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Original poster

Dd threw the kitten.... where to go from here?

246 replies

bobndave · 19/12/2019 19:27

Hi! Opinions please as I'm feeling really upset and guilty about this. I'm a single mum with a dd(6) and we've quite recently got a kitten after having a pair of old cats for most of her life so far. I'd have said that she was gentle and loves animals. She's a well behaved child, no issues.
Tonight though, the kitten did something that annoyed her..... stood on her picture leaving a little paw print on it. When she discovered it a few minutes later, even though the kitten was nowhere near the picture by this time, she scooped the kitten up and threw it across the room. The kitten is fine but has made a puddle near the door, presumably in fright?

Now, I know this is the season for bad behaviour as they're tired and over excited but this has really crossed a line for me. I've taken away her iPad and given a big lecture but where do I go from here? Constant supervision until she's 18? More punishment? Or just accept that she's young and needs more teaching about how to be with animals?
Would appreciate all views and have my hard hat firmly on.... thanks!!

OP posts:
DidILeaveTheGasOn · 19/12/2019 20:33

Horrified. I have a six year old and a 18-year old cat. I trust my kid implicitly with my cat. Six is old enough to know.

Think what the op is dealing with, or rather not dealing with judging by the ostentatious departure from the thread, is a potentially rather spoilt kid who doesn't have to face up to real consequences, and doesn't have to think about the feelings of others (people or animals).

My kid is the most empathetic human being I know. No way would she take out a brief flash of spoiled temper on a tiny animal. If my cat were a kitten, my daughter would probably have us tiptoeing around the house, lest we wake the kitten from its slumber, and would approach the kitten with treats reverentially. As is only right and proper.

Poor kitten and poor kid.

Yarboosucks · 19/12/2019 20:34

I cannot imagine a 6 year old throwing / tossing a kitten any distance. That would be great cause for concern for me I am afraid. Best case is your DD is very spoilt and therefore lacks empathy or she has some serious anger issues. Either way, you need to take action. Rehoming the kitten would seem to be the best and most appropriate course of action.

managedmis · 19/12/2019 20:34

OP your DD is lucky she's not mine .. Mine would get a slap if they ever thought animal cruelty was acceptable and this is what it is ( and no I don;t give a shiney shite if anyone doesn't approve )

^

Do we see the irony here? Apparently not.

XXcstatic · 19/12/2019 20:35

So it's okay what happened to the kitten because meat eaters do worse to other animals every day... seriously???

Er no, and I didn't say that. Animal abuse is wrong in all contexts, and I have never suggested otherwise.

What I did say is that some of you are massive hypocrites. Getting off on telling the OP her 6 year old child is "not normal" or "disturbed" when you are - if you eat meat - responsible for far more animal cruelty than her DD.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 19/12/2019 20:36

Sleep I'm not getting into a debate about how I raise my children. My business . (They are 17 and 20 now)

But my DC have never thrown an animal so Ill thank you to keep your Hmm face ,

Topseyt · 19/12/2019 20:36

Six year olds are perfectly capable of understanding that throwing an animal is very wrong.

I would withdraw all Christmans presents (having told her right now that that was what I would be doing and why). I would also tell her that early in the New Year the kitten will be sent to a new home because she has shown herself to be untrustworthy around it. See what her reaction is, but in the meantime never leave her unsupervised with the kitten. If she is going to behave like a toddler than you will have to treat her like one.

mrssunshinexxx · 19/12/2019 20:37

As a huge cat lover Reading that made me cry it was so scared it wet itself :( you obviously can't get rid of the child so please rehome the cat ASAP to a lovely home. Next time she could squeeze it and it could be a lot worse

furrymulesandPJs · 19/12/2019 20:37

I'd read her the riot act and make sure she is not allowed near the kitten again unsupervised until she makes it clear she has understood what she has done. FWIW, if she is generally sensitive and caring towards animals, I think this is likely to be a one off but it is not acceptable and she needs to realise that the poor kitten is probably terrified of her now.

i myself am sesnitive and an animal lover, very far from being a cold hearted sociopath but I too, cringe as I remember as a child handling one of our pets quite roughly and scarign the poor thing in the process. I learned the effects of what I had done and would never repeat such behaviour. I was dealing with some abuse at the time and was emotionally in a bad place but I know it was wrong and potentially damaging to the poor animal.

Kids need to learn empathy and be told to consider how vulnerable a pet (especially a tiny kitten) can be.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/12/2019 20:37

The kitten needs a new home. Your daughter is old enough to know better and no punishment is going to be enough. Hurt an animal and lose digital privileges? Nope. She clearly can't be trusted around the kitten and he deserves a decent life. He will end up living in fear as I am sure she will do something again.

I accidentally punched my cat the other day (she jumped up when I was reaching down) and was absolutely mortified. Obviously I am an adult but even my 18 month old niece knows that we should always be kind to animals.

