If you could have one actual conversation with your cat what would it be?

[Breadcat24]

I would love to be able to explain to my cat that if we go on holiday we are coming back, and we love her and that nice lady will be feeding and petting you while we are gone.

In practice I would probably blow my chance with such useless things like-

Why are you always sick on the rug not the wooden floor?
Who is a pussy wussy then?
It's 5am and not breakfast time yet

What do you want to say to your cat and would they care?

Also to Gizmo:

• what's the obsession with getting into the store cupboard?
• why can't you jump? All cats can jump. That's what they do.
• you owe me £461 for your last vet visit.
• I'm dreading having to put Bravecto on your neck next time.

To Linney

• why do you sit in our neighbour's wheelchair house all day? It's very dusty and oily in there. You're a white cat but you look greyer and greyer, every time you come back.
• did you enjoy living in Glasgow all those years ago?
• did you mind us changing your name when you came to live with us?
• why do you let Gizmo eat your food?
• I'm sorry you don't get dry food very often now, but it upsets Gizmo's tummy so we can't leave it out
• you're very clever, because you know when we're nearly home from the vet's, as you miaow when we turn into our road
• I'm sorry about the Furminator but without it, you'd need an anaesthetic to get your back fur shaved off every year, because you can't reach it.

I would like to ask my cat why, when I spent all day yesterday reminding him, and made a point of reiterating the point last thing at night when I gave him his teeth cleaning biscuits, he still forgot about the clocks going back and was scratching at the door at 6.00 am demanding breakfast.

All I can say is, your supper time is at 6.00 tonight. My six.

Why won't you sit on MY lap??

You were a stray who had obviously been a house cat, dumped in a hotspot for cats protection to trap snip and return. Yet you are completely trusting of me and so affectionate, a lap cat that loves belly rubs and does not attack. How did you keep your trust of humans after being let down and abandoned?

I would ask my big boy why he keeps pissing on my bed and ONLY when I’m IN it

To my cat who has been home for a week after being lost for 8 weeks:

"You will never understand how much we missed you and how many hours we've spent looking for you. The best decision you ever made in your life was to walk up someone's driveway towards their ring doorbell camera. That's how we found you. We never would have given up on you."

Very outing to anyone to anyone who knows me!

I’d like to have a chat and explain that if you didn’t harass us all night you would be allowed to come into our bedroom at night. But currently being jumped on a nibbled doesn’t work for us! Also when you sit on us, digging the claws in isn’t fun so please don’t do it. And lastly, there is a mat on the floor under your cat flap, please wipe your paws on the way in and don’t tread mud etc all over the rest of the house!

I’d like to understand why he scratches at the front door until I let him in and then he goes straight back out through the cat flap. And repeat. For hours!

1. What’s the appeal of eating bees?
2. Who’s the other woman? (He comes home smelling of another woman’s perfume fairly regularly.)
3. Why am I only your #3 favourite in a house of 4 when the kids do eff all for you?
4. If we replace the sofas you’ve shredded with velvet ones what are the chances of you not shredding them too?
5. Do you miss Geoff? (Neighbour’s cat he used to go on missions with, knocked down & killed last spring.)

I would like to explain why her favourite human (DD) isn't here any more as she has gone to Uni but she misses and loves her and asks about her all the time. I would like to explain that my heart breaks too every time she comes home and then leaves again but its the right thing for her. Although we aren't DD we do love her too.
We also miss her (the cats) sister who died a couple of months ago just like she does.

I'd like to explain, with some hope of it "going in", that the bed is for ME.
It's got particularly bad this year, now the nights are cooling, with one who lies diagonally across the bed and the other pushed up against the back of my thighs - to the point where I slept in the spare room last night

And yes I know I'm completely mad, but the price they'll exact if displeased just isn't worth it

I would ask her why she always pisses on DS when he comes to visit. He woke up covered in cats pee last visit. Horrendous.

Listen little one. I know you lost your mum and I was happy to be surrogate, but please, you’re 3 years old now and suckling on my neck and digging your claws into my collarbone is really, really annoying!

Please, old man, stop looking at me with such distance! I’ve cared for you for a long time now. You know you can trust me. Would one smile hurt?

Okay girls, you’ve got to stop jumping on the table and licking the butter every time I’m buttering bread. You’re 3 years old now. I’ve been picking you up, saying no and putting you on the floor several times each day for those years. I know you’re not that stupid!

oh and number 4, shoving your face into people’s dinner plates while they’re eating is seriously rude.

🤣

Distain, not distance. Though actually, that too.

Yes, being able to explain that you will be back soon, or someone will be in to feed/fuss/sleep with them until you're back. Not being able to do that is what I find really heartbreaking about animals.
I think a lot of cats, being cats, would affect not to care even if you were able to explain that to them though

I know it's a zombie thread. But its a nice thread. I would ask my current cat where she was before we adopted her. My previous fur baby, what happened to you before we adopted you and did you know how much you were loved?

@WhereIsTheSnowItsNotHere zombie thread but still do not know how to explain when we go away

Please don't drop live mice into my bed when i'm asleep.

"I don't like it when you scratch the door to be let in- you've taken all the paint off. So I try to avoid opening the door in response to scratching as I don't want to reinforce the behaviour, but as a result of that you're scratching even more. I feel we're in a vicious circle. Can we agree some sort of non-damaging signal, eg meow? If you could do that instead, I'd leap up and open the door every time."