new job ... do i need to rehome my dog?

[dogdayblues]

i'm in a quandary - and would really welcome some perspective on what to do. (have namechanged for this.)

we've had our rescue dog for 3.5 years. he's great - easygoing, well behaved etc. but for almost the whole time we've had him (me and two teenage DDs, no partner), i've worked from home. so have always been here to walk him. i worked away for 2 days a week at the start, but paid for him to have overnight care during that time, which was essential, but obviously expensive.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do. i've just got a job for 3 days a week, which might expand out into more, and will almost certainly require evening events.

i honestly don't know how i can manage - financially or logistically - going out to work again and caring for the dog. i can't expect the DDs to take on responsibility for him - they need to prioritise school work and their own activities, plus the eldest will be away to uni after the summer. and i'm honestly not earning enough to pay for a dogwalker 3 days a week.

i keep thinking i just need to bite the bullet and rehome him, which is heartbreaking, but then feel so awful for him and all of us.

thoughts welcome.

OP this is heartbreaking for the poor dog. It isn't as complicated as you make out to string things together for the sake of a dog who has been rejected once and who you would, in effect, be consigning to kennels for what remains of their life. It's a terrible lesson to be teaching the two DC, on several grounds.

@BoldBear

this is my issue, not anyone else's, so better to take out your frustrations on me. i want, as i have repeatedly said, to do my best by everyone. including, if that's okay, me.

there isn't an issue with dogwalkers - the issue is the cost.

teenage DDs - they haven't walked the dog up to now; it's hard for me to imagine they'll start now.

dog flap - i'm happy to consider this if they're workable for a 30kg dog.

child's sporting activities - i believe these are more important; some people don't and that's fine.

the dog isn't a hindrance; there's going to be a significant change to my daily life and i'm worried about how feasible it will be to (happily, for everyone) accommodate that.

and, yes, i realise i am almost certainly one of the 8 out of 10 who are stupid, selfish or bad at planning. i accept that; it doesn't necessarily mean that i don't want to do right in the current situation.

Don’t your dc care about him particularly? The whole business sounds so cold.

Yes I find the lack of engagement from your DC very cold too. I can't think of a single dog household in our village where the teenage DC don't walk the dog. It's extraordinary.

Your teenage children need to be doing their fair share to help on the 3 days you are out. You are all a family, why do they just not have to take on responsibility for the family pet? Teach them some responsibility, and hey sometimes we have to do chores for the family we would rather not but welcome to life.

You chose to take on a rescue dog, in my opinion it would be unbelievably cruel for you to go back on that

i am well aware that the dog is a sentient being with needs. and i do love him. it's not about being 'cold', it's about trying to be practical and realistic about what is possible. (and obviously i'm not going to say to my child, oh yeah, i 'sacrificed' the dog so you could do your sport.) i'm not here to upset anyone or make them despair about humanity.

i'm finding it a really difficult situation, that's all.

It not me picking on other posters.....your fan club are the ones doing that.

You are working 3 days a week. You have 2 teenage children. Dont ask tell them to walk the dog one day each. If they are sporty they should be happy to fit that in to their fitness schedule.

One day to pay a dog walker. £15.00 per week. Probably a few less takeaway coffee and all paid for.

I'm sadden by your post. Your dog was rehomed when he was at a good re-homeable age. The shelters are rammed full of dogs aged 6 plus. People aren't keen to rehome at that age. Look at some of the sites. Dogs are there months or even years.
It's only three days. I'm shocked that you don't expect your children to offer a walk one day a week each. However busy they are - 30 mins after school isn't too much to ask. They won't be revising solid in that time. Here's a chance for you to teach them that pets aren't disposable... people have responsbilities to their pets.
Many people work out of the house with a pet. You need to get a dog walker for those days or seek a neighbour to have him for a few hours.
People thinking about getting dogs should read your post. Dogs can be inconvenient - but with planning it's possible and I think your dog deserves for you to try and make it work. Would your dog walker give a slight discount for a third walk.

@Auchencar maybe it is extraordinary, and i can understand that it might seem odd. but they don't walk him (he's a big dog and wasn't easy to walk when we first got him; perhaps that put them off) - although as i've said they'll walk him with me. i don't think they are 'cold', and it's not how i've ever thought of myself either. all this is to say, i'm aware that they could (or 'should') be part of the solution but it would feel unfair and unrealistic to expect that.

OP I have a dog over 30kg and a dog flap. They exist. Of course it is a big hole in your backdoor that a lot of people could crawl though - how risky that is depends on how secure your back garden is, how safe your area is and whether your dog is a decent guard dog!

Well said. OP has loads of options. No way would I rehome a 7 year old dog because I didn’t want to pay £36 a week for a dog walker.

i'm finding it a really difficult situation, that's all.

I don’t think it is. It’s quite straightforward: you’ve got a dog and you’ve now got a job so your kids need to step up to help walk it on those days to keep the cost of dogwalkers down.

