new job ... do i need to rehome my dog?

[dogdayblues]

i'm in a quandary - and would really welcome some perspective on what to do. (have namechanged for this.)

we've had our rescue dog for 3.5 years. he's great - easygoing, well behaved etc. but for almost the whole time we've had him (me and two teenage DDs, no partner), i've worked from home. so have always been here to walk him. i worked away for 2 days a week at the start, but paid for him to have overnight care during that time, which was essential, but obviously expensive.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do. i've just got a job for 3 days a week, which might expand out into more, and will almost certainly require evening events.

i honestly don't know how i can manage - financially or logistically - going out to work again and caring for the dog. i can't expect the DDs to take on responsibility for him - they need to prioritise school work and their own activities, plus the eldest will be away to uni after the summer. and i'm honestly not earning enough to pay for a dogwalker 3 days a week.

i keep thinking i just need to bite the bullet and rehome him, which is heartbreaking, but then feel so awful for him and all of us.

thoughts welcome.

Good heavens, you really need to give your dds a big kick up the arse. Of course teenagers are lazy buggers - but the “working hard” excuse is crap. Do they not go on their phones and surf social media? Well, there’s at least (at least!) three hours a day they have for a start! Both my dcs got 4A*s from a state comp - and they managed to walk the dog - albeit with a bit of nagging. If I had suggested rehoming him they would have thought I had gone utterly mad and rehomed me.

As a pp said, if they’d rather the dog were rehomed than give him a walk then you have more than a dog problem.

You are clearly just looking for people to tell you to rehome him. If he’s ok on his own with a dog walker coming in I don’t think you have any reason to. Your children should help and school work doesn’t take up that much time

Although you want to take
your DDs out of the equation. they are I'm guessing 16/17, more than old enough to be involved in caring for the dog.
I personally don't agree with rehoming, we commit to our pest and therefore should fit life around them as we do our kids.
Also, if he's a rescue he must go back there.

I rehomed my seven year old dog after my marriage ended and I couldn't give my dog the attention and time he deserved.

It took a year as I contacted a local rescue and asked them to find someone who would love him as much as I did while he stayed with me.

I felt terrible for most of that year as I work long hours which was ok when there wasn't just me but when there was, it just wasn't fair. I work an hour away from home so days were long and he deserved better.

He now lives with a retired lady who lost her dog a little while ago and wanted some company. He gets all the love and attention he deserves now.

I was heartbroken but he is in a better place.

I can completely appreciate your dilemma OP, but I do think it's one of those things where you plan for the worst but have to see how it goes before you make a decision.

My family worked full time and had a dog from my early teenage years; the dog was absolutely fine though I appreciate things are different now. My parents did make use of a neighbour/friend during the day for a pee break when the dog was younger if my dad couldn't come home from work at lunch, and it was always an expectation that the first of me and my brother home would walk/play with the dog. This was not negotiable and I didn't even question it. If you have two DDs and you're out of the house 3 days, then this is two days for one, and one day for the other, to try to manage when they get home, which would be completely possible on a rotating basis.

Most dog walkers will do pop ins in addition to walks - have you checked about this? My dog walker, who takes my dog out charges a a tenner for 2 x 10 minute pee breaks either split over the day or in a 20 minute slot; £6 for one 10 minute break. And like PPs have said, Borrowmydoggy or Rover can be a good shout. I currently have a dog walker who we have for the two days I'm at the office, but we also have good neighbours and friends who are very willing to help if ever I'm called into the office unexpectedly; could you look into that?

What breed is she?

I also agree it's good for your daughters to take responsibility. Doing so teaches them all sorts and, not least, is good for their wellbeing. I used to work with secondary students and they often cited walking their dog as a good way to unwind after school.

And finally, if you commit to an hour before work yourself, and your daughters make up the extra hour after school (with you perhaps doing one last walk before bed), is that not enough. As the dog is older and easygoing, they don't need the training/enrichment commitment a younger one does?

Exactly this.

I used to walk my dog almost daily as a teenager anyway (including during gcse years) but if my parents had said I needed to step up or the dog would have to go I would have absolutely done that!

There is no reason your DDs can't put some effort in here, and so they should for the family pet.

Thank you. I appreciate your responses and sharing of experiences.

I know, too, my daughters could do more. But they don't and haven't to date. This isn't because they are selfish or lazy or need a kick up the arse (jeez). The reality of our lives aren't the same, that's all. They have exams coming up, they spend half the week at their dad's, and between them have activities after school every day. I will, of course, talk to them again, but this situation isn't on them.

It might be more manageable than I think it'll be. But I'm not optimistic. The other week I went to the cinema, we were out for 4 hours, when I got home he weed in the house in front of me. I plan all my life around him and his walks etc; when I go out to work (as I said originally for 3 days, maybe more, maybe evenings etc) I just don't know that I'll have the resources to keep doing that planning.

Unfortunately that's the reality in that everything we do is planned around the dog.

But there are things you can do to help.

We have a routine everytime I leave him which involves me standing outside saying his word to mean 'pee because I am going out'.

Your teens might not want to step up to looking after him but other people might so do put the feelers out locally of anyone who might help including teens that will do it for a small monetary amount.

However it does sound like you don't want the responsibility of owing a dog anymore which I do find sad for the dog and hope he finds a loving home and joy if you do rehome.

