new job ... do i need to rehome my dog?

[dogdayblues]

i'm in a quandary - and would really welcome some perspective on what to do. (have namechanged for this.)

we've had our rescue dog for 3.5 years. he's great - easygoing, well behaved etc. but for almost the whole time we've had him (me and two teenage DDs, no partner), i've worked from home. so have always been here to walk him. i worked away for 2 days a week at the start, but paid for him to have overnight care during that time, which was essential, but obviously expensive.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do. i've just got a job for 3 days a week, which might expand out into more, and will almost certainly require evening events.

i honestly don't know how i can manage - financially or logistically - going out to work again and caring for the dog. i can't expect the DDs to take on responsibility for him - they need to prioritise school work and their own activities, plus the eldest will be away to uni after the summer. and i'm honestly not earning enough to pay for a dogwalker 3 days a week.

i keep thinking i just need to bite the bullet and rehome him, which is heartbreaking, but then feel so awful for him and all of us.

thoughts welcome.

You haven't responded to any of the suggestions re Borrow my Doggy or Rover?
I know plenty of people who work from home a few days a week and look after other people's dogs on those days, for free.
This sounds like the perfect solution for you? Some people are even happy to have dogs overnight so you might be able to work that if needed

@Ottersmith I can't believe some of the yeah sounds fine replies actually.Hes a family member. Surely your daughters would rather do some dog walking than lose their dog? A change in his lifestyle and staying with his family is still far far preferable to losing his family, being put in an unfamiliar stressful environment for potentially a long time and going to who knows what next kind of owners. And he's a rescue to start with? Who has managed, despite his bad start to become a settled good family pet? I'm just really shocked that this is seen as an ok reason to dump a dog with no consideration given to the fact it is an emotionally intelligent being. No wonder rescues are so full and so many are put down (yes even cute cockerpoos and sausage dogs) because they can't find a home. I'm speechless actually.
You find a way.

@dogdayblues, have you actually told your DDs that you might have to give him up? Because if their reaction is to not be that bothered then he should go to a home where he's properly cared for by ALL the family, and you can let him go without guilt. If it helps, my neighbour adopted a seven-year-old who had been re-homed by his previous owner and he has such a happy life with her now. So yes, it will be stressful for your dog in the short-term and you'll probably never shake the worry of where he's ended up and who with, it sounds like it could be best for him.

This is very sad. You should never have taken on the responsibility of a dog if you couldn’t commit to meeting its needs for its lifetime. You say you have little choice when it comes to work, so you weren’t in a position to make that long-term commitment. Now this dog, who has already been rehomed at least once, will have its whole life turned upside down again. If you do rehome your dog, please do so responsibly though a reputable organisation. And don’t get another one.

There is - it's called "Borrow my doggy".

I think leaving a settled dog at that age for longer than recommended at home is far better for the dog than to send them to be rehomed.

The dog may end up in a rescue kennel indefinitely or may end up in a home that is not as good.

It's three days and walking before and after work and getting your DC to step up for walks or company to bridge the gap is the way to go. Dogs like routine. You just need to find a new routine for everyone.

my financial situation is, to be blunt, pretty rubbish. (i am sorry to keep reiterating that.) my eldest is, all else being equal, going to university. she will continue to need my financial support during that time, yes?

To be honest, if your financial situation is that dire she could get the full loan, so may not need much financial input from you - especially if she gets some allowance from her dad.

@ladymammalade I realise that now. I thought it was more a dog walking service. DDog was a bit contrary so only ever went to my mum when I needed help with him so it wasn’t something I ever looked into. Perhaps I should sign up!

It's not a cut off, it's a sliding scale. So whereas full loan is around 10.5k for someone with household income under 28k, someone with an income of 30k would get £9,700.

I'm not trying to pick on you - I just wouldn't want you to have to rehome your dog because you think your dd will only get minimum loan.

i don't want to add further to the going-round-in-circles situation that seems to be happening here. and i am prepared to hold my hands up and say, yes, if i could have predicted where i would be now as far as work, finances, children and absence of partner goes then i wouldn't have ever taken on a dog.

lots of posters are raising perfectly sensible points and offered solutions - about money, about daughters, about borrow my dog etc - and i appreciate these. individually, all these issues might be addressed, but as a cluster they do (for me at least) add up to a difficult situation.

thank you to those who have pointed out that even a less-than-ideal situation here is almost certainly better for the dog than a return to kennels; that is a useful perspective.

i am going to talk to my daughters, talk to the dog walker. and think some more.

A 30kg, almost 7 years old dog is highly unlikely to be adopted and will likely languish in kennels because :

A) Large dogs have shorter lifespan in general, who wants a dog for maybe 3 years?
B) Large, older dogs, don't make lapdog for elderly people.

I should say we did adopt an eight year old Border Collie because we couldn't stand seeing her advert come up in the paper every week.

To me, a dog is a member of your family and you need to make it work. Good walk in the morning, breakfast and dog will likely sleep the majority of the time until DD can let them out for a wee after school. You can get cheap cameras on Amazon where you can check on ddog and also speak to them if you wanted to. Sorry, I could never consider rehoming.

