new job ... do i need to rehome my dog?

[dogdayblues]

i'm in a quandary - and would really welcome some perspective on what to do. (have namechanged for this.)

we've had our rescue dog for 3.5 years. he's great - easygoing, well behaved etc. but for almost the whole time we've had him (me and two teenage DDs, no partner), i've worked from home. so have always been here to walk him. i worked away for 2 days a week at the start, but paid for him to have overnight care during that time, which was essential, but obviously expensive.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do. i've just got a job for 3 days a week, which might expand out into more, and will almost certainly require evening events.

i honestly don't know how i can manage - financially or logistically - going out to work again and caring for the dog. i can't expect the DDs to take on responsibility for him - they need to prioritise school work and their own activities, plus the eldest will be away to uni after the summer. and i'm honestly not earning enough to pay for a dogwalker 3 days a week.

i keep thinking i just need to bite the bullet and rehome him, which is heartbreaking, but then feel so awful for him and all of us.

thoughts welcome.

Is your dog okay to be left alone, and is it just the walking? Because it may not be that expensive to have a dog walker, especially if he is okay to be walked in a group with other dogs. I pay £12-13ish for an hour's walk at lunchtime on days when I need it, and although it is an expense, I can think of ways I could save £36-39 elsewhere in my budget. If he can't be left home alone and/or would need taking out multiple times a day, I can see that it would be more of an issue in terms of cost and your dog's wellbeing (mine sleeps literally all day but he is practically a cat).

What a horrible situation to find yourself in.

My first thought is Borrow My Doggy - I've never used it, but it might be somewhere to start.

When my SIL went back to work, she was able to find some near neighbours who were getting a bit elderly, didn't want another dog of their own (too much of a tie) but who were more than happy to come over in the middle of the day and take her dog out for a walk several days a week - I think they might even have had her in their house some of the time.

Could you pay whichever DD is at home to walk the dog in the evening when you're not around? Alternatively, are there reliable local teenagers who'd do it? A lot of teens are very keen to earn a bit of cash - I have two I can call on.

thank you @BarnacleBeasley you are right, it's not hugely expensive, but adds up to close to £200 a month - which is a lot for me. i always feel like i'm scrimping already! some of it is the cost, some of it is the constant logistics - e.g. needing to get home at a certain time, worry about the dogwalker not being available. it sounds a bit pathetic, i know, but this job feels like something of a last chance for me (i'm in my 50s) and i feel i really need to give it my all. when the DDs were little i'd need to leave the house before 8 to drop them at breakfast club, then leave work on the dot of 5 to collect them at 6 from afterschool and it feels like it would be a return to those days, but worse in a way.

It sounds to me like you are asking for permission to rehome your dog. And that is absolutely fine.

Do your daughters walk or care for the dog at all? If they don’t, then I would rehome. If they do, then speak to them and tell them they need to help more or the dog will have to be rehomed.

@EdithStourton thank you, these are sensible ideas. i worry about the longer term situation - even when i want to go away for a weekend (or an evening event) it can be really tricky to line things up.

the DDs are fond of the dog, but live for some of the week at their dad's, and the one who isn't going to uni has endless sports activities (most evenings a week).

i feel pretty terrible about it all and just can't work out whether i'm being ridiculous about a dog (our dog), need to get a grip or need to prioritise my career, finances and my children's schooling. (i have made awful decisions in the past and worry about adding to these rather than thinking clearly about what actually needs to be done.)

My friend uses Borrow my doggie and it’s working really well for her. Maybe try something like but I suppose you’d need to trust them going into your home.

thank you @UpUpUpU yes, you are right. i think i am asking for permission.

i've had conversations with DDs before about asking them to step up and help with caring for the dog. they do sometimes - in that they'll come home from school and let him in the garden but neither of them walk him ever. (they'll walk him with me, in fairness.)

younger DD has said she'll help more, but i honestly don't know how she'll fit it in and i don't want to put that responsibility on her. it needs to be my decision, not one that i make because of her iyswim.

There is no one right answer and it depends on your dog and your situation. Mine could not be left regularly, dog sitting with a well loved friend etc is an occasional thing.

To me, I made a commitment when we took on a rescue dog with abandonment issues that I would make choices which kept my dog’s welfare paramount for their lifetime. It does affect which jobs I can apply for etc.

If we had a dog who was happy to be in a “doggy daycare” or to be left for a few hours a day, that would be different. You know your dog and if they will be happy in a situation or not.

The most important thing for me is that our dogs don’t have agency to make decisions, so we need to consider their well-being when we make our decisions and not just hope they’ll fit in with what we want.

I'm afraid I would rehome the dog and would feel OK about doing so. I see lots and lots of modern dog owners practising what I would consider cruelty quite a lot, even if it is considered normal now- taking dogs to cafes and into town centres etc, ie forcing them into a human lifestyle. There is zero cruelty imo in identifying that you are struggling to provide the care you would like to for your dog, and arranging for them to have care elsewhere.

@Thesnoozingsighthound i absolutely admire your approach, and it is one that i would be glad to follow. however, i am in a situation where i don't have many choices around work - i need to support myself and my children and while i enjoyed the freedom of working from home as a freelance (and it's of course enabled me to look after the dog extremely well) i've found that it's very limiting for me as a person, financially and for my future.

it's so difficult. i am torn; am struggling to reconcile the commitment i made to the dog with my wellbeing and that of my children.

