Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

If her DH is not pulling his weight re dog duty, then she says he has 2 weeks to shape up or she rehome the dog and tells the kids that Fido had to go because Daddy couldn't be arsed to walk him

Some people actually need to rehome their dog (big change in circumstances like illness, finances etc). OP on the other hand does not need to rehome her poor dog, she just can’t be bothered and that’s the big difference.

Of course they will! Children in non-abusive households don't usually hold grudges forever.

Fuck me 😱

Not everyone has a vet nearby, not every country has the RSPCA. We are all complicit in the deaths of millions of animals every year, most of them far more brutal than this. But I guess in the UK only dogs and cats count.

Different world. The only alternative would have been to dump them somewhere where they would either slowly die, or somehow survive and go on to produce more street kittens. The second option seems pretty irresponsible.

What about her dh?
He doesn’t seem keen in rehoming so why is he not stepping in? Taking on all the walks, visits to the vets and the daily hoovering etc at the very least?

Why is it just the OP that is an awful person when her dh does nothing to try and keep the dog?

But let’s blame the OP instead….

Please don’t put words in to my mouth - I never said that OP was solely at fault but the fact is that a simple ‘can’t be bothered’ attitude is not a valid reason to place further burden on already overflowing rescues. Some people have good reason for rehoming, OP does not.

Not putting words into your mouth. It’s what you said. There was no words about the dh and his role in all of that.

Like many other posters who refuse to see that the responsibility is at least shared.

Personally, I think that. Someone who says they want to keep a dog but refuse to lift a finger to do so (and haven’t done much in the first place) are worse.
You dint get the look like a nice chap ‘but I couldn’t do anything because Dwife wouldn’t ket me keep it’ whilst refusing to care for the dog and starting arguments about who is walking it.

If you really want to point fingers, at the very least, do it fairly.

Not at all but I personally , nor any of my family would drown a rat or a chicken let alone a kitten and I stand by my stance that no animal lover could drown kittens just because they were unwanted

@fungipie . Your poor OH . That is heartbreaking. What a wicked thing for his mother to do. I am so glad you have dogs now.

I was thinking of this thread today whilst driving past a very sensible black Labrador and his obviously devoted owner. Dogs are absolutely amazing, a real gift, but you need to be able to see that to get the best out of them. If you see ‘just a dog’ ie like a possession you won’t achieve that relationship.

If you can interact properly and recognise the gift that is having a dog then it’s brilliant.

It’s a shame this family can’t chuck themselves into enjoying their dog. I do think there’s massive pressure to do everything by the book with both parenting and dog owning, and maybe it takes the joy out of it.

Be daft and play with your dog, have a laugh, enjoy her. Sod the floors, get a robot hoover. Give her a massive cuddle. Do really silly games. Let her warm you up on a cold night by letting her snuggle up to you. Get her to wake the kids up in a daft way in the morning. Dance with the dog. We do all this stuff, the dogs love it, the kids love it and we’re all happy. That’s the magic, don’t miss out on it, it’s not too late.

May I assume that everyone on here saying ur an awful person for giving up the dog has at sometime had a dog that has issues?

My dog jumped up at my son and tried to bite his neck. This was after months and months of behaviour training and input from the vet.

He nearly killed me by pulling me in the road in front of a motorbike and yes this was after months and months and months of training.

I assume people would have wanted my son to be kept in his room all the time as it was dangerous for him to be even near the dog. And for me to die in a traffic accident.

What I did was the sensible thing and had a rescue take him somewhere he could go where there were no children around and in a better and quieter environment.

Better all around. love this board for people who judge someone when they are not involved.

@Andtheworldwentwhite I think the issue here is that this dog isn't aggressive or dangerous, it's just a bit of an inconvenience and more work than OP expected it to be.

I actually don't have an issue with re-homing if it's not really working out but I can understand why it makes so many people angry. There is a difference between re-homing a genuinely dangerous dog and just not being bothered to do the work involved.

Actually I think the human beings' needs come first. If rehoming is so terrible, why are there so many organisations dedicated to doing precisely that? Can't believe the amount of sentimental claptrap being trotted out here.

I completely agree. Look at children. We have governmental agencies, foster homes and adopters. They wouldn't exist if rehoming was a bad thing? If anything they want more children to be regimes, hence seeking more carers

It's fine to rehome, whether your children are the last pain a chocolat or your dog requires a walk.

I've rehomed a dog. He was a rescue, we persevered for 5 years! But he never got on with my existing dogs. Spent a fortune on behavioural support and training.
Rehoming him wasn't easy but my kids were on board as they knew he'd be happier someone else. Be honest with your kids and say that your dog will be very loved in their new home. We went via a rescue and were lucky enough to get regular updates from the dogs new owner. He became a different dog and the whole family relaxed as a result. Do it for you, as you'll be carrying the emotional load of 2 young children as well.
I felt guilty for months after as I felt like I failed. Looking back he should have been rehomed sooner.
Take care and I hope it works out.

@fieldsofbutterflies there was a women on here a while ago. Whose dog had huge separation anxiety. To the point where someone in the family had to be home at all times. No family days out. Not trips to the supermarket. And if her children were older they wouldn’t be able as a family to attend their child’s wedding. She was berated for wanting last ditch ideas and wanting to re home the dog. I have seen people ask for help and have been dragged through the mud. So yes. It does happen. And it happens regularly on here.

Yep, I remember that thread @Andtheworldwentwhite and it was horrendous.

I do agree people get bashed on here for ever wanting to rehome a dog but equally there is a difference between a dog that people can't be bothered with and one who has genuine behavioural issues.

Obviously nobody deserves to be bashed or name-called but I can understand why threads like this upset people.

Brilliant post. Some people just can't see how wonderful having a dog is. Dogs are the best thing in the world. Every morning when I come downstairs I go and look at my dog fast asleep. It's the best part of my day. It baffles me how other people don't feel the same about theirs. Honestly feel so lucky to have my dog 🐶

@whyhavetheygotsomany good for u. Unfortunately not everyone gets the same experience as u. It is possible to have a dog and not feel like this. Doesn’t make them a horrible human being.

I completely disagree. The OP does not want or like the dog - the dog will know this. The dog deserves to live a life where she is loved and wanted and to feel happy and relaxed - not surrounded by arguing people who do not want her.
A young lab should find a home quickly through a lab rescue and the OP should never again get a dog.

Agree. I also know people were had a dog, looked after it, spent thousands on vet bills as it got older but when the dog did eventually pass on did not get another as they did not want that tie again. It does not make them monsters.

Same here. Absolutely adore mine, at the moment my legs are pinned down by one’s head and it’s all snuggly. Couldn’t do without them. Think they are so joyful, they make me happier.

You must see a difference between not adopting a dog at all and adopting one then discarding it?

Are you based in London? I need a trainer. I'm in NW London x