Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

Oh dear.

Please don't rehome the dog. They are a family member now.

This ^^

If you've had her since a puppy and she's only a year old you really haven't given her a chance.

How could you consider breaking your children's hearts knowingly?

Sorry but I think you need to persevere with her.

@Littlesadstate90 robot hoovers scheduled to come on twice a day are amazing for dog hair as they clean without you having to worry you just have to research and get one with good suction. Could you pay a daily dog walker? Look into sites like 'borrow my doggy'? (Never used borrow my doggy btw so no idea if it's safe etc I just know it exists), monthly grooming appointment for a wash and dry?
It sounds like you are overwhelmed rather than actually want to rehome your dog.

Dogs do get easier as they age, just like DC do. However if you don't love the dog enough to want to brush it or take it for a walk it is probably best you re-home it. Then be honest with your DC and tell them you have rehomed the dog because you can't be bothered to walk it or brush it. Don't lie to them or blame the dog. A one year old Labrador will get rehomed quickly because they are nice family pets.

You say YOUR life and YOUR marriage will be better but… what about your husband and children’s lives? Your dog is a family member and I know I would likely hugely resent a partner who asked me to give up my dog. It’s a worry that you suggest husband isn’t totally behind this and your children still don’t know your plan.

Labradors are known for a long adolescence. Honestly, things could look very different with a bit more time.

Please think very carefully about this. I have been on the other side, taking on a dog from a family where one family member struggled with the decision (but couldn’t keep the dog). Their sadness was palpable. The dog also missed her family. They don’t just pick up where they left off with someone new.

I wouldn't recommend the dog. It is not fair on the children. Why is this impacting your marriage? I think that needs to be addressed. Surely you and dh can work out an agreement about the dog and stick to it. If you can't, the dog is not the major issue.

Excuse me!! Who said we can’t be bothered to brush her or walk her!?

she gets brushed twice a week, she goes to a groomers every 3 months. She gets x1 90 minute walk a day. Thank you very much

Well your child will be upset. That is a fact. There is no way around it and no form of words that is going to help . You are going back on a promise and letting them down and you will just have to own that.

I kept our challenging rescue dog through his difficult adolescence mainly because teenage DD would never have forgiven me if I gave him back. I wanted to a lot at times. Now he is 3 I am used to it and things are a lot better. I mean he still sheds fur, costs money and has to be taken into consideration in what we are doing but he is (less) badly behaved.

This is really sad and if you were asking AIBU you know what everyone is going to say OP…..a 1 year old dog is really just a big puppy and by the age of 2/3 they are so different…..I would say that groomers every 3 months wouldn’t be enough for my dog, we bath him every month to keep him smelling fresh, sometimes more if required. So many places are dog friendly we have taken our dog everywhere to socialise him from a young age…but if you can’t take him along there are dog walkers and day care options…..also friends and neighbours are often willing to help out with dog care, have you people around you that you can ask?

I’m afraid there is no ‘real get out of jail free’ here. You’re going to feel guilty and your children will feel heart broken.

You’ll feel better though and hopefully the dog will be rehomed by a proper adult. Don’t get any more pets.

Prepare yourself for a future where your children have a dog and realise what an incompetent selfish human being you are. I’m that child and I have my own dog now.

Too much dog hair- honestly.

I don't think you can re-home now, it's a terrible message to send to your DC in terms of how you treat animals and what should happen when you take on a committment.

I would get them involved more, perhaps everyone is leaving the dog to you? Make them responsible for the water bowl or something small, make sure dh does one of the walks a day (I'd do 2 walks with any dog as they need to get out), get a robot hoover and plan doggy day care so you can have longer days out

Is anyone helping or are you doing it by yourself?

Your children will remember their dog going away no matter what happy ever after fairy tale you lie about to say where the dog has gone.

Why not sign up to Borrow my dog and perhaps meet someone who can't have a dog, perhaps they rent but can devote time and attention to walking your dog and spending time with the dog.

It would be utterly callous to rehome the dog.

