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Original poster

Dd threw the kitten.... where to go from here?

246 replies

bobndave · 19/12/2019 19:27

Hi! Opinions please as I'm feeling really upset and guilty about this. I'm a single mum with a dd(6) and we've quite recently got a kitten after having a pair of old cats for most of her life so far. I'd have said that she was gentle and loves animals. She's a well behaved child, no issues.
Tonight though, the kitten did something that annoyed her..... stood on her picture leaving a little paw print on it. When she discovered it a few minutes later, even though the kitten was nowhere near the picture by this time, she scooped the kitten up and threw it across the room. The kitten is fine but has made a puddle near the door, presumably in fright?

Now, I know this is the season for bad behaviour as they're tired and over excited but this has really crossed a line for me. I've taken away her iPad and given a big lecture but where do I go from here? Constant supervision until she's 18? More punishment? Or just accept that she's young and needs more teaching about how to be with animals?
Would appreciate all views and have my hard hat firmly on.... thanks!!

OP posts:
Memoriesmemories · 19/12/2019 20:15

The kitten could have been killed (although I'm absolutely certain your daughter did not intend this). Whichever way you look at it, it's animal cruelty. All kids can make mistakes but you really need to be very vigilant from now on and make it very very clear she does not treat the kitten in this way.

KurriKurri · 19/12/2019 20:15

Absolutely no need to call the OP's DD awful or call her names. yes she did something that as adults we see as horrible, but she is a little girl, a child. She made a mistake. Some 6 yr olds will have a very good idea of how this is worng and would never do it, others are more immature, less empathetic and less in control of their impulses. A child of 6 will not necessarily understand that a kitten is not as robust as it may seem when it is climbing all over the furniture and jumping off things.

please dont let people on here imply your DD is beyond all redemption OP, she is a child and should have consequences as a child, don't over do it and make her think she is a terrible person.

Talk to her tomorrow, tell her you have taken kitty to the vet and he is Ok but he could have been badly injured. Personally i would rehome the kitten as others would, but don;t tell her in anger, talk to her in terms of what would be the best thing to do for kitty, say that animals can sometimes do things by accident that are annoying and that can be hard for children to deal with. meantime you think it would be safest and best for kitty if he went to live with a family of grown ups or older children.

Clymene · 19/12/2019 20:16

The kitten deserves to live in a home where it is treated with respect.

If the child actually wanted the kitten, this is a much better lesson than taking away an iPad.

It was w horrible, cruel thing to do and she doesn't deserve to have a kitten. And I would tell my kids that if they ever did anything like that. I come down like a ton of bricks if they even shout at pets.

Littlemeadow123 · 19/12/2019 20:17

Absolutely no tolerance. I'd ground her for the xmas holidays, any special treats she had coming up would be happening. Maybe not rehome the kitten this time but if anything happens a 2nd time I would be giving it serious consideration.

I'd also maybe frighten her. Tell her that the kitten is going to be rehomed. Over the next day or two have a couple of pretend conversations with the people wanting to adopt it. Bag up the kitten's stuff ready to leave etc and once she is looking really remorseful and you know it is sincere then let her know that it was all pretend but if it happens again the kitten WILL be going to someone who can treat it nicely.

XXcstatic · 19/12/2019 20:17

This wasn’t a split second impulse, she was mad and then went to find the kitten to hurt it

Two separate questions: can OP protect the kitten, and is the OP's DD a psychopath-in-training?

Young children lack the maturity to deal with animals unsupervised. An adult cat (unless very old) can usually protect itself by running away or clawing/biting. A small kitten can't. If the OP cannot keep the kitten safe, it may need to be re-homed.

Is the DD's behaviour a sign of incipient psychopathy? No, despite what half the posters on here would have you believe. 6 year olds do things to other children - and themselves - that are potentially harmful all the time. If a 6 year old ran onto a busy road or train track, would everyone say she was suicidal? If she whacked her brother in annoyance and happened to give him a black eye, would you report her to the police? Children can understand things are wrong, but still do them impulsively and without a full appreciation of the consequences.

81Byerley · 19/12/2019 20:17

I would definitely rehome the kitten. You can't be there all the time, and the kitten will be frightened of her. It isn't fair to keep it.

Littlemeadow123 · 19/12/2019 20:19

And to the people saying the kitten will be ok because cats always land on their feet, this ability does not make them bionic. They may land on their feet but falling or being thrown a distance can still cause damage.

Elephantshoe · 19/12/2019 20:20

Maybe ask vet neighbour to keep kitten until new year when you can responsibly re-home the kitten. Christmas is an awful time to re-home animals.

19:57bobndave
A kitten was flung from afar
To be fair this is exaggerating what happened a bit, it wasn't a hard, violent throw across the room.

You did however describe the event as:
...she scooped the kitten up and threw it across the room.

I don't think anyone is exaggerating. I think you're being purposefully pedantic insofar as "across the room" Vs "flung from afar", which it is for a kitten.

Re-home the cat and give it a few years before you get another. Neither you nor your DD are ready.

It was a mild annoyance which your daughter overreacted too... One which could have killed the kitten. Please think of the kittens needs over your own.

SmileCheese · 19/12/2019 20:21

Children can understand things are wrong, but still do them impulsively and without a full appreciation of the consequences.