As a teenager we had a dog and if she was going to be rehomed I would have been devastated. But as a teenager I walked her every day anyway because I loved her.
But I took her with me when I left home and she was very lazy and slept all day.
I feel sorry for the dog. Is there nobody who would help?

6 pages of just reading the same thing OP

People have given you advice and opinions as you asked. Most of your replies just point out how the reply won't work for you. Your mind is closed.

You do really come across as though you want a bunch of strangers to ease your conscience and tell you it's ok.

A dog is a sentient being with feelings, needs, emotions, who has no one to advocate for them and who is wholly dependent on their human to look after them. Yes they do cost money, as they get older, they cost more and the older they get the harder they are to rehome as they become more expensive, harder or impossible to insure and have more health issues. Some rescues have long waiting lists of dogs waiting to come in.

I can't stay on this thread anymore.

It is repetitive and frustrating as well as pointless.

While I think that re-homing is often the best option for everyone involved, there's no way I could consider it without trying every other option first.

Dog walkers (use multiple different people if necessary)
Daycare if it exists - it's often not much pricier than a walk
BorrowMyDoggy
Asking friends, family or neighbours to help you
Getting your DD's to step up and take responsibility
Leave the dog at home with a dog flap for emergencies
Seeing if there are any retired or WFH type people nearby who would enjoy the company of a dog during the day.

If you've truly exhausted every single option then yes, re-homing isn't the worst thing, but personally I think you owe it to your dog to try everything else first.

i'm aware that they could (or 'should') be part of the solution but it would feel unfair and unrealistic to expect that.

No, it's far more unfair to bring children up to be so self-centred that they'd rather the dog go back into kennels than have to walk him once or twice a week. I can hardly believe what I'm reading.

They don’t walk him because you don’t insist they walk him. Teens do what you tell them within reason.

Although it may be that another aspect of this great misjudgement is to get a large dog the kids don’t feel confident walking. In which case they just need practice.

i'm aware that they could (or 'should') be part of the solution but it would feel unfair and unrealistic to expect that.

I missed this - you really need to adjust your expectations here and get your DD's to step up and walk their dog.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do

Why did you get a dog when you knew you were looking to change your job?

OP try them. My daughter (a few years older than your eldest) is a slim 5' 3" and walks her 50kg dog every day. It's completely doable provided the dog isn't dangerous or out of control.

You may not want to impose dog walking on your DC but a family conversation should resolve it. They may be completely happy to step up. It wouldn't reflect well on them if they weren't.

I definitely wouldn’t make any decisions prior to starting the new job OP and giving your dog a chance to find a new routine.

It’s probably blasphemous to say it but better that your dog miss a day’s walk than go back to a rescue. Will your three working days be consecutive? If so, perhaps the middle day he would cope with going out with you first thing for a brief potter, a quick pop in by the dog walker or someone else to be let out for a wee middle of the day, and then your DD letting him out when she gets home. Not perfect, but preferable to the alternative and he’d still have company and family around him in the evenings.

If he’s an easy dog then you may find he settles fine into a new routine. Another thing your DDs might be more useful at if not walking him is brain games which will also tire him out - these can be as simple as putting some treats in a rolled up towel, tying in a knot and letting him try to get them out. YouTube has tonnes of examples that are low effort and low cost but will give him some enrichment while you’re away.

okay. i am sorry. i want to reiterate, i am 100% listening to people. i will explore options.

but please understand, even if DD walk the dog, he will still be on his own from 8 till 4, so i would need (i believe) a dog walker to take him out at some point during that time; the DD can't (because they are at school) take responsibility for him during the day.

a dog flap that a human can get through - not an option!

as i originally said, a few pages ago now, one of the things about this job is that i sense there will be evening events and other elements that extend the working day; at the moment i find it hard to imagine how i will be able to do it to its full potential while at the same time having sole responsibility for the dog.

i will talk to the dog walker, and i will talk to the DD. this is about resources (and, yes, priorities), and those have changed for me.

i can understand people's frustrations, and i can understand how it might seem that i have been stupid and irresponsible (and am still being those things).

MN will have you believe otherwise, but thousands of dogs up and down the country are left home alone from 8-4 all week - it's really not the end of the world, and much better than a rescue centre where they're alone in kennels for 23 hours a day.

You could try the Rover app

Honestly, I am not trying to pick a fight. But you did say, You said you were applying for jobs when you got the dog - why get a dog when you working life is not secure- madness. So it looked to me as if you were having a go at OP for a change in circumstances (2 person to 1 person household) that she couldn't have predicted.

OP is trying to work out if the various possible solutions or parts of a solution that she is being offered are feasible and workable. Yes, in her shoes, I would expect my DC to step up, but only she knows how feasible that is in her situation, given her DDs spend some time each work with their father. And yes, I have known dogs be rehomed because the owners didn't do adequate research into the breed (or, in one case, because a rescue was completely irresponsible and gave a very young, large-breed overseas rescue to a couple entirely unsuited to owning that dog). Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes misjudgements.