Get a dog walker, it will make things much easier with a 1 year old lab and if you really need to rehome the original breeder should be your first stop. And never get another dog.

Well it's not a cite puppy anymore is it?

Lots of dogs get re homed at this stage...
You're just adding to the problem.

Please sit down with your family and work out what you can do to keep the dog. Join some dog training classes, that will be fun and wear the dog out. The things you mention will get easier with time.

You're bang in the middle of adolescence which is one of the hardest stages of dog ownership. So, so many dogs end up in rescue at this stage as a result.

Ultimately it's up to you if you want to persevere but if you do decide to re-home, I'm afraid there isn't really going to be an easy way of telling the DC. Presumably they love their dog and don't want to lose her - and as they're too young to really help with much of the care, they're probably going to feel pretty resentful and angry for a while.

Personally, I would be chucking as much money at the problem as possible. Dog walkers, daycare and finding some form of overnight care (kennels, sitter or boarder) will take the pressure off massively. It also means you can arrange days out or evenings out without having to stress about the dog.

Why does the dog only get one walk a day? 1x hour long and 1x 30 minute walk would be better.

You have to do what is best for you and the family. It sounds as though your mind is made up and that you can no longer cope with the dog.

The DCs will get over it faster than you think. Harmony in the home is important.

There is nothing you can say to the kids that will make the heartbreak less. Sorry there really isn't. I'm in my 50s and still judge my parents for taking my childhood dog to 'go live on a farm'

So either rehome accepting that reality or find a way to cope.

If you stick it out then get in help -- starting the dog with dog walkers and day care now will make it easier longer term. Find a day care that does overnight's and get the dog use to going there. Groomers, robot hoovers etc. Yes it's going to add up to a fair amount of money but that's pet ownership for you.

Imo if the ddog goes it will be some other thorn in your marriage... We got a dpuppy when I was married previously.. Dh blamed everything on that poor ddog. I did get rid and rehomed. And life was bloody blissful.
Me and ddog lived happily until she died at 11 yo.. Don't give a shiney shit what happened to the miserable twat... Maybe your dh will follow suit...

I'm in my 50s and still judge my parents for taking my childhood dog to 'go live on a farm'

My MiL died at 87 still talking about her sadness that her terrier had been rehomed. It was one of the childhood memories that she brought up over and over. She didn't want us to get a dog ourselves because of the remembered hurt.

It matters deeply to some children.

She's a year old, still learning so much, especially with a lab.

You say you love her and that you thought it through?

You're going to put your son through an awful lot of upset. it sounds as though your husband isn't really with you either.

Help yourself a little and get a dog walker, a quick whizz round with the hoover every morning. Buy a couple of subtle fragranced plug in's. Take her out with you as much as much as you can, get your car geared up for her (if you haven't already). Don't moan about her, enjoy her.

You refer to how you feel, that you aren't cut out for a dog. I don't mean to sound mean but "I thought I would cope" is flakey, she's a dog that'll hopefully have a lifespan of about 15 years. She's meant to be enjoyed, loved and be with people who cherish her. It sounds as though everyone else is doing that but you?

What a hard position to be in. I think like others I'd make sure I'd exhausted every opportunity.

Give the children a chance to step up and help. Get a rota.

Put a time limit on it and be honest. Answer questions about what's happening.

Maybe get in contact with a rescue and discuss the process of surrender so at least you have some answers about what happens.

I had to just rip the band aid off. Mine was older though ( in memory my son was 11 )
I had to send mine to a certain rescue as they dealt with dogs that needed assessment in terms of not being dangerous.

I just told my son the facts. He was a dog that needed more help that I knew how to give. Someone who would hopefully help him so he could be a happier dog. There were tears but honestly he was fine. My son spendt most of his time in his room away from all the problems with the dog anyway so I think it was easier.
I wouldn’t lie to them. Just tell them the facts. Children understand more than people think. They will be upset but they will be okay.

In terms of your dog. Make sure you go to a rescue with someone u trust. We did a ton of research before we found a place we were happy with. I cried and cried when he went. But I know for him it was the best thing I could do.

Dogs drop hair.. who knew?