new job ... do i need to rehome my dog?

[dogdayblues]

i'm in a quandary - and would really welcome some perspective on what to do. (have namechanged for this.)

we've had our rescue dog for 3.5 years. he's great - easygoing, well behaved etc. but for almost the whole time we've had him (me and two teenage DDs, no partner), i've worked from home. so have always been here to walk him. i worked away for 2 days a week at the start, but paid for him to have overnight care during that time, which was essential, but obviously expensive.

i've been applying for jobs for all that time - working from home as a freelance was never what i really wanted to do. i've just got a job for 3 days a week, which might expand out into more, and will almost certainly require evening events.

i honestly don't know how i can manage - financially or logistically - going out to work again and caring for the dog. i can't expect the DDs to take on responsibility for him - they need to prioritise school work and their own activities, plus the eldest will be away to uni after the summer. and i'm honestly not earning enough to pay for a dogwalker 3 days a week.

i keep thinking i just need to bite the bullet and rehome him, which is heartbreaking, but then feel so awful for him and all of us.

thoughts welcome.

Is there any chance the children's father would take the dog or at least have it some of the week when the children are there?

It is getting harder nowadays to rehome even nice dogs - I follow many rescues and over the last year or two, the rescues are struggling to rehome as well as fundraise. Not suggesting that you should not surrender him but better to aware that even nice dogs do not always get rehomed soon, some are months or years waiting. Lots of people took on dogs in lockdown and the impact of returning to the office as well as col has meant loads are looking for homes which itself impacts on strays who often don't make it to a rescue after their days are up in the pound.

Have you thought of putting a pet flap in the door to your garden,so he can get out to wee when your at work

Lots of dogs, my old one included, manage on their own while the owner is an work. It's not perfect but rehoming without even giving it a try is crazy. Start by leaving him alone for 3/4/5 hours and see how he copes. Is their a neighbour who could look in on him during the day?

We had a dog..all fine, she went to work with my husband. Eventually she died. We got another dog but the second dog refused to go in his car, got very agitated and wouldn’t settle at work. We waited too long but eventually rehomed her. We did it through a breed rescue and on the understanding they found her a home before we rehomed her. We paid for a vet check, she spent one night in the shelter and then was rehomed with a retired couple who adored her and she was much happier than being on her own for hours in our home.We wish we had done it sooner. You could try borrow my dog which can help or bite the bullet and find your dog a new home.

I don’t really understand why you would get a rescue dog if you’ve been appplying for jobs all this time as you say. What did you think would happen?

MN lore that it’s better get a rescue than pay for a puppy makes me so cross as it simply creates situations like this. Rescues come with emotional baggage, even trauma, that a puppy does not. It will have taken the dog some time to acclimatise to its new home, be so glad it’s been rescued, now to be shunted on because you didn’t think rehoming through, you just saw it as a free pet. Not that it would be any better if you bought a puppy while applying for jobs, but you would have been much less likely fork out big money on an animal in that circumstance so that would have been a deterrent.

The only people who should take them on rescues are the ones who are willing to commit to it for life. Otherwise you are simply creating more trauma and unhappiness for the animal.

So I would say, tough, you committed to this dog, if it costs you an extra £200 a month that’s what it’s got to be. Your income will presumably be more secure with a permanent position.

I have to add my condition was that my dog had a home to go to. On the day my husband took her to the shelter I had to stop myself from phoning him and telling him to bring her home. It was hard for me but better for the dog.

Yep.

Do you need to? No. There are always things you can do. Would it be easier? Yes.

It’s a decision only you can make. It sounds like the new job is more of a priority than the dog which is fine. Everyone is different.

To be honest you don’t really sound like you want to explore any other options to solve this problem other than rehoming.

@Springsunflower i don't think i'm looking for excuses. the reality that i have found over the past 3.5 years is actually that there is just one of us - me. (and the dog walker - but that is a separate financial issue.) i have no problem with getting up early to walk him, no problem with walking him when i get home.

@Snoken there is a limit to how much extra work i can do; i will be working 3 or more days a week, plus freelance work. i already work on my freelance projects at weekends and in the evenings to make ends meet.

i love my dog, and of course i don't want to be cruel or irresponsible.