I'm really sorry but your teens absolutely do need a kick up the arse. They're old enough to understand that a dog is a living being with needs and that they have a responsibility to make sure those needs are met.

Maybe show them one of the many videos online of dogs languishing in rescue centres and see if that's really what they want for their dog.

However it does sound like you don't want the responsibility of owing a dog anymore which I do find sad for the dog and hope he finds a loving home and joy if you do rehome.

This is my impression too, otherwise the first question wouldn't be "do I need to rehome" it would be " how can I make this work".

Which is fine but at least be honest with yourself about it.

This isn't because they are selfish or lazy or need a kick up the arse (jeez)

But they are.

I'd be horrified if my children were so cavalier about a living creature that is the family pet. The fact is, they are lazy and selfish and they're being taught they can get away with it by you.

Hide your head under a rock all you want, but the fact is the dog is older now and you never wanted this to be your life - but you got a dog you should never have gotten anyway - and you're going to dump the dog rather than take responsibility for your decisions.

You give the strong impression that you and your dds are ambivalent about the dog. If my dog did a wee because I’d left him too long I would be very upset - and cross with MYSELF.

It really sounds as if you find the poor dog an inconvenience (and you’ve also mentioned his “running” expenses) and that, together with the fact that you would find it unacceptable to ask two teenagers to help out, means your mind is made up.

I would just urge you to make every effort to place him in a good rescue. You can contact a specific breed rescue if appropriate.

People talking about rehoming or finding a good rescue for DD, do you realise how difficult this is? Rescues are overflowing with dogs and there may be a long wait, unless the breed is a very desirable one.

If it’s a nice dog raised in a family home it should be in with a good chance. The dogs which languish :( are pitbull/staffie types, ones which have a poor history (aggression), elderly dogs or ones with health conditions, especially if expensive medication is needed.

The dog came from a rescue to begin with so they're contracted to take him back.

I've not posted on this thread for a few days but I have thought about it.

I think your teens should make an effort. The situation may not be 'on them' but nonetheless they're part of the household and should help out as circumstances change. They will benefit from you earning more, so they need to take on some of the strain.

This is an elderly dog though. It's a large breed and 7 years old. It's quite unlikely he will find another home. Older dogs are usually rehomed by older people, but they tend to want small dogs.

If your dds stay with their dad half the week, could they take the dog with them and you work those days?

Not always though. I am in my early 40s and got a nearly 8 year old large dog (who's currently bright eyed and bushy tailed and approaching 13!). There were two other people interested in my dog and when I went to see another 7 year old large dog there were also multiple people interested. Older dogs will not have any where near as much interest as pups, but from my experience if a dog is ok with younger children (which is unusual for a rescue) then there will be people interested. Although my rehoming experience was 5 years ago (but before the covid madness), I keep an eye on the rehoming sites and the dogs that tend to have long stays are the ones with challenging behaviour. I'm not saying the OP should surrender her dog, but if she is thinking about it, it's worth a conversation with her local Dogs Trust centre about how long they realistically think her dog would take to get a new home.

You realise the dog didn’t do this on purpose right? If my dogs go to the toilet inside it is my mistake and I need to make sure they are never in a situation where they have no choice but to do this. It’s difficult and means I have to make plans that are shorter than ideal or organise myself so someone can look after them. But I knew that when I got them. I appreciate your circumstances have changed but honestly…this isn’t how a loved family member dog should be treated. A dog isn’t a luxury - it is when you are thinking about whether or not you can afford to get one and if you can commit to looking after it for all its life. But not afterwards.

@Knickknacketty yes, of course i know the dog didn't do it on purpose - i wasn't upset with him or me; it's just one of those (annoying) things. the point of mentioning this was to show that my concern about leaving the dog for more than 4 hours is well founded. i am still in the position where i don't know how i can square the reality of being a single parent household (no, the children's dad will absolutely not let them have the dog when they are with him), being on a low income, going out to work (for at least 8 hours a day) and having two children who are not only not used to walking the dog but also have their own lives (which, bluntly, i don't believe it is selfish of them to prioritise). my younger daughter has promised to walk him, but i need to recognise that there will be plenty of variables that will get in the way of that.

and please be assured that the dog is (and always has been) treated extremely well; he is walked regularly and properly, he is warm and comfortable, he has company neary all the time. he is loved. i mention the 'luxury' because going from a two-adult household to a single-adult household has had a huge impact on resources - not only financial, but also in terms of time etc. i do organise myself and my children's lives around the dog's needs and have accepted, gladly, that as my responsibility.

for me, the reason for starting this thread was to try and make sense of how i can manage the situation in the future, bearing in mind the reality of my life. of course things aren't ideal - if they were i'd simply resolve everything in the easiest way possible, primarily by paying for a dog walker as often as needed. unfortunately, i know this option isn't really open to me. the truth is my working life has taken a nosedive in recent years and i am, frankly, frightened of f%^&ing up this new role - and certainly don't want to be distracted from it by constantly worrying about if i can get home in time to walk the dog.

Apologies - long day. I can see your predicament - I think I get scared at the thought of my circumstances changing so much that I had to confront this option. It is easy for me to sit here and judge but that doesn’t excuse my post. I would try every option possible including those that are best for the dog even if it is very hard and sad to do. The fact you are posting and trying to get help shows you are not taking this lightly at all.