new job ... do i need to rehome my dog?

[dogdayblues]

i'm in a quandary - and would really welcome some perspective on what to do. (have namechanged for this.)

we've had our rescue dog for 3.5 years. he's great - easygoing, well behaved etc. but for almost the whole time we've had him (me and two teenage DDs, no partner), i've worked from home. so have always been here to walk him. i worked away for 2 days a week at the start, but paid for him to have overnight care during that time, which was essential, but obviously expensive.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do. i've just got a job for 3 days a week, which might expand out into more, and will almost certainly require evening events.

i honestly don't know how i can manage - financially or logistically - going out to work again and caring for the dog. i can't expect the DDs to take on responsibility for him - they need to prioritise school work and their own activities, plus the eldest will be away to uni after the summer. and i'm honestly not earning enough to pay for a dogwalker 3 days a week.

i keep thinking i just need to bite the bullet and rehome him, which is heartbreaking, but then feel so awful for him and all of us.

thoughts welcome.

I think you should pay the extra £200 for the dog sitter or whatever. You should stand by your commitment to your dog when you took them home

@Springsunflower i know he is grateful, i absolutely do. and i know some of how his life was before.

@Knickknacketty yes, i appreciate that is what many people do, and i honestly admire and respect that. this is pretty difficult for me, right now.

yes, maybe i am looking for people to make me feel better, but more than that i'm looking for some perspectives and guidance, which people have been very generous in offering. it's tough. i am glad to hear of other people's experiences and views; they are really helpful.

We did this with our previous dog and it was a game changer.

We could leave ours all day and feel 100% confident she'd be happy under the duvet or on the chair because she is such a relaxed stress free individual but we never do.

I would try the dog flap.

Your teenage daughters absolutely can step up for this. There is no reason that they can't. And if they have to curtail or change some of their extra curricular then so be it. And a break from exam revision for a walk with the dog is a good thing. Your oldest will be on study leave soon anyway and so there will be someone at home with the dog again and then she will have the long summer holidays off.
It's ridiculous to say teenagers cant play a part here - you are teaching them responsibility.

Wow ! 3 + years of loyal companionship and now at almost 7 years old it's time to get rid.
and of course 7 year old dogs are so much easier to rehome than 3 year old ones - not !

A dog is for life, not just for Christmas, was a motto from The Dogs Trust
how ironic...

I think you need to have a serious chat with DCs and say that unless they can step up (obviously not the older once she goes to uni) then the dog will need to be rehomed
it sounds like any sort of travel will be more sporadic than regular so might end up being a bit more manageable than you think, I don’t think I could rush to rehome in your situation

I havent read the whole thread so sorry if this has already been said.

If he is a rescue dog already then your contract with the rescue will be to return the dog back to the rescue you got him from.

I

If it were me personally I would not rehome the dog. Dogs are commitments and family members like any other member of the family. I get that they can be inconvenient but so can kids! I do wonder how many kids would be rehomed if it were as simple as it is with dogs...

I just wouldn't take the job. My boy comes first.

Btw I think rehoming will be hard, both emotionally and practically. Unless you have a friend or family member who could take him on, which would probably be the best solution if it comes to that

OP how did you afford over night care when you worked away if you can't afford a dog walker now? Also surely the reason you've taken this new job is because you will earn more money?
I agree with a dog flap and getting the kids to step up too.

They are still a family member to most caring pet owners and to the dog, you are his entire world. You can try and minimise all you want but you made the decision to take on a young dog, and now you are trying to justify abandoning him when he is old and no longer as an attractive dog to take on.

I also don't get why you are trying to place the blame with your children, every parent knows that if you get a pet with/for your kid you have to be prepared to look after it yourself.

@Iheartmysmart where do you live?!

I’m with you. It looks like the poor dog was a rescue to begin with. I truly despair of humanity 😡

@Snoken i'm sorry, but i am trying to do the opposite of place the blame with my children - i absolutely don't think the dog is their responsibility. i think they could do more, yes, but i don't see their role as being that of dog walker so as to faciliate my work.

Hi OP, I am a similar age to you, single parent, rescue dog and teenage DC. I wouldn't hesitate to rehome the dog (sad as it will be). It is bloody exhausting working out of the home, being the only adult and having a dog. I certainly won't be getting another dog when DDog leaves us! Don't feel guilty for prioritising your finances and you and your DCs wellbeing.

Your dog sounds like a well-balanced chap and I am sure he will settle in a new home. My motto is that we have to put people's welfare first (I know lots on here will disagree).

The more I've read, the more I think you're pretty dismissive about your dog OP.

You have made a choice to take a job - which you weren't forced to - that will detrimentally impact your dogs life and you're considering giving him up.

Unfortunately, the sad fact is, at 7 your dogs chances of finding a new home are negligible. So your choices are either keep him, and step up (and your kids need to as well) or accept he could spend years languishing in kennels.

Either way, don't get another dog please. Dogs are for life, not until you decide you want a different job because your current job isn't 'what you wanted to do' and then get rid of them.

