new job ... do i need to rehome my dog?

[dogdayblues]

i'm in a quandary - and would really welcome some perspective on what to do. (have namechanged for this.)

we've had our rescue dog for 3.5 years. he's great - easygoing, well behaved etc. but for almost the whole time we've had him (me and two teenage DDs, no partner), i've worked from home. so have always been here to walk him. i worked away for 2 days a week at the start, but paid for him to have overnight care during that time, which was essential, but obviously expensive.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do. i've just got a job for 3 days a week, which might expand out into more, and will almost certainly require evening events.

i honestly don't know how i can manage - financially or logistically - going out to work again and caring for the dog. i can't expect the DDs to take on responsibility for him - they need to prioritise school work and their own activities, plus the eldest will be away to uni after the summer. and i'm honestly not earning enough to pay for a dogwalker 3 days a week.

i keep thinking i just need to bite the bullet and rehome him, which is heartbreaking, but then feel so awful for him and all of us.

thoughts welcome.

I volunteer in a shelter and you would be surprised at how long a "readily re-homeable" dog can sit in kennels. Especially at that age, he's essentially an older dog. Your dog will 100% be walked more at home even a few times a week than he will be lying in kennels

@EdithStourton thank you; your rational approach is very welcome - there are options, some more feasible than others, and i am considering them (it's good to know of the donkey-sized dog flap and if i could magic money out of thin air then i definitely would!)💐

Also worth noting that dogs each time a dog returns to the shelter the chance of them being rehomed goes down. It creates behaviour and trust issues, some breeds having a really low "bounce back factor".

But you keep saying that you have asked them to do more, that you are giving him up because you are now the only one who will walk him and it doesn't work logistically. That must mean that you at some point planned this in a way that you would all share the care since you have been looking for work the whole time you have had him. This dog will still be alive when your kids leave home so you shouldn't have taken the dog on if you hadn't planned for going at it alone, especially since you don't have the spare money to spend on his care.

Also, once your oldest moves out after the summer, won't that mean that you have money to spend on the dog walker? I am fairly sure my teens cost me a lot more than £200 a month when they lived at home. If so, there is only a few months when it will be tight.

@Snoken, my impression is that OP had a partner living with her when she took on the dog.

Absolutely agree with everything said here. When we got our dog I was terrified, because I knew it was a commitment for the life of my dog and we really wanted to do right by her/give her the best life possible. It is a massive responsibility.

@snoken there were two adults living in the house when we took the dog on; i'd imagined (foolishly and wrongly, as it turned out) that my DDs would do more in terms of walking the dog. yes, maybe i made a massive mistake in the first place - but the truth is the repercussions of that massive mistake haven't been quite as evident until now.

my financial situation is, to be blunt, pretty rubbish. (i am sorry to keep reiterating that.) my eldest is, all else being equal, going to university. she will continue to need my financial support during that time, yes?

@onzexplainsitall yes, it is a massive responsibility and i am feeling that responsibilty very very keenly, and have done from the day we got him. i am not unaware of what mistakes i might have made or failings in either my dog ownership or parenting skills.

sometimes it's possible to hold one's hands up and say, look i'm finding this really difficult - and that might be entirely my own fault - while at the same time wanting to do the right thing in the current situation.

I guess my last comment on this is that you mention children's activities, are you paying for those? Because they sound like a luxury also, and when push comes to shove your responsibility should be to look after your dog before paying for sporting events/other luxuries.

All threads "like this" are usually when people have not considered the true impact of getting a dog. They are real people trust me I meet a lot of "real people" in rescue who have not thought of the long term impact of getting a dog.

You said you were applying for jobs when you got the dog - why get a dog when you working life is not secure- madness.

Lives will change in the 12 years you own a dog however the commitment of getting a dog is to except that you will need to deal with these changes in the dogs interests. Of course there will some situations death and illness etc and that is why rescue is in place.

I have dogs, I have plans in place if i die, if I am ill and money put aside for the dogs if they need more care, walking or being looked after if I cant.

Generally though people do not think about the long term implications of getting a dog . They owners massage their nominal guilt and it is the dogs who suffer long term .

Nearly ever solution offered to you see a problem with.

I could scroll on past but by the time we have read your op you have us hooked as we want to help the dogs.

Poor dog - but never mind they are a luxury not a sentient being that was only wanted for 3.5 years and now their needs are just not valued high enough.

@onzexplainsitall i think we'll have to agree to disagree on that; my DD's ability to pursue excellence (or simple enjoyment) in sports she's put years of effort into, to my mind at least, is far more important. that's a privilege, of course, but it's not a luxury - it's what i work for; to provide that potential for her, and her sister.

We didn’t find Borrow my doggy much use. We had once hoped to borrow a dog occasionally to see if dog caring and routines would be compatible with our children and family. But it’s full of people with particular requirements who just want to avoid paying for day care while they go out to work.

