still talk to him all the time and that we are really trying with sign language and well done for seeming to understand some of it.

I took my 19 year old girl home from the SSPCA in April so I would ask what her old life was like and if she’s happy now she’s with me. All I know is that she had to be taken away from her old owner due to bad mental health 😭😭

Who do you beg for food, and then walk away and leave it when I give it to you?

Why do you run in front of me, and try to trip me up when I get up to walk in the kitchen?

Why do you throw up on my bed?

Please please stop yowling 13 hours a day. It's driving us nuts. Don't dribble over my head and put those claws away.

ExFeralCat1 - you've lived with us for many years now. I feed you, keep you warm, dry and safe. I don't bother you and have never harmed you. You sometimes bring me little gifts of things lying around the house. You love watching me and I can see that you're thinking when you do. What more can I do to make you feel safe? Will you ever trust me at all?

Why won't you let us live you? We've had you for five years since you were 13 weeks old. None of us have ever been anything but loving and gentle with you. Why do you act like we are about to beat you every time we come near?

And the explaining holidays one.

Definitely the holidays one, and asking what food she'd like.

Mostly though I would open a negotiation asking what would make her stop jumping on my head at 5.a.m.

I don't think the what food would you like convo would go down well in our house.

Girlcat: All the food, all the time!
Boycat: Crisps! And Whiskas like they serve next door!

We'd then have to have a serious conversation about diet and how we have rescued Girlcat from being a fat cat and we aren't about to go down the same route with Boycat.

Why did you go out on the lane three weeks ago my darling beautiful loyal Tom?
My heart is broken and won't ever be quite the same again.

I'd ask our 4 year old rescue girl what happened in her previous life to make her mute and so scared of everything all the time, even after 3 years of utterly quiet and boring life with us.

I would also explain to her that the catflap has a chip so there's no need to spend the whole night guarding it to stop invaders coming in!

And that trips to the vet's are always return trips!

Why did you pee on my knitting?

Awwwwwwwwwww. 😢

Why won't you sit on my knee? what have I done to upset you? You are my big fur baby and we share a home and love you so much.
Also please stop kicking cat litter everywhere you aren't drudging the Humber!

There is a children's book based on this premise called 'The day the guinea pig talked' by Paul Gallico. It's very sweet if you haven't read it to your children yet!

When you bring me your toy, is it a gift to say you love me or are you asking me to throw it for you? I always throw it and you go and fetch it, we repeat this for hours, but I do wonder if you think I'm an ungrateful cow who keeps chucking away your gifts, or if you enjoy playing fetch?

What happened to you that you ended up injured in a rescue centre at 3 months old :(

My beautiful darling black cat. I love you so much and I’m so worried about the day when your back isn’t ok. I don’t know how I’ll survive and I worry about it so much. I wanted you so much for 6 years and since the day you came to us 13 years ago, every single minute with you has been wonderful.

To my funny spotty little boy. I worry sometimes I don’t love you as much as your big brother but then when you aren’t home I feel sick till I hear you squeaking at the door. So I must love you as much, just in a different way.

That without you both my life would be a lot harder. Even if you do yell at 4am and then bite me for food 😁

This thread is beautiful and hilarious.

My first question would always be: do you know how much I love you? Do you feel loved enough? Are you happy?

And...needy I know but: DO YOU LOVE ME ❤️❤️

Oh you are absolutely loved, make no mistake.
Cats just show it in different ways.

Yes the the holidays and food preference questions! ONE conversation won't work though....

Are you unhappy at being an indoor cat after having lots of safe outdoor space in your first home? You seem quite OK but I'd really like to be sure.

Are you bored inside and how can I make living in a flat more fun for you? Do you miss me when I go to work ? You seem to as you are some meowy and frantic when I get home and it makes me feel very guilty.

Does your tummy hurt given you only poo every 2nd day and sometimes even less? Should we go to the vet again?

WHY do you have to jump on my head and walk over my pillow multiple times whenever you come to bed, especially at 4am? I know you have food down and access to water and the litter tray so please explain.

Is it biting? It’s biting, isn’t it?

If it’s biting then I’m very, very loved.

I'd ask boy cat why he dislikes girl cat so much and I'd ask girlcat why she just hates us all .

Why the bloody hell won't you use the cat door?

Would ask why you pee all over the house and also use the litter tray?

Actually yes I'd like to know why my cats hate each other so. I suspect it is just that boy cat is a dick.