Dog ownership is a responsibility and a privilege - you don't just discard them once you've found something better.

Well obviously getting a dog without considering how it would fit into your life for the next 10-15 years was an avoidable mistake. But sadly it's not possible to wind the clock back.

Yes IF there was another lovely home that would suit him better then that would be great. But the reality is that rescue centres are overflowing and 6 plus Y/O dogs aren't in hot demand. You might get lucky, but I doubt he will find another home quickly or easily, and I personally could never condem a pet I had committed to, to months or years waiting in a kennel so I could change my job for no other reason than I wanted to.
Paying for a dog walker or day care would be the first choice for me.
But please- never get another pet. They are not disposable. You said you never wanted a WFH job, so why did you get a dog knowing you would be looking for a new job as soon as you could?

My mum was a housewife and my brother and I still had to walk the dog when we got home from school. It was fine.
People have made lots of suggestions - dog flap, daughters helping out more - maybe one 20 min walk each, a week - borrowmydoggy, your daughters' father to help. Would honestly none of those make it possible to keep the dog?

@Jade520 i could afford the overnight care before because i was on a slightly better paid fixed term contract, and there were two adults living in the house.

this new job isn't necessarily better paid than my freelance work but it has more potential for development and is, as i mentioned earlier, my first offer in over 24 months of job hunting; i am not, unfortunately, in a position to pick and choose. and i do really want to go out to work again; staying at home all day doesn't necessarily suit me at all.

the reality i have described - in terms of resources and my children and how life has changed - honestly, i have been as truthful as i can about it. i don't want to sound self-pitying or hapless or woe-is-me, but i also feel i need to look at the situation rationally and pragmatically. the dog is very important to me; my financial situation isn't brilliant; my children have their own priorities - academic and sporting, which i 100% support for their sakes, both now and for their futures.

i want to match all these things up; it's not straightfoward.

These threads are just a waste of everyone's time. OP you have already decided to rehome. Why ask on here.

I do not agree with your decision but it doesnt make any difference to your decision. Just do what you are going to do anyway without taking up other peoples time and emotions.

Choosing to get a dog is a luxury. Once you have the dog though, it’s a responsibility. Same a choosing to have a child. And no, dogs are not the same as children. We expect children to grow up and become independent, whereas a dog is fully dependent on you for its whole life. That’s the responsibility you took on when you chose the luxury of adopting a dog.

This.

My dd doesn't get a choice in helping out with the pets we have. She was part of the discussion around getting each of them, they are family pets, we all pitch in.

A 20 minute walk after school, or a 20 minute revision break will be GOOD for their studies, rather than the negative you are concerned it may be (I'm a teacher). Fresh air, exercise, and a brain break are all highly recommended during revision and in the exam period.

It may also be worth seeing if your local FE college has Doggy Daycare.

okay @BoldBear "these threads" are, at least in this case, the result of a real person with a real dilemma and a particular set of circumstances. and, dare i say it, a mind that is conflicted and not "made up". no one wants to make a shitty decision. (and, yes, i acknowledge that maybe to others my original decision was a shitty one.)

i have tried to engage respectfully and thoughtfully with what people have said, and certainly have no intention of wasting people's emotions nor their time. i appreciate people's range of different perspectives; i thought that was the point of a forum, but perhaps i misunderstood.

(some options like a dog flap - the dog is 30kg, so short of a reverse stable door, i'm not sure how that would work.)

@Azandme yes, i appreciate that - honestly, i'm not being contrary. i know breaks, fresh air and exercise = positives for everyone, including (and especially) teenagers at exam time. of course.

my parenting fail, i guess, but the "don't get a choice" philosophy hasn't really worked with my two as far as the dog's concerned. i wish it had.

Honestly, OP, some people don't have much imagination. If you don't have money, you don't have money. It can't be magicked out of thin air, and sometimes something has to give.

Dogs are a massive responsibility but they are not children. There are posters who claim they would end up on the streets rather than surrender their dog, and who will come along and bash you for admitting that handing your dog back to the rescue is one amongst several options. You don't have to apologise to them for prioritising your DDs above your dog, nor for the fact that your circumstances have changed.

As I see it, you have several options:
Contact the rescue and discuss handing the dog back.
Or, try some combo of these suggestions, mentioned already by various PPs including me:
Check out Borrow My Doggy and see if there is someone local to you who might be able to provide some or all of the solution.
Install a dog door for the odd times that your dog might be alone for an extended period.
Have a serious chat to your DDs about the dog's future.
Discuss the situation with the dog-walker.
Chat to other dog walkers and neighbours to see if any of them have any suggestions. For example, a friend of mine will have a dog for an evening/day/weekend but only via word of mouth. Someone like that could be your solution for infrequent evening events.

Often things look worse in anticipation than they end up being in reality. I dreaded the early dog walks and the lunchtime dash back home when I took on a job locally with fixed hours, but the system worked perfectly for ages.

ETA, you can get big dog flaps - we had one for a dog the size of a small donkey which could be locked if necessary.