@dogdayblues If your financial situation is that dire then your DD will get full student loans and she should get a part-time job. I don't think you should sacrifice your dog and put him in a shelter to support an adult child that gets money anyway. A lot of students don't get financial help from home, especially those who have parents to can't actually afford to do it.

@dogdayblues having been in your situation 10 years ago (divorce and I got the teens, dogs, cats, guinea pigs and rabbits!) I wouldn't rush to rehome the dog. If your children are teens and doing exams there's no way they will be studying all day - not sure how they do exam leave these days but mine were at home more than at school and had plenty of time to walk the dogs. Once they went away (all the same year! 16 yr old to college, 18yr old to uni and 20 yr old to the forces!) I was lucky enough to have my mum able to look after the dogs for their final year whilst I worked full time. And the occasional days she couldn't the dogs stayed at home all day after a good walk in the morning and another one once I got home.

I think providing food, shelter, and care to an animal you've committed to should always come before activities/sporting events/simple enjoyment. That's the nature of responsibility. Your comment really speaks volumes.

I wish I lived near you, I’d have him the 3 days. I have a friend who would love a dog but can’t afford one of her own. Our neighbours do a dog share (relationship breakdown and fight over the dog!).

I went on borrow my doggy, to do some dog walking/ keep fit when my own dog couldn’t walk very well. Met some lovely people, had my own door key, popped dog in and out whilst the owner was in bed. The lady had a few walkers for her dog.

Speak to your DD maybe she will take on the responsibility and you could have a walker one day a week and a dog flap- might spend on size of dog you won’t want humans crawling in.

It’s a tough one, what if you hate the job… I’d do a trial first, see if you can make it work but if not then you probably have no choice sadly. It’ll feel like a massive loss though.

Well, it just sounds as if you are not that devoted to the dog. It’s a pet dog rather than a core family member. If you really think that a dc’s activities trump keeping a dog you’ve had for years… then you really need to rehome the poor thing.

Someone I know adopted a spaniel aged 10. The owners had retired and they wanted to enjoy long cruises and visiting family abroad. Their plans did not include the spaniel.

Dogs are expensive. Dogs are a tie. But there it is. If you love them you find a way. If you don’t love them and they’re not fitting into your lifestyle, give the dog a better chance and for god’s sake don’t get another one when the mood strikes.

If you live near a university, it's worth checking whether their students union has a dog society. Some of them will match local dogs to students who are missing their dogs from home.

The DD’s didn’t apply for and rehome the dog this is on the OP. It’s an adult decision.

Fuck sake... it was a two adult household when OP got the dog, so it was almost certainly more financially secure. Should people never get dogs lest their circumstances change in ways they did not predict?

If DH had walked out when our DC were young and decided to be a tit about maintenance, I would have been really up against it looking after them, working and caring for the dogs as well. It might have been a case of dogs=> rescue, because one of them would have trashed the place if he'd been left alone all day.

I can appreciate that working in rescue might exasperate and upset you, but by being judgemental of someone who is struggling to make the best decision for herself, her daughters AND her dog, you don't give a good impression. OP could have just dumped her dog in the woods and driven off, which really would be reprehensible behaviour.

But rest assured, if I ever have to surrender a dog for unavoidable reasons, I'll know that I'm being judged and found very much wanting by the perfect people who work there.

@Snoken , please. we are just outside the £28,000 cut-off for last year. (i shouldn't really have to say this.) while it's true that 'a lot' of students don't receive financial help, they are in the minority. (this seems absurd to be even trying to justify this; there are factors for my daughter that i don't want to share. she, surely, 'should' take priority.)

You see, this by OP does not give me much faith in her attitude to the dog. My dog is a family member . I would not ditch him to spend more time and money on one of my dc’s hobbies. And my dcs would be beyond devastated to think the dog had been sacrificed on the altar of their enjoyment of a sport.

Seriously! Stop trying to pick a fight .I am not even talking about you or people who have legitimate reasons for rehoming dogs. However for every 10 that are rehomed at least 8 are due to people stupidity, selfishness or bad planning. Noone made them have the dogs.

"But rest assured, if I ever have to surrender a dog for unavoidable reasons, I'll know that I'm being judged and found very much wanting by the perfect people who work there." Yep that is exactly what I am saying . Ridiculous

The OP's original reason is irrelevant. It is the minor problems that they are putting in the way or putting in the way of keeping dog. Her child sporting activities, to much to ask teenage children to walk the dog, the dog being a luxury, not considering dog walkers, or asking if local people want to walk her dog a dog flap .

The lack of serious consideration are the reasons that I am exasperated. It is clear the dog is a hindrance and they want reassurance that what they are doing is ok.

How long is the dog out with the dog walker for £200 a month? Most are usually £10-£15 per hour but with pick ups / drop offs, usually out for nearly 2 hours.

i'm finding it hard not to think that a dog is a luxury - and this wasn't my perspective before.

FFS the dog is a sentient creature with needs and emotions, not a fucking luxury. And please stop saying you love him. You really don’t. You should not have got a rescue dog, you clearly don’t take the responsibility seriously. Poor dog.