The whole point that the poster you quoted and others, myself included have tried to make is that this wasn't impulsive. By actively seeking out the kitten to cause it harm her behaviour was premeditated.

I'm not saying that makes the OP's daughter a psychopath in training but I am saying it is very concerning behaviour and not typical of how a child would normally react in such a situation.

koshkat · 19/12/2019 20:22

FGS OP rehome the kitten asap. This is a complete no brainer.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 19/12/2019 20:23

A paw print ?
A fucking paw print ?
And she didn't just push the kitten off the paper - she actively found it and threw it Angry

OP your DD is lucky she's not mine .. Mine would get a slap if they ever thought animal cruelty was acceptable and this is what it is ( and no I don;t give a shiney shite if anyone doesn't approve )

My adult male cat (not the female one ) has left muddy pawprints on my bed , my sofa and my floor .

If my DD wants to do homework that is not hampered by the cats she shuts her door .

Take that poor little soul for a check up then rehome it . And I never approve of re-homing .

buddhababy2019 · 19/12/2019 20:24

Absolutely horrified reading this - poor little cat! I agree with the other pps who have said the animal should be rehomed as the child clearly cannot be trusted around it. People may be trying to defend her but what happens if her mother was to have another baby and she was jealous or the crying was annoying her? Scary!

StoneColdSaidSo · 19/12/2019 20:25

Sorry op but I agree with others this is worrying behaviour. I have 3 dc. We got a kitten when my twins were 2 years old and dd was 5. We then fostered a puppy when they were 4 and dd was 7. All the dc understood that they were not to be rough with the animals. Even when they were 2 they understood being gentle. They would never throw or intentionally hurt an animal. Unless you can be sure it will never happen again, or worse something more serious, you need to rehome the kitten.

toodlethenoodle · 19/12/2019 20:25

@xx So it's okay what happened to the kitten because meat eaters do worse to other animals every day... seriously???

Sleepthiefismyfavourite · 19/12/2019 20:25

So you would punish violence with violence @70isalimitnotatarget? Hmm

Honeyroar · 19/12/2019 20:26

I’m a huge animal lover, have a house full of rescues,and would have gone bloody mad if I’d seen my child do that (they’d have bloody wet themselves too!). But I don’t think instant rehoming is definitely the only solution at the moment. I’d be seriously monitoring the child and not allowing her alone with the kitten, while continuing talking to her about how she frightened the kitten and could have really hurt it, plus keep telling her that the kitten will have to go to someone who can care for it properly if there is so much of a thought of being nasty to the kitten. I’d tell her that she needs to show that’s she’s sorry a a big enough girl to own a kitten if the kitten is to stay. Her behaviour and reaction will tell you whether the kitten needs reforming or not. And in the meantime, the kitten needs a lot of reassuring (without the nasty child around) and kindness - it’s only a baby.

ilovesooty · 19/12/2019 20:27

I'm still wondering where the kitten was acquired from. It's certainly had a terrifying experience at the hands of this child.

happycamper11 · 19/12/2019 20:27

My advice would be to get the vet friend to have a chat with dd and explain what could happen to the kitten if this were to happen again. From what you say it's out of character so I'd give one more chance before rehoming, watching them like a hawk whenever they are in close proximity. I don't think you need to enlist a child psychiatrist just yet. Of course it's abhorrent what she did but you know this so not sure why people are giving you such a hard time when you're asking for advice on how where to go from here (even if that does mean rehoming)

chillykiwi · 19/12/2019 20:28

You need to rehome the kitten.

81Byerley · 19/12/2019 20:28

@Littlemeadow123, I really don't agree. Saying "if you do anything like that again we will get rid of the kitten", is wrong. So you'd be willing for the poor little thing to be hurt again? It isn't like saying "If you draw on the wall again, you won't have a bedroom of your own any more".

TryingToBeBold · 19/12/2019 20:30

I only wanted to comment the same as you @Devereux1

Rehome the child kitten

Problem is the crime has been done. Punishing (if more than taking the iPad away etc) should really have been done tonight. I know you were thinking on it..but any punishment tomorrow will have lost its reasoning.

XXcstatic · 19/12/2019 20:31

The whole point that the poster you quoted and others, myself included have tried to make is that this wasn't impulsive. By actively seeking out the kitten to cause it harm her behaviour was premeditated

The OP says that her DD acted as soon as she discovered the footprint on the painting. Where does the OP say that the DD had to seek out the kitten? It wasn't still standing on the painting, but presumably it was still in the same room, otherwise the OP would not have been able to witness both her DD's discovery of the footprint, and her DD's reaction.

Thinkingabout1t · 19/12/2019 20:32

OP, could anyone have been hurting or frightening DD? I’m thinking of bullying, or inappropriate touching - something she’s been warned not to tell you about. She may have hurt a harmless little creature because she had been hurt, and was bottling up enormous anger.

I’m no expert - this just reminds me of a child I knew when I was a child. The bad behaviour made sense when the abuse came out, ages later. Maybe speak to doctor or child psychologist?

Strawberrycreamsundae · 19/12/2019 20:32

..she scooped the kitten up and threw it across the room and now the OP's minimising by saying it was only a metre?
What are you waiting to happenOP? Your DD to kick it because it scratched her or pounced on her toes?

Utter sickening reading this thread, take some parental responsibility fgs.

managedmis · 19/12/2019 20:32

She's too young to have a cat. Simple. No armchair analysis necessary

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