@PermanentTemporary yes, that feels true - i know i would be struggling (to the point of impossibility) to provide the home and care that the dog has enjoyed so far. he's been my near constant companion for the past few years; in april, i won't be at home for at least 3 days a week. this is about my needs too, of course, but it's also about him and how his days would pan out.

I know someone who had two Jack Russels she was with them most of the time and walked them twice daily. Unfortunately she was made redundant and had to move for the new job and she was out all day (6hours).

The dogs appeared settled but after a while she received a noise complaint from the council, on checking, it appears the dogs were barking all day long if anyone walked by on the pavement.

She did rehome them through Dogs Trust and the new homes were perfect for the dogs. She was told the type of home they went to etc.

She was very distressed at having to do it but it helped that it was best for the dogs.

Good luck it is not an easy decision.

I think for me it depends on the dog. How happy are they to be left?
Age and breed? An old greyhound may be less bothered than a young collie.

Also how likely they are to be rehomed is a factor. Languishing in kennels for years isn’t better than sitting in a home environment.

Its not a one size fits all I don’t think.

I think you want to rehome the dog and as PPs have said, it's okay to make that decision in your and the dog's best interests. Please do go through a rescue though as they can make sure that the dog is going to a suitable home.

However, there are a couple of middle-ground options: if you accept that you may need to rehome the dog, you don't have to do it straight away, so you could trial the new working arrangement and whatever dog care you can arrange and see how it is working before you decide. Also, a dog who has had company for a long time (and would still have you four out of seven days a week) may actually be more confident alone than you think, because he will feel secure and confident in your house already.

How old is the dog?

@Anonimouze of course, i absolutely don't want him to languish in kennels, that would be unbearable. i think he could readily be rehomed - i don't want to give too many details, but he's sweet-natured and easy, very good company and generally a cutiepie.

it's not getting any clearer, thinking about this. it's hard to imagine life without him, but also fairly horrendous imagining how things will pan out once i start work.

@BarnacleBeasley this is very sensible and clear-headed, thank you.

i am thinking i should test how the new working life goes for a month or two - although this runs smack into both DDs exam seasons, which i really don't want to derail with dogcare issues (and my inevitable stress around this).

i would 100% go through a rescue - he's from dog's trust and i would go via them (am obliged to by the agreement i made with them when we took him on).

i will see his usual dog walker today (he's been there for the weekend) and talk to him about the situation.

@BarnacleBeasley oh, he's 6, nearly 7.

OP, if you need to rehome him, you need to rehome him. Don't crucify yourself for making what will be the best decision for all of you. Money worries can be incredibly grinding and they really limit how flexible you can be.

If you can find a helpful neighbour, then excellent. If you can't, it sounds as if he would easily find another home. Dogs are, for the most part, highly adaptable creatures. He sounds like the sort of dog a lot of people would love to own - no issues, no tiresome puppy state to struggle through...

I’m starting to think there must be some mileage in a service whereby people like me who lost their dog fairly recently but don’t want to get another just yet, could pair up with people like the OP whose circumstances have changed and they need a daytime dog sitter! I work from home permanently and would love a bit of company during the day and a reason to get out for a walk at lunchtime. I’d happily have a dog here during the day then hand them back to their owners when they get home.

@dogdayblues in terms of away nights/weekend, please look at Trusted Housesitters. We use them whenever we are away and have done for years: save for an annual fee there's no cost and no usage limit. Also look into doing what friends of ours have done - they dog share, having their pup 3-4 days a week based on their work and their co-owners. Borrow my doggy also a good shout.

Honestly, that is a genius idea! I had some friends who couldn't bear to get another dog for a couple of years after their lurcher died, but they really missed having a dog.

Sorry, I'm going to be the one to ask.. did you not consider this when you got the dog? Rehoming him would be heartbreaking for him, it would have to be a very extreme set of circumstances for that to have to happen I think. There are so many websites for finding people to look after your dog, and can you not find any friends who work from home who might want a companion sometimes? Did your children ask for a dog? If so, they definitely should be stepping up to look after him as well.

I think you need to just work to find a solution here. Sitting in a kennel having been abandoned by the person he trusted most should be last resort.

Your post has made me really angry! Why would you accept a job which is completely incompatible with your current responsibilities towards your job.
Of coarse you shouldn't rehome your dogs because of your wants! How cruel. You shouldn't have taken on this job without first finding an acceptable solution for your dogs care. It's not their fault!
I suggest you start looking for solutions rather than kicking two innocent dogs out of your household!

Thanks @EdithStourton Personally I think it would work quite well. I don’t want to foster as I like having my weekends free but a Monday-Friday day time dog sitting arrangement would be perfect. And it would save a dog being home alone for hours.

Peoples circumstances do change, and sometimes that just can't be helped. I personally would do whatever I could to make it work, dog walker etc, DDs helping (but I made sure everyone in the house was 100% on board with getting a dog, and all it entailed, before I went ahead - for this very reason), I can understand from your situation why you think they may not be in a position to help. All I would say though.....

"provide the home and care that the dog has enjoyed so far. he's been my near constant companion for the past few years..."

There is no guarantee that your dog will get this from someone else once he's rehomed. AND he won't be with his people anymore. So from his perspective, staying with you, in less than ideal circumstances, may be better for him.

The only possible way to try to ensure it is to rehome through a rescue that does not rehome to people working out of the home...but even then, people lie.