Dd threw the kitten.... where to go from here?

[bobndave]

Hi! Opinions please as I'm feeling really upset and guilty about this. I'm a single mum with a dd(6) and we've quite recently got a kitten after having a pair of old cats for most of her life so far. I'd have said that she was gentle and loves animals. She's a well behaved child, no issues.
Tonight though, the kitten did something that annoyed her..... stood on her picture leaving a little paw print on it. When she discovered it a few minutes later, even though the kitten was nowhere near the picture by this time, she scooped the kitten up and threw it across the room. The kitten is fine but has made a puddle near the door, presumably in fright?

Now, I know this is the season for bad behaviour as they're tired and over excited but this has really crossed a line for me. I've taken away her iPad and given a big lecture but where do I go from here? Constant supervision until she's 18? More punishment? Or just accept that she's young and needs more teaching about how to be with animals?
Would appreciate all views and have my hard hat firmly on.... thanks!!

No advice but yes, really scary behaviour. I think just keep emphasising kindness and make sure you supervise her with the kitten from now on.

Did she show any remorse?

Sort of, her eyes welled up but not sure if that was because she was in trouble rather than because she hurt the cat.

I rarely say this, but I’d rehome the kitten. You can’t watch a 6 year old all the time and can’t be sure she won’t do it again. Its just not fair on the poor thing.
Toddlers can be excused and supervised but a NT 6 year old really should understand.

If this was a dog or cat who’d bitten your daughter presumably (going by what every other parent tends to jump to when that happens) you'd be thinking about rehoming, which is a very big implication for the pet.

Your DD should, in my opinion have far more consequences. She is 6- old enough to know that what she did is very very wrong. It’s animal abuse.
Yes, you will need to keep an eye on her until she gets to an age she does not abuse the kitten. Just like you would keep a very very close eye on a pet if they’d attacked your child. As for punishment, does taking away an iPad and a lecture equate to the abuse? Hmm not sure.

Rehome the kitten.

She needs to see there are serious consequences for behaving this way.

She didn’t react in anger, she thought about it and then did this.

Id think very carefully about rehoming the cat on the ground its not safe in your home.

I would be absolutely beyond livid if dd did anything like that. I’m furious reading about it tbh.

If you can’t ensure absolutely for the rest of the cat’s life that your dd will never do anything similar then you should rehome.

I'm not sure ongoing punishment is the way to go. She may just resent the kitten more! I know MN loves its punishment as the answer to all bad behaviour but it's not necessarily helpful as a longer term consequence. I would encourage empathy with the kitten (and in general, talking about feelings etc) and don't leave her alone with it at any point!

Wow that's bad op.
I would be gutted tbh.
In your shoes I would ask her how she can make it up to dcat. And ask her how she would feel if a friend had hurt her on purpose.
Offer up the chance to make ammends or think of rehoming...
Girls of 6 may be appealing to some....

I would spend time together with her, and the kitten, doing something loving like feeding treats or stroking. And during this time talk again (but calmly) about how tiny and fragile it is and how to be very careful around it. I’d gauge her reaction from that to decide what to do next.

I would also be extremely cautious from now on. I can see why you’re so concerned.

Rehome the kitten. You're very fortunate it didn't hit it's head and die or break a bone. She clearly isn't old enough to be left with it, poor little creature.

I would also rehome the kitten. And don’t get any more pets.

Is she generally angry about something?

I'd also rehome the kitten, poor thing must have been terrified.

And get the kitten checked out by a vet asap, could have Internal injuries.

I think you’ve handled it well so far, I’d nowxx be asking where this behaviour came from. I’d ask dd if she’d seen anyone else behave like that towards any animal.

And no, I wouldn’t rehome at the moment.

REHOME THE KITTEN!

Taking away her ipad is a punishment more suited to drawing on the walls or being unkind to a friend not for throwing a defenceless animal.

The fact that she actively sought out the kitten to then throw it suggests some degree of premeditation and I would not be able to trust her. At 6 she is more than old enough to know that sort of behaviour is completely unacceptable and its not fair on the kitten to allow it to remain in a home where it is likely to be subjected to more harm in future.

Rehome the kitten for the kitten's safety. I wouldn't allow your dd near it again, so best to contact a cat shelter asap and ask them to help find a responsible owner.

Rehome the kitten.

It's an absolute disgrace there isn't serious consequences for your daughter. Six is old enough to know how to interact with animals and frankly it tells me a lot about you a parent.

Do not get another animal unless you teach your daughter how to treat animals.

I ask as I was an angry kid and it was to do with not being able to say how I felt to anyone and feeling powerless. Is there anything else going on?

Rehome the kitten.
6 is old enough to know right from wrong and you're not sure she's sorry for her actions or sorry she's in trouble.
How can you police her behaviour and a kitten all the time. What happens if she seriously hurts it?

Your daughter probably acted by instinct not in cruelty but perhaps she's not grown up enough yet to be trusted with a pet.

If, as I suspect you will, keep the kitten, watch your daughter like a hawk and don't allow any time with the kitten alone. Children don't necessarily learn to empathise at the same rates and this kitty is a living thing who deserves to feel safe.

That is scary. Perhaps find some videos on animal cruelty to jolt her into reality? Talk to her and try to ascertain whether she knows how dangerous and cruel throwing the kitten was. If not, you would probably be best rehoming.

Wow so many people saying rehome? Thanks for your opinions, I'll have a really serious think about that.

Don't panic. At 6, they are only just fully understanding that other people/animals have minds and feelings, just like they do. This idea - the theory of the mind - starts to develop around 2y, but takes years to mature. Your DD certainly knew what she did was wrong (assuming she is NT), so you are right to punish her. But she won't have understood it in the way an adult would - that the kitten could have been killed. Think of what kids this age are like with siblings - it's no holds barred, but they very rarely have any intention of truly hurting the sibling - the problem is that they have a poorly developed sense of the boundary between play/acceptable violence (rough-housing) and harmful violence.

You have punished her appropriately. I would now focus on helping her developing empathy. Get her to think about how big she is compared to a kitten. How would she feel if a huge elephant or dinosaur picked her up and threw her? I would also encourage her to think about the difference between when people do something wrong/mean deliberately vs not understanding - so the difference between you (say) standing on her painting, vs the kitten.