Josette77 · 19/12/2019 20:38

Rehome the kitten. She could have killed it. Very concerning behaviour.

FuriousFlannels · 19/12/2019 20:38

The irony was not lost on me, @managedmis

Nor the wider irony of people suggesting an angry response to a living creature that did something they think is wrong.

Not much difference between a child venting her anger on a kitten and an adult venting their anger on a child, imo. And some people on here are doing just that, frothing at the mouth for the child to be punished vs thinking about what might best encourage better behaviour and compassion in the future.

XXcstatic · 19/12/2019 20:39

Six year olds are perfectly capable of understanding that throwing an animal is very wrong

Sigh. Understanding that something is wrong is not the same as fully understanding the potential consequences. That is why the age of criminal responsibility is not 6. Has anyone suggested that the DD did not know what she was doing was wrong, or that she should not be punished?

MNHQ
EstherMumsnet · 19/12/2019 20:39

We understand that this is an emotive subject but we think that you have made your opinions clear to OP who has also come on to say you have given her food for thought, and we'd like to ensure this doesn't become one big pile-on, so if you could bear this in mind when posting that would be great.

Supersimkin2 · 19/12/2019 20:40

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FthisS · 19/12/2019 20:40

If you are in pembrokeshire I will gladly take the kitten.

FuriousFlannels · 19/12/2019 20:41

She needs to experience that response, including fear and pain.

Fucking hell.

MitziK · 19/12/2019 20:42

This is how I ended up with DTwatCat #2. The child concerned was a bit younger than this one, but the original owner took one look at what her child was doing and, because she'd already got one son who had never done anything so appalling to an animal, the poor little thing was being brought round to me and I was being asked to please take the kitten now.

I hope the iPad gets permanently rehomed, too.

BewilderedOwl · 19/12/2019 20:42

Your kitten peed itself in fright because of your daughters actions.
You have then minimised your daughters actions by saying oh it was only a metre and kitten landed on its feet.
You have then started to blame posters for the responses about a innocent kitten being thrown...
Your daughter who is old enough to know what's right and wrong, chucked a kitten... does it really matter how far? Also you have admitted that she welled up but weren't sure if it was her actions or the fact she was in trouble....
Rehome.

gypsywater · 19/12/2019 20:43

Theres always a couple of apologists arent there...

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 19/12/2019 20:43

My kids have never had pets, one of them is 6. We recently got 2 kittens. The 6 year old is fully aware, and slightly wary of the (extremely good natured) kittens. They won't even step in when the kittens are getting a bit rough and play fighting (when I do pick one up and carefully put one of them out of the room with an under arm gentle toss).

Even when the kittens try to grab them when they're having their mad half hour and a child goes to stroke them (we're not encouraging play fighting with a person's hand), the kids pull their arm back, not hit out at the kittens.

You need to not just punish, but find out what was going through her head, and why, so you can judge if the kitten is safe, and what to do - because you can't be with her all the time, you have to be able to trust her, and at the moment, you really can't.

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/12/2019 20:44

6 is still really young. Though she is old enough to know it’s not something she should do she is young enough that the potential consequences will not be clear to her and young enough to have difficulty with impulse control. So long term the answer is more teaching about how to be with animals. More severe punishment will do nothing to make her treat animals better, though it might appease some strangers on the Internet.

However, I’m with others on this thread who say to rehome the kitten. It’s not going to get less annoying for quite a while, your daughter is clearly not mature enough yet to be around it unsupervised but you also can’t realistically supervise her closely all the time. And doing so also demonstrates to your daughter the care with which we need to treat animals.

Scbchl · 19/12/2019 20:44

No I dont think you can excuse that as her being young. My ds is 6 we got our puppy (a chihuahua so a little dog) when he was one and he is so gentle and loving with her and knows fine well we dont hurt or throw animals and she would know that too having had older cats.

I'd keep a very close eye on her and the kitten together, dont leave her alone with it. And if she shows even the slightest unkindness towards it again, rehome it.

You have done the right thing with regards to her punishment.

londonrach · 19/12/2019 20:44

Agree with every rehome the child. That poor kitten. You need to watch your dd very carefully. My three year knows to be careful of babies since 2 or even younger. Might be worth talking to gp about why your dd so angry.

XXcstatic · 19/12/2019 20:45

some people on here are doing just that, frothing at the mouth for the child to be punished vs thinking about what might best encourage better behaviour and compassion in the future

Exactly. Compassion and empathy are learnt behaviours. Anyone claiming that their 6 year old would never do anything like this hasn't spent much time around 6 year olds. They might not all do what the OP's DD did, but I doubt there is a 6 year old alive who hasn't done something mean and potentially dangerous to another child or a pet.

Dancingbea · 19/12/2019 20:46

Wow. Poor OP. Asks sensibly for some advice about a difficult situation involving a young child who is still learning. Basically gets told she should slap her child and cancel Christmas. Hmm

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