Really glad to hear this. Hope it works out happily for all of you.

Don't be ridiculous. It's a dog, not a baby.

I agree.

It really isn't "unfair and unrealistic" to ask your two teenage dd's, who you have admitted you work your arse off to provide for, including extra curricular, and financial support at uni, to spend 20 minutes A DAY to walk the family dog, who YOU love, so you can keep him AND provide for them.

What IS unfair is that they haven't already offered. I'd be incredibly disappointed in my teen dd if she hadn't.

I think in principle you have made your decision. It's not a good balance for the dog if you can't afford a dog walker three days a week long term and your children are getting close to uni age. Better to rehome him now when he is a young and healthy 6/7 yr old than when he is 12 especially if no pre-existing health conditions now. It's also coming into summer and a better time I suspect than when it is dark and freezing in the evenings.

BUT - you can afford to wait for the best solution for the dog in the meantime. You can ask your children to step up, you can squeeze finances for a few months and be very proactive. Your dog walker may have clients with elderly or recently deceased dogs who would consider a dog known to someone they have relied upon and trust?

@Azandme yes, i can see that. i do believe my younger DD has good intentions, she wants to help, but they just don't translate into action. i don't want to make excuses for her, but she does also work her arse off at school and with her sport and music and other stuff. she's not lounging about. older DD, i just don't see that she'd do it - and at the moment she's also working her arse off to get the grades she needs / wants for uni.

ideally, they'd both be like, oh mum, we'll walk him / feed him / let him out. but they haven't really been like that so far - because, frankly, they've not needed to be - so, as i've said, i find it hard to envisage it being different in the future. there's been moments when i've said, look you need to step up here, but they haven't. (and that, presumably, is due to bad parenting on my part.)

OP really tricky. Is it worth any investigation locally to see if anyone up for having the dog a few days a week. Some people love dogs but can’t have their own. Have you got anyone you know who might help? DD who is not going to uni can help and other DD when not at uni. Worth trying to make it work before rehoming? Borrow my doggy has worked well for some people I know.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams - you are right; that's why i want to speak to the dog walker, not only about walking, but also about whether he knows anyone who might either 'borrow' my dog or be happy to take him on.

Giving dog away is cruel. Dogs are part of the family and should be loved and cared for. Just be honest you are bored of the dog and want rid! Otherwise you would make your kids do more and pay a dog walker. Shame on you!!!!

Hi Op,

I’d really try to keep your dog with you, and from what you have said it does sound do able. I’d also try again and involve your DD’s it’s a great way for them to help you, can they at least let the dog out when they come home from school and be encouraged to do the occasional walk as well- they may find they enjoy it and I don’t think this would mean that you are making them responsible you are simply asking them to step up a bit in a way that I’d consider to be very legitimate given the change in family circumstances, you all can pull together.
Additionally your situation may change further down the line for the better, more money etc so you can afford a dog walker more often.
When we had dogs in my childhood (80’s) they were walked early morning and evening but they were home alone for most of the school day as there was no one home, this was the same for most of my friends families that had dogs. I wouldn’t do that now but I'm
just letting you know people have done it before and its not the worst thing. Good luck!

@Horriblevirusagain no, i am not 'bored' of the dog. i am trying to navigate a new situation in my life for all of the creatures i am responsible for - two daughters, a dog and myself, including our financial wellbeing. my dog is loved and cared for. if i were cruel, i'd have simply taken the dog to the rescue by now.

not sure what the purpose of 'shaming' someone who's trying to have a rational conversation on a public forum is.

thank you @Menier i appreciate the kindness of your post and your suggestions about how to think about my DD's involvement (and about leaving the dog alone for at least a reasonable amount of the day).

All this - 'my children are working their arses off.' It's a 30 mins walk after school, or before or early evening. You aren't asking them to take up a Saturday job. You aren't telling me they are not on social media for more than this time. They sound so entitled.

Do you give them an allowance? As a teen - I would have chipped in some of my allowance to help with a dog walker, and even with all my extra currics and a Saturday job I would have made the effort to walk the family dog for 30 mins a day. Strewth. It's a sad indictment .

I have cats, not dogs partly because I could not sign up for the responsibility long term a dog would be including considering my circumstances might change.

When I adopted my cats from a rescue, I signed up for looking after them for 20 years. My circumstances would have to change very dramatically for me to send them back to a rescue.

I’m afraid I agree with the poster than you have become a bit bored with the dog and he is inconvenient because if you really loved him there would be no way you would rehome him unless to a trusted family member perhaps where you 100% would know he went to a good home.

I also find it strange that your Dads won’t step up when they actually risk losing their dog.

It’s a poor dog from me and I wish people only got pets when they were 100% committed.

@CarmellaSopranosKitchen i think it's best to leave my children out of this; i've been trying to explain the situation honestly, because they are in some way relevant, but as someone said upthread, this is an adult's decision and an adult's set of circumstances to deal with properly. and that's true - it is up to me to sort this out. my children's personalities, or how they spend their time, are not up for discussion.