Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

If you could have one actual conversation with your cat what would it be?

145 replies

Breadcat24 · 20/10/2024 12:53

I would love to be able to explain to my cat that if we go on holiday we are coming back, and we love her and that nice lady will be feeding and petting you while we are gone.

In practice I would probably blow my chance with such useless things like-

Why are you always sick on the rug not the wooden floor?
Who is a pussy wussy then?
It's 5am and not breakfast time yet

What do you want to say to your cat and would they care?

If you could have one actual conversation with your cat what would it be?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Original poster
Breadcat24 · 20/10/2024 13:47

@Gettingbysomehow Cats see aliens -it is a fact. It is usually shown by putting arse in the air and splaying out front paws then looking up waving head from side to side before a mad dash

OP posts:
bifurCAT · 20/10/2024 13:52

Why they are indoor cats. I honestly feel they miss out on so much, and I would love to explain to them why.

They're pedigree, absolutely gorgeous (so would defibitely get stolen), and we live on a busy road where cats get killed regularly, we have neighbours who 'feed steal' neighbours' cats, we have others who have lost theirs due to diseases from local cats... whole list of reasons.

They seem happy, but they also look out the window longingly, and it kills me.

imnotthatkindofmum · 20/10/2024 13:57

I would tell her that when she hovers near the door staring at other cats through the cat flap she's literally using her microchip to let other cats in which is why she thinks I don't feed her enough and that I have limited sympathy if she's gonna be so dim about it!

ArticSaviour · 20/10/2024 13:57

Where do you go all day - and often all night? How many other houses do you actually have?

Why don't you just tell the dog to shut the fuck up? You weren't scared of him before - you used to kick him out of his bed. Honestly, one swift smack on the nose from you and he will leave you alone.

bruffin · 20/10/2024 13:58

Both my cats were rescue. Would love to know their lives were before us. My first cat was from CPL and was only a kitten herself and had kittens.
My other cat turned up on our doorstep one christmas unchipped and starving

Delam · 20/10/2024 13:59

She came to us as a rescue at about 4 years old but she had been a stray so they had no history for her. She is very friendly so clearly has lived with humans before so I would ask her about her life before us, and if she has had babies as she has a very saggy belly.

crackofdoom · 20/10/2024 14:00

God, if you really could do this, then BF's poor traumatised rescue kitty could probably tell us enough about the horrible breeder she was rescued from to get him sent down for years.

SingingSands · 20/10/2024 14:01

I would ask "what is it you actually want to eat? Let me know your favourite and I'll buy it!"

TomatoSandwiches · 20/10/2024 14:02

Mine would be that he doesn't need to follow me into the kitchen and shake his but at the treat cupboard every time I go.

Em3978 · 20/10/2024 14:09

I really really can't fix the weather. If I could, I would have done it by now, especially after this last couple of summers!

In return I'd like him to tell us what's bothering him, why so grumpy sometimes, does something hurt? What? (he's an 18yr old cat on daily medicines, but sometimes we just have to guess)

Farmgoose · 20/10/2024 14:15

Why do you catch a small creature then bring it in and let it run under heavy furniture so you can spend all day frantically trying to get it back? (He sometimes catches it again after hours of waiting then promptly lets it hide again 😭).

AnnaMagnani · 20/10/2024 14:26

Girlcat:

Why are you so fucking neurotic?

Why does everything upset your bladder?

Why do you always say you want to go outside by going to the wrong door so we then have to chase you round the house?

What is your obsession with going under the duvet, including when it is 40 degrees? And why are you then scared of the duvet if we move?

You were so close to your sister for 2 years and snuggled all the time. Did you actually miss her when she died?

How did you get to be the silkiest, snuggliest, cuddliest cat in the whole wide world?

And given the above, why so fucking neurotic?

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 20/10/2024 14:47

Well I do ask Basil this question regularly, but it's a rather one-sided conversation.
'Oi Basil. What on earth is going on in your little fluffy brain?

outedbyspoons · 20/10/2024 14:52

When I go out to work leaving you in the house, or I take you to the cattery, I will always come back for you. It might be several days before I collect you from the cattery, but I will always come for you, as long as I live.

I'm sorry I left you with my mum for a year when I moved house. I was trying to spare you the upheaval and mess of decorating and, in hindsight, it was the biggest mistake I've ever made. You missed me and you'd have been fine if I'd moved you as soon as the first room was finished. I should have trusted you.

afaloren · 20/10/2024 14:54

I would ask if they know how much I love them. And tell them there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep them safe and happy apart from rehome one of them because they hate each other!

I would also ask what they think the dog is.

GoodVibesHere · 20/10/2024 14:55

Dear Cat no.1 -
"Why are you so jumpy and scared? We had you from a kitten and we've always been gentle, please trust people. And why do you run down the stairs in front of me when I'm carrying the washing basket, do you want to break my neck?"

Daer Cat no.2 -
"Why don't you understand how doors work? You use them everyday but you still wait at the wrong end of the door and look surprised when it opens by the handle end. And why do you sit in doorways? Why?"

Cattery · 20/10/2024 14:59

I’d like to say to my boy: “I know it’s hard at the moment but we are helping you to get better. We want you out and about again and the vet is hopeful. Only another nine weeks of cage rest and hopefully it’ll go quickly. You’ll be fine. We are all here for you. I love you”

AAudreyHorne · 20/10/2024 15:01

I would like to explain to my 2 cats that I haven't abandoned them, I have split up with XH and only moved a few roads away so can't take them with me as it's too close and will confuse them.
I would love them to know that they are what I miss most about life pre-split and it breaks my heart to be without them.

Oldfatandfrumpy · 20/10/2024 15:05

I'd like to know what their lives were like before we got them (they were rescues), tell them to be a bit more careful of the loud metal animals outside, and reassure them that we will love them and protect them for the rest of their lives

Underbudget · 20/10/2024 15:08

What is it about boxes?

KnittedCardi · 20/10/2024 15:09

Arthur, why are you my best friend, loving and affectionate 98% of the time, and a total wanker bastard, who attacks me and draws blood with teeth and nails, when your screw drops out, 2% of the time.

If you could have one actual conversation with your cat what would it be?
ZwarteZwaan · 20/10/2024 15:19

My previous cat, a rescue who rescued me too, RIP 2018, Where did you go when you went missing for 8 weeks which were the worst weeks of my life? Where did you live before and why did they not want you? I love you so much and will never forget you.

My current cat, a rescue cat who was apparently a “problem” cat but has been nothing but an angel and so adorable. Why are you so gentle with humans? Why do you let me touch your paws and pick you up and brush you anytime when my other cats were not like this? I genuinely think you can understand what I say anyway as you’re so clever and streetwise. What happened to you in your previous home and how can I make it up to you by giving you your best life ever? (Not that I’m not already trying to do that!) I love you so much and you’re such a darling good thing in my life.

Strawberry4Supermoon · 20/10/2024 15:22

Tell me where the pain is and how bad it is.

MathiasBroucek · 20/10/2024 15:27

Please explain the game when you ask me to chase you and then hide under the sofa where I can't go...

Okayornot · 20/10/2024 15:30

I would like my cat to know he needs to eat more slowly. He inhales his food and then pukes it all up, and so has been steadily losing weight for the last couple of years. We've finally got it under control by feeding him smaller amounts several times a day, but I need him to eat slowly even when I am not here to manage his meals in that way. What a design flaw- a creature that eats so fast he is sick, then is really hungry so eats even faster. He lacks the sense to stay alive.