Can you not try before giving him up? I would trial a solution. However I knew in getting our dogs that my work would have to be flexible around them.

This 100% better to trial it...

Hand on heart, do you want to give him up?

3 days a week with dog walker and kids to pitch in is nothing op.

Seems like you've fallen out of love with him.

Edit due to spelling errors

Can you try leaving him for a few hours a day and monitor him on a Ri g camera or similar? You'll then be able to see how he copes. He may just sleep the whole time. Just an idea.

yes, i can try before giving him up @Theuniversalshere1 i'm finding it hard not to think that a dog is a luxury - and this wasn't my perspective before.

i never saw him as a 'free pet'. he isn't traumatised and has always been well loved and prioritised.

my situation changed in ways i didn't expect or couldn't have predicted after i got him - in terms of work, in terms of partner. the last few years haven't been how i anticipated them being.

maybe i have been stupid or thoughtles; i am prepared to accept that, of course. i just wanted to try to work out the best way forward given where i am now.

I agree with what you say about modern dog owners and thoughtless care for them, the trouble is too many people got dogs in lockdown without thinking it through and now we have rescue centres jammed with unhappy, lonely dogs living in a pen, sleeping on a concrete floor and barking all day.
I used to think it was awful that the RSPCA, in the past kept animals for a few weeks and if they weren't rehomed or reclaimed, the animal would be put to sleep but now I think that might be the kinder answer. Dumping an animal at a rescue centre is 'out of sight, out of mind', taking on a dog is a responsibility, if you wouldn't dump your children when life got a bit busy, then don't dump your dog!!

Maybe thats the solution unless you really don't want him anymore.

Imagine, no greets when You get home, no more snuggles... no unconditional love from him. Breaking his heart and him not understanding.

That's the reality, if it's what you feel is best and can't give him what he needs anymore.

However 3 early morning walks and evening walk and dog minder 3x a week seems totally doable.

It's not like you work 12 hour shifts 5 or 6 days a week.

Trial it! Give it a chance and get kids onboard and dog walker.

Give it 3 month trial atleast!

the thing is, i do love him and am very used to him; he's my friend and companion. please don't think otherwise.

it isn't a matter of not wanting to spend £200 a month on a dog walker it's a case of not really having a spare £200 to spend. and knowing that wanting kids to 'step up' and then them actually doing that - is that how teenagers behave? my DDs are fab, but i'm not sure how their behaviours (and schedules) are suddenly going to transform themselves.

i am trying to explore other options; i am trying, too, to be practical and organised so i'm not the idiot in my first week at a new job needing to dash home to walk the dog rather then stay late / attend an event / be available and willing to do the extra stuff that makes a difference.

I have had to make difficult decisions and sacrifices to make good on my commitment to care for my dogs for the whole of their lives. They get one short life.

I normally avoid threads like this ,it's so upsetting
Your just looking for people to make you feel better about getting rid of him
By all means call it re homing if it makes you feel better
But his reality will be back in kennels for years , looking for his family, wondering where you are .
My smallest dog is a rescue,what he went through before we got him ,is so upsetting.
He only weighs 4 kg now

and he needed neutering when we got him.but the vet wouldn't do it until he had gained 1 kg ..he had never ...never been walked ,and he got left overs that the cats didn't want ..he didn't have a bed or his own food bowl
Op your dog can't tell you what his life was like before he found you .
I guarantee you ,he is so grateful to have his current home

@IthinkIamAnAlien i am sorry, but dogs are not children, really they're not.

no, i'm not working 12 hour shifts out of the home, but i do frequently work 12 hour days and 6 or 7 days a week in my freelance role.

i'll talk to the dogwalker and see if we can go for a three-month trial.

Omg, that's so sad. Thank God he went to a loving home

It’s rather convenient that you’ve now decided a dog is a luxury rather than an mundane responsibility. I don’t see how you couldn’t have expected to get a job given you’ve been applying for them all this time. You mention change in terms of a partner - is that impacting the decision? Even if you managed to find a rare rescue dog that had no trauma from its past and a period in kennels, it won’t be happy to have to go back there.

They are furbabies.